So You Summoned a Soulmate

Chapter 2 - Mercy

Passing right by the low table where I usually set up spell work I chastised myself inwardly. I’m not upsetting my neatly organized altar for this mess. Even in my brain buzzed state I knew that I would hate to upset my neatly organized altar set up for a spring-of-the-moment encantation. This foolishness wasn’t serious anyway. Just a nice silver tray that I can clean off in the morning when this inevitably doesn’t work. Still, I have this strange energy buzzing underneath my skin that I can’t quite name. Must be the wine.

It urges me onward as I pluck a strand of hair from my head and wind it around the column of the pink candle. They say red is for love, but I swear red is for lust. Pink is for the kind of love that lasts for more than one night, the kind of love that gets anniversaries. that is what I am going for here, love that promotes devotion. Love that can stand the test of time.

Knees on the hardwood floor just passed the edge of the rug I begin to arrange things in preparation. Glancing up I meet the window with my glance. Gesturing slowly upward with my hand the window frame slowly starts to rise open. Fire safety and all, just in case the hair burning really pisses off the smoke alarms. Shrugging off the moment of anxiety that begged I open a window when I light a candle, that must have come from Nona’s teachings.

On the polished silver tray, I run my fingers through the dried rose petals and orange peels all chopped up and ready for the spell. All the things are in place. Am I ready? I ask myself again and again. Am I ready for someone in my life? Am I ready to not come home alone again? To not make dinners for one? Am I ready to have Leo stop looking at me with worry in his eyes? Maybe put a little intrigue into my life? Is this a reasonable choice? Shouldn’t I give online dating a real shot?

My mind replayed all the urgencies of Leo to get me to go on a date and the reviews on the dating app. Words fly around my mind in a wine-fueled funnel of misery. Alone. Get a cat. Go out sometime why don’t you? Clapping my hands to silence the torment of words in my mind.

Gasping in a deep fortifying breath I find the clarity that I have always had. Someone is out there for me. I know it and I have always known it. In the same way that I know that Nona is looking out for me and that I am blessed beyond measure. I am as ready as I will ever be.

On the floor of my living room, I pull my legs under me to sit crisscross apple sauce with the tray in front of me and my intentions spilling around me in waves. Focus, I tell myself inwardly. Focus on what you are asking the universe for, Mercy.

Love.

Soulmate.

Hardwood floors stretch out around me. Grounding my body in this place. The cool of the night has finally set in after the sun gave up its torment of daylight. The wind slipping in through the window is heavy with excitement as I pull in air to fill my lungs as I search my mind for the words. The just right words to convey my longing.

My urgency.

Silently I strike my lighter. Placing the bright orange flame up against the bottom flat of the pink candle I melt it ever slowly and mush the soft wax down onto the tray. Forcing a long breath out I focus my foggy brain on the candle wick and press the flame to it. Centimeter by slow centimeter the candle burns down, taking my hair with it while my soul silently cries for the connection I have craved for more years than I can name. Incantations escape my lips as my heart cries out beyond words for the missing piece it has been searching for.

Leaning back onto the legs of my couch I sip the last bit of now warm wine straight from the bottle as I watch the candle burn down. Smoke curling up from the wick and sliding out the window I watch as it takes my hopes with it out into the night. “There,” I mumble to myself as the flame flickers and I pull myself off the floor to snuggle onto the couch, “that beats the hell out of Tinder.”