WHEN THE RAIN STOPS FALLING.

EPISODE 11: DISTANCE BETWEEN US

The next few days were quiet, but not the reassuring calm I had grown to love. It was the type that hummed with unsaid questions, with overly drawn-out silences and rehearsed sentences. Even though Emeka and I continued to talk and act intimately, we could both sense that something had changed.

I made an effort to tell myself it was nothing. that Ifunanya was merely a companion. a guide. that Emeka was still affectionate. However, it was impossible to ignore the gap that was widening between us; it was a gap that was previously filled with comfort and laughing but was now filled with uncertainty.

He continued to visit, brought small presents for Oyinye, and assisted me in organising my thoughts for the company strategy. However, there were quick and incisive moments when I saw him go outside to answer calls he didn't explain or check his phone with a small smile. I had never met Emeka before, but now he seemed like a different version of himself. I wasn't sure which version to believe.

I eventually uttered the words that had been throbbing on my tongue one evening as we were sitting on the balcony with Oyinye sleeping inside. "Are you in love with her?" Like a thunder cloud, the question hovered between us. He gave me a shocked, even pained, expression, but he took a while to respond. It took just that moment to reveal something deep inside of me.

At last, he murmured in a quiet voice, "I don't." "However... She is someone I admire. She has greatly aided me. Perhaps more than I could articulate. My heart constricted as I nodded. "And me? Emeka, what am I to you? "I picked you," he murmured quietly. "But you seem to have lost faith in that."

I averted my gaze while fighting back tears. Perhaps it's because I've experienced what it's like to have someone depart. when a person passes away. And this—this misunderstanding? The feeling is too near that. I came dangerously near to losing something I cared about.

I resisted his attempt to grasp my hand. Not with rage, but with terror. Because I understood that being chosen once was not the only aspect of love. Being picked repeatedly, despite the rough road, was the goal. Even in a place that used to seem like home, the name of someone else hung around for too long.

I stayed awake for hours that night, staring at the ceiling while my mind raced with ideas. Would love be able to endure uncertainty? Could even the slightest gap in trust be repaired? There were no answers. However, I was aware that I required room. To regain my footing, not to push Emeka away. to remind myself of my true self prior to falling in love with him. Because I could never again lose myself in the shadow of another person.