A Life Of Service
952 Words
Amanda's POV
My days swiftly settled into a routine governed by the needs of the Knight empire and the caprices of its Alpha successor.
My life was marked by the oak door that divided my workspace from his private chambers. To others I appeared as the Executive Secretary; internally I recognized myself as merely his dedicated professional attendant.
I wasn’t just coordinating timetables. I was foreseeing what he required before he expressed it. Scott never requested his coffee because he knew that I would make sure it was replenished, at the perfect temperature at every important moment of his morning. Scott never objected when a meeting was extended.
I simply ensured a subtle protein-rich snack was placed quietly next to his notes. It was like he knew I would clean up after him. He knew that I had made him my top priority but then, he never acknowledged me.
I recognized his signals like the soft clicking of his pen against the desk when irritated, the habit of answering calls from his father only while standing and the heavy wordless droop of his shoulders when a crucial deal failed.
It was like all his emotions affected me.
When he was down, I had no option but to feel down.
In exchange for this immersion, I encountered nothing except a deep silence. The only remarks he directed at me were orders, about logistics:
“Cancel Tuesday”,
“Confirm the Milan file”,
“Get me Carter.”
It was never “How are you? Amanda”,
“Are you okay?”
“Have you had lunch?”
I attempted to justify this gap.
Alphas were determined. Alphas were merciless. He wasn’t emotionless but rather, he was controlled.
I convinced myself that my role was to absorb the chaos, so his genius could remain intact, pure and untouched. My worth resided in my invisibility.
One night, I remained past usual hours carefully sorting out a chaotic merger document that Scott had abandoned in disarray. My back throbbed and my eyes stung.
I experienced a calm sense of achievement.
As I prepared to leave when I noticed Scott's lights which were still illuminated.
Tentatively I knocked.
“Sir” I whispered, gently positioned at the doorway.
“It’s midnight. I have completed the merger binders. Do you need anything this evening?”
At last he lifted his gaze from the screen. His cold eyes examined me not with familiarity or warmth. With slight annoyance, at the disturbance.
“You should just go if you are done with your work,” he said bluntly.
My spirits dropped but I managed a smile. “Certainly Sir. I simply wanted to confirm that everything was prepared."
"It's all arranged. You may proceed” He gave no thanks. He ignored the four hours of unpaid effort. He just brushed me off, eager to retreat to the solitude of his Alpha domain.
That evening after taking my bath, I made my way and ended up gazing into the mirror.
My Beta appearance was ordinary but not unattractive, but plain. My hair was somehow platinum blonde hair, almost white and my eyes were in the shade of the slightest blue.
My appearance had always earned me the looks of not awe but rather alien. People always gossiped about how I looked because I looked nothing like my parents and my sister who had black silky hair with interesting green eyes.
I lacked the fragrance of an Omega that could immediately calm an Alpha’s tension and I didn’t emit the strong presence of a superior Beta that inspired deference.
I came to understand that my dedication was founded on a misconception but then, I was attempting to secure a spot in his heart by improving myself as if I were an instrument.
I recalled the guidance my parents always shared about Aurora: "Your sister is an Omega. She must preserve her energy. Managing the logistics falls to you. You must always protect her.
Do not let any harm befall her. Always make sure to fulfill her wishes. Never make her unhappy. Make sure no one ever bullies her. Do not ever let people see you two alone. She doesn't need your bad luck on her”.
Then sometimes I feel like screaming wanting to question them if I'm not their daughter. If I haven't suffered enough but then, I have no right to ask because I'm a beta. And betas do not have privileges.
But I've seen many betas where their parents support them. Betas who have Alpha mates and that gave me hope.
During college I managed Aurora’s logistics and currently I managed Scott’s.
I began to view my position not as a career but as an extension of my mission which was supporting those born exceptionally. I had consciously shifted my commitment from my Omega twin to the formidable Alpha I adored and worshipped.
I rationalized the distance by convincing myself that this was merely the cost of being close to greatness. For a Beta the cost of love was self-effacement.
I had turned into his housekeeper, his attendant, his shadow and his assistant all combined into a silent unseen bundle.
I adored him in the quiet through the neglect through the moments spent gazing at a shut door.
I understood that this was unhealthy. Yet each time his name appeared on my screen every time I ensured his day went flawlessly every time I caught the metallic trace of his vanishing pheromones I reassured myself:
This will suffice.
Eventually he will realize how vital I am.
I was perfectly built for servitude. And I was desperately waiting for servitude to transform into love.
- Writer
