Moth to Flame

CHAPTER 14.1

My breath hitched. I couldn't f*****g believe this s**t. I was under the impression she'd forgiven me, but she hadn't. I knew my pathetic ass had screwed up, but I didn't know it would f*****g lose me my baby doll.

I couldn't hold the anger in anymore. I picked up a table and chucked it against a wall. I threw vases, flowers, and pillows all over the room. All I could see was a red haze. I screamed and turned the couch over.

"f**k! What in the hell do I have to do to make you believe me? I won't f*****g leave you. Ever. I couldn't cheat on you because you're the only woman I want. I do want children with you. I want us to raise a family and grow old together.

"Yes, I've been an asshole in the past. I was trying to make you leave me then. I thought it would be for the best. Obviously, I was a stupid f**k, but I've learned my lesson.

"You are so goddamn beautiful that it blinds me sometimes. Don't ever think that I find you unattractive. Do you know how hard it was to even think that s**t, let alone say it aloud? I know I haven't been the best boyfriend, but give me one more f*****g chance. I promise not to f**k it up this time. I love you too much. Please, baby doll."

Before she could answer, two security men rushed in to see what all the ruckus was about. I told them everything was fine and sent them on their way. Unfortunately, Dr. Moretti came to stand in the doorway.

He had a stern look on his face. "I warned you, Sodero. You are hereby banned from the clinic tonight. You can come back tomorrow when you've calmed down."

I turned to face him. "f**k you, asshole! I come and f*****g go as I please. Shut the f**k up!" The doctor looked at me like I was a psych patient.

I was going to rip his f*****g head off until I heard my baby doll's voice. "Just go, Ethan. I don't want you here anymore. I'm going to sleep and then visit Stefano. Leave before I ask Lorenzo to come and get you."

All the fight left me. I nodded my head and turned around to leave. My f*****g heart was in a million pieces. My f*****g dream was over before it ever began.

I stalked out of the clinic, ignoring everyone. My guard came to drive me back to the main house. Everything looked fuzzy. All I could see was my baby doll sending me away.

When we pulled up to the house, I went over to the side yard and retched up everything in my f*****g stomach. I hated to vomit, but I couldn't hold the s**t in because of the way I was feeling. The guard asked me if I was okay. I waved him off.

Diana was walking down the stairs as I entered the villa. She took one look at me and hurried the rest of the way. "What's wrong, bambino? Is Mia all right?" Her eyes widened. I was f*****g scaring her and that wasn't right. I took a few breaths to calm down.

"Come to the kitchen with me. I need to talk to you." She linked her arm through mine.

Diana was like my f*****g second mother. She had known my father and was extremely fond of Eleanor. She treated me and Abby like her own kids. She and Lorenzo didn't have any children. She'd gotten r***d when she was younger, and it had messed up her reproductive organs. She hadn't known us back then. She had met my godfather four years after the crime and they had fallen in love and gotten married. Lorenzo had had the asshole who had r***d her castrated and killed in the prison yard. I wasn't sure if he had ever told her, but I was f*****g glad he had gotten revenge for his woman. I'd do the same if some asshole ever assaulted my baby doll.

Diana’s dark eyes looked up at me. She was taller than my baby doll but still much shorter than me. Like my mother, age agreed with her. They got more beautiful every year. Lorenzo and Jeff were very lucky men.

Would I get to be by Mia's side as she got older? Would we count each other's gray hairs one day? Considering a life without her in it didn't make any goddamn sense. She was mine. I wouldn't give her up.

I went over to the cabinet to get some liquor. I poured two glasses of black Sambuca and took a chair next to my godmother. "I f****d up. Mia said she forgave me, but now she wants to break up with me. I've never done this relationship s**t, so I need some help. It can't be over because I f*****g love her more than life itself. Please, tell me how to get her back."

I drank greedily from my cup. I was going to be f****d up in the morning, but I didn't f*****g care anymore. Maybe I'd become a goddamn alcoholic and drink myself to death. Without my baby doll, life didn't matter.

Diana glanced over at me. "Ethan, Mia went into shock. Sometimes when people come out of it, they become depressed or angry. After my… r**e, I was angry at the world. I had been such a happy person, but afterwards I was just mad. I lashed out at all my family and friends. You have to give her time.

"I know you love her and she loves you. Learn to woo her. Every woman wants romance. I'm not talking about expensive stuff. The best thing a man can give a woman is something heartfelt. My favorite gifts from Lorenzo were the ones that were original. Let her know you feel lucky to be her man." I heard what she was saying but it was hard for me.

"I'm not good at planning s**t that's thoughtful. I've never had to before because all of the other bit- women I've been with just liked stuff. I'm better at flashing my credit card or writing a check. I don't really know what my baby doll wants from me. I'm just so f*****g frustrated."

"She just wants you, bambino. I know it's hard for you. Give yourself to Mia. You've talked to her. You know what she likes. She is a woman in love and that's beautiful. I'd hate to see you two miss out on this chance. Love doesn't come around often, so do whatever you have to do to keep your happiness."

I leaned over and kissed Diana on the cheek. "I love you, godmother. I promise to stop being an i***t and do Mia right. Thanks for the advice."

Later, I walked Diana up to her bedroom. I wanted to go and see my baby doll, but she was still angry. I would give her another night without my stupid ass.

Trying to go to sleep without Mia proved to be tough. I was used to having her lying on my chest. All I felt was emptiness when she wasn't with me.

Of course, my d**k was f*****g hard as a rock, too. Since it had been inside my baby doll's paradise, it didn't want to settle for my hand. When my erection got too painful, I stroked myself until I came. It didn't do a goddamn thing, though. I needed Mia. I tossed and turned for hours trying to go to sleep.

I eventually gave up and headed to the clinic. Even if Mia didn't want me there, I would sleep in the hall just to be close to her. I knew I was a p***y-whipped motherfucker, but I couldn't be without her.

Thankfully, Dr. Moretti was not on duty when I got there. A nurse batted her lashes and smiled at me as I headed to Mia's room. I kept my mouth in a grim line and didn't pay her any f*****g attention. The only nurse I was into was sitting down the hall. My c**k expanded with the memory of that f*****g lapdance.

Great, I thought, So now I'm going to have to beg Mia to let me stay while sporting a massive erection.

I stopped to visit Stefano. He was asleep. His room was covered with flowers. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. He looked even paler than usual. I was just glad he would be okay. I wrote him a letter in Italian and left it at his bedside. It was just some encouraging words, s**t from the heart. I touched his hand before leaving the room.

When I got to my baby doll's room, I discovered she wasn't there. I panicked. Where could she be? Had she gone back to the house without me? I was just going to ask a nurse where she was when I heard her laughter coming from a room a couple of doors down from hers. I ran down the hallway and stopped when I got to the door.

What I saw sent me in a rage. It took every one of my f*****g calming methods to keep me from making a scene. Mia was sitting on the bed next to Adam with a book in her hand. His head was turned towards her and she was reading aloud. She was holding his hand and making small circles on the back of it.

Mia was still wearing sweats and tank top. Adam's chest was completely bare. They looked pretty f*****g cozy for people who didn't know each other. White hot jealousy coursed through my veins. I knew the guy got shot trying to save us, but f**k, he was touching my baby doll. Actually, she was touching him. I cleared my throat to alert them to my presence.

Adam was the first to speak. "Hello, Mr. Sodero. Mia here was kind enough to read to me, even though I'm the one that owes her for saving my life."

She actually smiled at the fucker. I walked over and tried to kiss her on the cheek. She slipped past me and went to sit on a chair on the other side of the bed, that s**t f*****g hurt. She could be all chummy with my bodyguard, but she treated me like I had the f*****g plague. I had been nice. I just wanted to see her and make sure she was okay.

Mia began reading her book again, silently this time. Adam was confused. He looked between Mia and I and then raised his eyebrows.

I scowled at him and walked over to her. "Hello, baby doll. I'm glad to see you up and about. Did you get some sleep?" See, I could have a conversation without cursing or acting like an i***t.

She ignored my ass.

I tried again, using an even friendlier tone. This time she answered me. "Yes, Mr. Sodero. I rested well. I look forward to going home tomorrow. I've missed Wyatt and all of my friends."

That wasn't the reply I was looking for, but I would take what I could get at this point. And why in the f**k was she calling me Mr. Sodero again? I loved her. We had f****d each other into the ground, yet I was back to just being her boss. I didn't like this s**t at all.

"Mia, I understand you're angry at me, but we can work it out. I don't like it when you call me Mr. Sodero. I'm your boyfriend and your lover. I love to hear you call me Ethan. Please just stop being angry and talk to me. I know I messed up, but I love you. We have a future together. Let's not get hung up on the past."

I reached down to stroke her hair, but once again she turned away. She put her book down and stood up to pace. I had almost forgotten Adam was still in the room until he spoke.

"Mia, I'm fine. Why don't you go and talk to Ethan? You can come back later and finish reading to me. I was just going to take a nap anyways. They have me on so much pain medicine I can only stay awake for a little while. Besides, you're much too beautiful. You'll distract me from my flowers."

Once again she smiled at him. A lovely blush lit up her cheeks, that was my f*****g blush! I was the one that got to see her like this. Was she attracted to this fucker? Had I completely lost her? The thought of her and Adam or Trevor or some other fucker living happily ever after made my blood run cold. I had never been so jealous in my life. I've never had a reason to covet another man, but right then I would have given anything be the reason for Mia's reddened cheeks.

I heard her mumble something about coming back before we both exited the room. I took off my hoodie and put it over Mia's tank top. She wasn't wearing a f*****g bra, and I didn't want any other fuckers to see her like that. It was bad enough Adam had. She must have seen how serious I looked because she took it without a word. We walked outside and a guard drove us back to the house.

I spent the entire drive studying the beautiful girl-woman who sat next to me. In the light of the Italian sun, she was even more beautiful than I remembered with her long silky hair draped over her creamy shoulders. I longed to be the strap on her tank so I could caress her body. I almost groaned when she reached down to scratch her stomach, giving me a glimpse of the smooth flat skin.

Her clothes were baggy and didn't give away her figure, but I knew what was under that s**t. I had spent plenty of nights acquainting myself with her tight body. I knew how to make her scream and whimper from a simple touch. She was mine, and that wasn't going to ever change. I was the only man she let inside her and it was going to stay that way. She didn't speak to me, but I didn't press her. The least I could do was give her time to work out her feelings.

Instead of going into the house, Mia wanted to go to the fields. Because of the other night's activities, work had been canceled for today. Lorenzo was handling the fallout and had to question all of the workers.

We walked until we reached a spot where she wanted to sit. I sat down on the dirt next to her. She played with her hands for a long time.

I started to get antsy. "Spit it out, Mia," I said when I couldn't take the silence anymore.

She turned around to look at me. Her big brown eyes held such contempt. It was the way she had looked at me in the clinic room. "I can't be your secretary anymore. I will write up a letter when we get back. We can't see each other. I mean, I know Wyatt is planning on asking Abigail to marry him, so we would have to see each other for those events, but we can't date anymore. I love you, Ethan, but I'm confused and everything is so overwhelming right now. It's better this way."

I f*****g lost it. "Better for who? Just the other day you were talking about children, a future, and our lives together. I can't help what I am. Are you scared to be with me because I'm in the Mafia?"

She shook her head.

"Then what the f**k is wrong?! We made love in the bathtub. I left you to talk to Lorenzo and then I heard god knows what. I rushed upstairs and Lena was dead. Stefano was half dead and you had f*****g lost consciousness. I know you're scared, baby doll, but please, just help me understand."

She began to cry. I pulled her over into my lap. She buried her face into my chest. I kissed her forehead.

"Ethan... I'm just so angry. I'm angry that someone tried to kill you and your family. I'm angry... I feel like we can't be together. I'm angry at you for what you said that day in your office. You don't know how badly I want to believe you when you say you won't leave me, but I just can't. What if something bad happens again and you decide to break up with me to keep me safe? I'm not strong enough to go through that again. I thought I was, but I'm not. You were right all along. We can't be together."

I lifted her head. "Don't ever f*****g say that! We can't be apart. I was an asshole. I realize that I shouldn't have said that s**t. I swear on my father's grave that I didn't mean any of it. I don't f*****g deserve you or your love, baby doll, but I want it more than anything in this world. Don't end it. It will get better. Things won't always be like this. I can't live without you. I need you so goddamn much that it f*****g scares me, too."

She kissed my lips, but I could tell her heart wasn't into it because she pulled away after a second. "I'm sorry, Ethan. You're a wonderful man. You will meet someone and fall in love again. You'll forget all about me. It was a fun experience, but you and I both know that it isn't long-term. We have to stop deluding ourselves. I'll be in the house packing."

Before I could come up with a rebuttal, she turned around and ran to the villa. I lay down on the dirt and cried. It was over. The best thing that had ever happened to me was gone. I had known I was incapable of loving someone the way she deserved, but I had gone against the grain and tried the s**t anyways.

She had said I would find someone else, but I wouldn't ever f*****g recover. Mia would always have my heart and soul. I didn't even know I had those parts until she came along. I sobbed until my chest caved in and my eyes were dry. I had nothing else to give.

I didn't eat dinner that night. I spent it in my room staring at the ceiling. When this trip began, we had been so f*****g happy. I had taken Mia's virginity and she had given me her undying love, only it had died. All the time we spent together was gone. The s*x had been mind-blowing. It was truly the best of my life. This trip was supposed to bring us closer together, but it had only torn us apart.

Sleep eluded me, so I went to the clinic to visit Stefano again. We talked for a while. His voice was weak and he was f*****g exhausted, but he showed a spark of energy when I mentioned the problems between Mia and me. He insisted I not give up. He told me that after what had happened with Lena, he was aware how rare love could be.

Lorenzo, Diana, and he were planning to return to Chicago next week. I knew finding out his lover's betrayal would always weigh on him, so I invited him to come stay with me in Seattle once he got out. He gladly accepted. I figured we might as well be two sorry sacks of s**t together.

We said our goodbyes and I headed back to the villa. It was less than five hours until we would be on a plane. I was f*****g miserable.

Soon, I decided to call Wyatt and let him know what was happening. He was probably going to beat my ass for almost getting his baby sister killed, but I needed his help.

Stefano had been right; I was going to have to fight to keep my baby doll. I knew I would never find a woman more perfect than her. I loved her and that couldn't just go away because she had doubts in us. We were meant to be together.

"Hey, Abby. Can I speak to your boyfriend?"

She giggled. "You only call me Abby when you're sad. What's the matter? Is Mia okay?" She was going to find out anyway.

"Put the phone on speaker." I heard Wyatt come into the room and ask her what was wrong. She told him I was on the phone.

He f*****g freaked. "What the f**k is wrong, Sodero? If you let something bad happen to my sister, I swear to god I will kill your f*****g ass. Where is Mia? Put her on right now!"

I pulled my fingers through my hair. I could hear Wyatt apologize to Abigail for cursing in front of her. Is that what good boyfriends did? I used vulgar language with my baby doll all the damn time. Maybe that was one of the reasons she was leaving my ass.

Before I told them anything, I swore them to secrecy. The last thing I needed was Eleanor and the rest of my family worrying. They promised so I told them everything. I let every detail pour out of me. Obviously, I left out all the s*x me and Mia had, but I told them all the rest of the details.

Wyatt was angry, but Abigail was scared. He made me promise to get Mia home safely by tomorrow or he would be on a flight to get her himself. Abigail assured me Mia did love me and was probably just reacting to the stress. After several threats from Wyatt and love words from my sister, I hung up.

Miraculously, I felt better after that conversation, so I went to seek out my baby doll. She was in the dining room eating with Diana and Lorenzo. I sat down across from her as the cook went to fetch me a plate. She had changed into a blue sundress with a white bow under the breast. Her hair was piled on top of her head and a silk ribbon was tied around it.

My d**k throbbed painfully. I wanted to f**k her there and then. I didn't even care that my godfather and godmother were here.

I watched as she forked a pineapple into her mouth. Some of the juice clung to her bottom lip. I f*****g moaned. Everyone turned to stare at me.

"Are you okay, son?" Lorenzo asked. I coughed and then nodded.

Diana was worried, I could see the lines in her forehead.

Mia didn't say anything. My food came and I picked at it. I didn't have a f*****g appetite anymore. Finally, Mia left to go finish packing and I followed her. We worked in companionable silence. It was nice just being in the same room with her.

Each time she lifted something, her dress would rise a little and I could see her thighs. Her dress strap kept falling, too, and a few times I leaned over to fix it. It was an excuse to touch her. I was pathetic.

After awhile, we finished and went to sleep in separate bedrooms. The rest of my night was spent tossing and turning in an empty bed.

In the morning, we said our goodbyes to everyone. Lorenzo and Diana were sad to see us go. We also went to the clinic to say goodbye to Stefano and Adam. Their doctors assured us that they would make full recoveries.

Mia left Adam the book she had been reading to him. He smiled and she kissed his forehead. That sight made me sick to my stomach. Those lips were mine. I knew I was a caveman, but I didn't give a f**k anymore.

Fortunately, one of the nurses was all too happy to assume the job of reader. Adam and Stefano would be coming to Seattle, so it wouldn't be long before we saw them again.

A car drove us to the airport and we boarded the jet. It was nothing like our first trip when Mia had let me pleasure her in the bedroom. This time I worked on my laptop while she read a book.

The few times I struck up a conversation, she shot me down. It was f*****g excruciating. I had to go to the bathroom a couple of times to rub one out. It was the only way I could keep myself from attacking my baby doll.

We landed in Seattle at night. The moment we stepped off the plane, my pixie of a sister launched herself at us. "I missed you guys so much. You have to show me the pictures. Did you go shopping? Did you buy me anything? What did you wear? I love you guys." She was tiny but she had a vice grip on our shoulders.

Wyatt walked up behind her and gently pulled her away. "I'm sorry. She had way too much coffee and sugar today."

He hugged Mia. I noticed he held onto her a lot longer than Abigail had. He was studying her face and whispering something in her ear. She whispered something back to him. They both looked over at me. f**k. He was going to kill my ass if she told him about me popping her cherry.

Before I could form an excuse, he walked over and slapped me on the back. It would leave a bruise, but at least he didn't jump on me. "My baby sis said that you showed her a good time, Sodero. I'm glad that I don't have to kill my future brother-in-law," he said smiling.

Mia coughed and looked away. Abigail took this as her cue. "Mia, why don't you ride with me? We can leave the boys to do man stuff and go get some dinner. Does that sound good?"

My baby doll nodded.

"Great, my Lambo is this way. Leave your stuff with Ethan."

My sister's car was so f*****g "shiny happy people". It was bright red and all girly. I had given it to her after she completed rehab for her eating disorder. She loved it. My baby doll waved at Wyatt but didn't acknowledge me at all.

Since it was cold, Mia had changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a silver sweater. Her hair was in a mess of shiny curls. I f*****g wanted her again. Watching her ass as she walked over to Abigail's car almost killed me. My balls were so f*****g blue that they were in danger of falling off. I didn't want her going off without me, but her personal guard was back on duty and would keep her safe.

The chauffeur opened the door for me and Wyatt before loading some of our things into the trunk. The rest would be loaded into the SUV behind us. I looked over at Wyatt to see he was studying me intently.

"She didn't even say goodbye to you. She must be really angry." I knew he would pick up on that. I had told him how it was, but I guess seeing it in person was different.

"Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I f****d up. Do you have any suggestions of how I can get her to forgive me?" I asked.

He searched my face for a minute. Then the fucker laughed. "Nope. You're on your own. My baby sis can be stubborn, as I'm sure you know. It's going to take a grand gesture to get her back. Personally, I would rather she join a nunnery and never talk to men again, but that's not going to happen. You make her happy. Don't give up just because you hit a rough patch."

I don't know how that fucker did it, but his words made me feel calmer. For the first time in as many days, I felt okay. I had a goal. I always reached my goals. That was one of the reasons I was so successful in business.

We went to the club to get ready for tonight. I texted Mia and told her that she had the night off but she insisted on coming in. She was still going to try to quit but I wasn't f*****g having that s**t. I needed her. The club needed her. She was the best goddamn secretary I ever had. s**t was finally running smoothly.

I left Wyatt at the club so I could run a few errands. I took my Phantom, because I had to go pick up mom and Valerie to help me with something. I told them my situation, and they were more than happy to help me win over Mia. Abigail was going to kill me for not including her, but she would have plenty of work later. Besides, my baby doll needed her.

When that was done, I dropped them off and went back to the club to get ready for tonight. My lair seemed morose and empty without my sunshine. It was as much hers and it was mine.

I hoped that by tonight she would be naked in bed next to me. I stroked myself to climax because that was the only way I could get my pants zipped, and then I showered and changed. I wore black slacks and a green V-neck cashmere pullover because my baby doll liked to ogle my chest. I did the usual to my hair and pulled on some Italian loafers.