His Mute Mate

Chapter twelve

Ambers POV

When I woke up, I sent a mindlink to Willow letting her know I wanted to talk to her. She said I could come by around noon. I got up and got dressed before getting the kids up and fed. I got the older four in highchairs and gave them all oatmeal since they seemed to like it so much. The younger four I breast fed but was considering giving them formula to supplement the breast milk as I feel they aren’t always full after I feed them. I’ll have to talk with the doctor about that to see what she suggests I do. After getting the younger three down for their naps, I cleaned up the older four and got them dressed for the day. I made sure to play with them all equally so they never felt like one was getting more time than the other. When it was almost noon the nannies came by to watch the kids for me. I walked over to Willows office so I could talk with her.

I got inside and walked to the stairs. I noticed some wolves were giving me looks. Some were of disgust while others were of pity. I know some members know a little about my past and some judge me for it. I mean it’s not my fault that what happened to me happened. They should try being in my shoes and having to experience it, then maybe they’ll know what it's like to feel broken and dead inside while struggling to continue to keep going and care for my kids. Honestly, if it weren’t for my kids, I would’ve committed suicide a long time ago. So maybe, in a weird and kind of twisted way, my kids ended up saving my life, but I would never tell them that. At least not until they are old enough to understand what I went through. I don’t ever want my children to feel guilty or like they are the reason I was stuck, they were the reason I left. I still wish I didn't get looks of disgust, since it makes me feel as though this was my fault and that I deserved what I went through.

I got to Willows office and knocked on the door.

“Come in” I heard her say. I will never get tired of hearing my little sisters voice since I hadn’t heard it for so many years. I walked in and Willow motioned for me to sit down. I walked over and sat in the chair in front of her desk.

“So what brings you to my office Amber?” she asked me with a touch of concern in her voice. I signed to her that I was a bit unsure about Salman as I was beginning to feel a bit more comfortable around him.

“So you want me to look in to him so you can be sure you won’t end up in a situation even remotely similar?” she asked. I nodded to her. Willow appeared to be deep in thought as though she was a bit conflicted.

“I don’t want to do anything without someones consent, however I will look into his history and if I have contact with him I’ll allow my powers to be free a little and whatever happens happens. It may take a couple weeks to a few months before I have enough information to let you know if anything is a good idea or not. For now I would suggest just keeping the relationship you have with him where it is. Once I have all the information I’ll give it to you and you can decide from there, does that work for you Amber?” Willow asked me. I nodded my head at her. Willow smiled at me and I smiled at her.

I left the office and made my way back to my cottage feeling a little more confidant and less scared about everything. As I made my way downstairs I saw a group of girls who were known as the old fashioned b***h brigade. I overheard them say my name but couldn’t hear any more of the conversation. I decided to just keep going home and forget I heard them mutter my name. I just wanted to stay out of trouble. I went home and took care of my children. I began to imagine what my life with Salman could be like. Would he be a good father to my current children? Would he treat me well? Or would he turn out to be like Teival and abuse me and keep my children away while forcing me to produce more children? I want to think he’d be the former instead of the latter but only time would tell. Willow would be able to get the information I needed before making a decision. I still am unsure if I even want to give love another chance. It burned me once, who’s to say it wouldn’t happen again. I’ve heard horror stories of women whose first mate is abusive and their second chance mate ends up being the same as the first. I don’t want that to happen to me and I don’t want that to happen to my children. They deserve to have people around them who will love them, care for them, and teach them right from wrong and how to treat those around them. I noticed that when it’s just me and my children I am able to speak, however when I’m around others I can’t no matter how hard I try and it’s frustrating. My therapist said it had something to do with the trauma I experienced and that I have selective mutism along with PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

As I play with my children I hear one of the older triplets sounding like they’re trying to say something. I look over and see its Jaxson. He looks over at me and puts his hands up while waddling over to me. I hold him and I swear I hear him say mama.

“What did you say Jaxson?” I ask him. He gives me a smile before saying a bit louder “Mama!” I smile as I hear him say that. This was his first word ever spoken. The other two triplets have been saying little short words hear and there but Jaxson had yet to say his first words until this moment. I smile and tell him how proud I am of him and how much I love him. He just giggles while saying mama. Eventually the other two waddle over to me and put their arms around me saying mama. I hold them tightly without hurting them and give each of them a kiss on top of their heads.

After a few moments I decide to head to the kitchen and do a bit of baking. Abigail and Declan wanted to help so I let them. Each took turns pouring in cups of flour and stirring the mixture. They were having so much fun and it just made me smile. Once the mixture was stirred well I put the mixture into a pie pan and put it in the oven to bake.

“Do you two want to help mama make cookies?” I asked them.

“Yeah!” they both shouted with smiles on their faces. As I grabbed the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies I noticed Jaxson coming out of the nursery and waddling towards me in the kitchen.

“I help” he said while smiling. I was shocked, not even an hour ago he had said his first word and now he was saying a few more. I smiled at him and told him sure while I sat him next to Abigail and Declan. They each took turns pouring ingredients into the bowl and stirring it. They had a bit of trouble with stirring since it was so dense but they tried as best they could. Once the mixture was stirred and ready to be rolled into balls the timer for the over went off so I took out the pie and let it cool. Out of reach of the children of course. I showed Abigail, Jaxson, and Declan how to roll the dough into balls and they went nuts. They each did about ten by the time we got through the bowl of dough. I took out baking sheets and showed them how to place the cookies on the sheets and they did their best but I ended up having to fix them before putting them in the oven. I brought each of them down and led them to the bathroom to quickly clean them up before bringing them back to the nursery and finishing in the kitchen.

I took another 30 minutes to finish baking all the cookies and have everything cleaned up. I waited for the cookies to cool a bit before setting up four highchairs for the four that are old enough to eat cookies. I put three on a plate and filled sippy cups with milk and placed them on the counter. I walked into the nursery and asked who wanted a snack. Abigail, Declan, Jaxson, and Nevaeh looked up and smiled. Nevaeh was about 18 months at this point so there wasn’t an issue with her having cookies. I picked her up and the other three followed me to the kitchen. I placed each of them in their highchairs before giving each of them their snack and sippycup.

“Thank mama” Abigail said before chowing down on the cookies.

“Thank you” Declan said before doing the same. Jaxson just smiled at me before enjoying his snack. Nevaeh just made happy baby noises while eating her food. I sat down and ate a few cookies with them. I think about everything and think that while my life was definitely shitty, it was worth it to have this moment.