Inversion

Lost

Greater importance has always been given to the light that emerges from darkness over darkness which exists because of light. I suppose It's easier and more fulfilling to accept the good over the bad. And rightfully so! Yes. Hope and belief do get us through the toughest of times. But is that really all they do? Why do we insist that  monsters only emerge from the dark?  Can they not be from the light? Is it really so unbelievable?

During the course of my life , neither had I been curious about death nor come in contact with anyone that had a brush with death. Hence I was not familiar with the sequence of events after death, so I'm not exactly sure if it's normal to still have thoughts. Ideally, my brain should have been deprived of oxygen by now. Right?

The water was warmer than when we first landed in the water. The blood on my face no longer sticky, now diluted I could  see but not move. My entire body was numb, unwilling and unable to move at all. I saw and felt myself sink deeper into the water yet I could not do anything. The weight of the anchor pulling me into an abyss. The car, so far away,  now seemed like a distant memory. It was not as dark as I had imagined . Surprisingly it was quite the opposite.

 I couldn't help but wonder '' would my body ever be found?'' 

'' Would my mom and Liby be okay if my body remained undiscovered''

I didn't want to imagine how heart-rending it would be for them. Loss, the uncaring element that comes with life and death. It is almost always hard to deal with . Yet, I wish they didn't have to deal with it. I wish I didn't have to either. Knowing I couldn't take away the pain was utterly frustrating. But. I desperately wished I could. I wished my body would float and not sink so they'd know at least. Knowing can be extremely hard and painful but it 's still far better than not knowing . I couldn't bear the thought of them being hopeful that my body would be found or that I had magically survived. Because a part of them would die each time they held onto that promise of light in darkness. A part, I had no way of knowing  whether or not could be restored. I hated so much ..that someone disregarded my life and that of my family. I hated that I didn't even get to say goodbye. Then again ''how does one even say goodbye?'' My heart constricted so hard I thought I'd die . Laughing at the mere thought of  death in death. I couldn't even tell if I had tears in my eyes or just water.

The speed of my descent was now getting slower. And below me the brightness became so intense, It became harder to see what I was falling into. The water had more weight on me than before. I could tell it felt more viscous. like I was falling through starch syrup, which for some reason had me uneasy.

Unbeknown to me, while I was experiencing all these in the aftermath of death, someone else was going through something similar. A small figure I couldn't quite recognise was approaching me so swiftly despite the water. After the now recognisable young girl approached me, I became suspended and was no longer moving through the water. I was taken aback to see 5 year old Morana. She had on the Tigger onesie that Dad bought her for her birthday. Her tightly curled auburn hair now drenched . Her chocolate-stained teeth visible as she smiled widely.

''Do you want to go with me?'' she asked.

I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. So I kept staring at her instead. She tilts her head to the side, from left to right to check if I was paying attention to her. She asks again with a smile'' Do you want to follow me? I know the way. I really do'' Her right hand extended towards me. The warmth on her face so reassuring. I wanted to let go of all my worries and just go with her. But I wasn't even sure if my body would allow it.  I don't know at what point exactly I started reaching out my hand to hold hers. I had almost held her hand when I was held by another hand. I could have sworn she came out of nowhere. Instantaneously, the little girl was no longer there.

Dressed in a white polka-dotted hospital gown, with a band on her wrist was Lorraine. She held my hand tightly with fear evident in her eyes. The pleading in eyes and  desperation in her voice as she spoke. ''You need to open your eyes'' I found it absurd when she said that because I was clearly looking at her. To begin with,  it was more absurd that she was here and not my mom or Liby whom I had thought of. She repeated the same sentence with emotions more intense than the last.

''You . Need. To . Open. your Eyes. Please Morana''  she wept as though the laws of the this place did not apply to her. I was rather enraged by her sentiment . And for the first time, I found myself able to speak. ''Open my eyes, how? What do you mean?''. And with that broke our bubble of suspension. We were both falling pretty fast .I was screaming at this point although the water wasn't entering my mouth.

''We will both die if you do not open your eyes ''she screamed at me grabbing my attention.

''But my eyes are open. I don't know what you mean.'' now gripped by fear I screamed.

''No they aren't . The only way you can get out of here is if they are''

'' But I don't know how'' I shouted in frustration. Now blinded by the light we were quickly approaching, I couldn't feel the water anymore. ''Give me your other hand ''. I did as she said and suddenly we were violently being tossed in all directions. We held onto each other so tightly, it was almost too tight. With a thud, we bumped into each other so hard we got separated as we landed. It was too bright to open my eyes so I kept them shut. I shouted Lorraine's name but there was no response. And finally it hit me ! I needed to open my eyes.

I fought against every instinct in body and finally opened my eyes. The lights were blinding as expected so everything seemed blurry. My neck hurt so much but not as much as the exploding pain coming from my head. The beeping was so loud it made me want to tear my ears off. Naturally, I tried to cover my ears but I felt sharp pain shooting through my hands. My vision now in focus, I saw the nurse speak as she rushed out. In  less than a minute she was back someone whom I assumed was the doctor based on the way he looked. I knew he was talking to me based on his facial expression but I couldn't hear him properly. I could only see his lips moving.

Looking at the doctor, my throat dry and voice hoarse, I uttered in a low voice '''Loud''. He brought his ear closer to hear me properly. ''So loud'' I repeated. He nodded showing he  had understood me. After sometime he  injected what I assumed was a drug into the IV bag. As he was about leaving I saw the nurse turn towards the door seemingly talking to someone. I couldn't really see the person as I was slipping into unconsciousness.