Burning love

Man down

Ellie pov

"MAYDAY!"

Seconds tick by with what feels like a lifetime.....

"Mayday! Mayday! Firefighter down! FIREFIGHTER DOWN" Im screaming begging on the inside for any help, just a little but nothing, just my inner thoughts turning.....

I hear myself screaming with everything but my shouts are forwards back to me and the hope I once had is slowly dying inside of me, I don't know how many times I can shout down the radio before I slowly give up any remaining hope. Hope something to hold on too, so I thought. I begin to think it's just a made up word for us to have something to hold onto, but it's bullshit. This is bullshit. The smoke is getting thicker and I have slowly losing any vision I have left, the darkness wants me to surrender and surrender is what I am about to do, the fight I have left is dying inside, is this it for me?

I close my eyes on more time before slowly trying to wriggle my way out of this sticky situation I got myself into but all I can think about is my partner pinned under the fallen roof we managed to get trapped under. The bean fell onto us, I blinked and when I reopened my eyes we were under the fallen roof, it was like I don't even remember how we got here but we are here. i stretch my finger tips towards my partner but I still cant reach him, I feels like I am miles away from him but in reality I am only centimetre way.

You know when you have a gut feeling in the morning that something isn't right, well I had that gut feeling and I guess I should have followed it this morning but instead I pushed it deep down not wanting it to ruin the good day I was already having. Even though the feeling was screaming at me, I chose to ignore it and closing my eyes I knew I shouldn't have, I f****d up.

Feeling around I managed to find a fallen pole, I don't even think I just ram it between me and the roof trying to feel my body, I just need a little wedge between the roof and my leg. Using the remaining energy I have I shake the pole doing anything to just feel the roof give a little. While trying to get free my eyes go from me to the fallen firefighter laying fingertips away from me needing help however I need to free myself first. The black smoke is starting to suffocate us and I don't know how much oxygen I have left before is starts to get unbearable in here, I want to scream but I just cant do anything right now and its getting to me. My breath catches in my throat when I try to breath all I want to do right now is beg for a little help but what would that do but waste time, why doesn't the world just swallow me whole right now and take me back to the moment I got out of bed this morning because if there was one thing I would change, that would be not getting out of bed.

I stop struggling for a second and look at the firefighter pinned, our eyes connect for the first time since the rood collapse and all I see in his eyes is hurt, the light he had in his eyes this morning was off hope but as I look at him, there isn't any hope in his eyes, just lost. Lieutenant Davison is looking at me for hope but there isn't any for either of us, he and I both know this could be it, as I am looking at him I finally feel a wedge and I yank my leg feel, what feels like a lifetime I can finally feel my leg but that hope I just had is gone when I look back at him, his turn now.

"Davidson can you hear me?" I hear over the radio barely as I hold his hand but his voice is breaking over the radio and I know our connection is patchy at best. I look down at my lieutenant but as I inch closer to him my hand lands in his crimson blood, I look at my hand and my breathing suddenly stops, I die a little inside knowing this isn't mine. I wish it was mine but I know isn't what I need right now, I never in my life thought I'll be in this shitty situation.

"Barely captain, lieutenant Davidson is down" I barely say with my breath getting suck in my throat with what I just discovered, I wipe his blood on my trousers needing to get it off me as quick as I put my hand in it. I am hoping the message was received as I look down at the man who is not only my lieutenant but is the man I ended up marrying, a man I had hope to end up dying old with but as I hold onto his hand I know this is the moment that death due us part is slowly becoming reality, the words I said but never saw coming this quickly.

What's happens after death due us part? Am I destined for this to be how we become no more?

"....." Davidson opens his mouth but theres no words coming out his mouth, I look at him for a moment before leading forward and placing a single kiss on his forehead unable to take of his pain away from him. When we left this mooring he had this smile on his face that brighten the room he was in, there wasn't a single moment in our entire lives that he wasn't smiling, however there is one moment right now he's not and this is it, right now.

"Leave me please" I barely hear him say but I hear him enough to know this is him begging me with a single tear to leave him and choose life but I don't know how he's asking me to do that, we both have tears running down our cheeks right now as we look at each other. When I said death due us part I literally meant it, I will always be by the man I love side but I know he knows something he's not telling but I cant leave him, I wont let the man die alone or watch me walk away from him. He opens his mouth to speak again but I close it for him wanting a moment of peace to think but I come up empty. The man I vowed to love to the end lays nearing his end and I have no words but share a moment hoping for some type of miracle.

I wipe the tears away from my fave as I look at my husband, we both know right now that this is it, theres no help and no way we both make it out of his alive, as I hold onto him unable to release his hand, I want him to see my face as the last thing he ever sees, in another lifetime I repeat in my head not wanting to take my eyes of him, but my oxygen runs out I throw my mask at a wall out of frustration, I knew I was low but I thought I had a little more time, but I guess I was wrong.

Theres a sign of hope in my husbands eyes but before I can really look at him I am being yanked by my shoulders and thrown over someone shoulder, I am screaming out for my husband but the smoke is getting caught in my lungs and instead I end up coughing, I didn't want to be saved.

I didn't want to be saved I scream.

I am being hauled out the burning building but my eyes lay heavily on Tristan as I hold out a hand for him wanting to be right next to him, I catch his eyes but only for a brief second before more of the roof falls on him and I don't know what switched but there was a switch in me that just flicked off and I suddenly feel nothing, I just watched my husband get crushed to death by a burning building right in front of my eyes like it was waiting for me to leave before collapsing. I was screaming to be released with my arms and legs swinging like a child but when that building came down, my heart broke into a million micro pieces unable to be put back together.

Anyone next to feel had just heard my heart break.

My feet touch the ground and the sun hits my face but truth be hold I am still in that building by my husband side, I have no tears left right now as I just stare at a crumbled building wondering how different it would be if it was me laying in there and my husband standing out here. Before I can even move a oxygen masked if thrown over my face and a touched flashed in my eyes.

I am here physically but mental I am gone.

As everyone is moving around me I am stuck into place waiting for the moment my husband body is dragged out of the collapse building, I have two men next to me touching my shoulder the second I see my husband on a stretcher, his lifeless body lays there covered over with a black bag, I see them move every so slowly like its in slow motion but is that my mind playing tricks on me, I have no clue. The men finally make it out of whats left of the building and my husband is being carried to the ambulance to be pronounced dead by the ambulance crew standing by their ambulance and my whole body is frozen in time as men line up to see there lieutenant being carried out for the final time. The final time he wears the uniform he was so proud to wear, he loved being a fire fighter, he spoke so highly about being a firefighter, he never said a bad word about it even if it was tough somedays but he wouldn't change that for the whole, he loved being proud to wear a uniform but right now being a firefighter took him away;

From me.

From our son.

From his parents.

From his friends.

Tristan, lieutenant Davidson lays on the ambulance bed with his wife and fire crew standing nearby as the paramedics look at the doctor who just arrived to pronounced his death but as he climbs his car he takes one look at us all but taking a deep breath, he just walked into a worse day of firefighter, no easy day for anyone right now.

"Time of death 17:39pm..." that was it for the my knees to collapse right in front of me as the two firefighters holding onto me fall me with holding me as I scream at the world for taking him, the doctor words ring in my head over and over again as the tears wont stop, I am screaming at anyone and taking my anger out but theres nothing worse right now then hearing the man you vowed to grow old with pronounced dead. The words I never in my life saw coming break me and when I didn't think my heart could take anymore, I hear time of death and it breaks a little more

I cant do it without my life partner by my side, Tristan was always the better half in our marriage. I already miss his baby blue eyes shine when I do something stupid like burning our dinner however honestly I was never a good cook, or when he looked at me wearing my little black dress he loved so much. Being picked up by one of the firefighters I cry into his arms not caring who's looking at me in the hospital. Being hugged by everyone I finally calm down a little when my favourite doctor Lilly comes running from the back doors, she takes one look at Tristan and then back to me, she runs into my arms whispering everything going to be alright but is it? I lost my husband, the only person who ever understood me like no one else.

I am alone.

****

Getting dressed for my husband funeral i stand in front of the full length mirror looking at myself in a black dress and red circles round my eyes, I never planned on wearing, Tristan thought it looked wonderful and picked it for his funeral. It was why I never wore it. Looking at myself i have red bloodshot eyes as the tears refuse to stop running down my face but what hurts more is our son Logan refusing to talk to anyone, i know he's hurting and I wish I could take his pain away but theres only so many things a mother can do right now and I cant do anything, I cant take the pain away, I wish I could but thats something a mother isn't able to do.

A boy needs his father.

Breaking the news too him broke me because as his eyes looked at me I was lost for words, I didn't know how to tell him that his father was no longer with us but I wish I could have said them without breaking down but I couldn't. My son had to see me have a breakdown before finding out his father had died in the line of duty, he is so much like his father and I see it everyday, I just wished he was here to see it.

Finally pulling myself from the mirror i take Logan hands and head outside to the car not ready for this one single bit, I don't know how I can say goodbye to him after seeing him take his final breath in my arms, I'm still in shock and expecting him to walk though the house any day now, i still wear the ring refusing to move any of this belonging, its like he still lives here but his presence is no longer with us. Reaching the church I'm hesitant as I don't think i can do this...

"Detail attention!... Present arms!... Lieutenant Tristan Davidson has returned to quarters" as the bell rings I stand beside my son watching as firefighter raise their arms together in unison paying their respects to the fallen.

"He is cleared from all his duties. He is gone but never forgotten. May he rest in peace, with his brothers and sisters. Above." I don't know how I'm going to cope without him or raise our son alone but I know I'll be doing it all with him above cheering me on. I can do this. i got this... I hope.