Moth to Flame

CHAPTER 14

Ethan

"Mia!" My voice was cracked from screaming her name so many times. She had passed out in the hallway and the doctor was in with her now. I had checked her for wounds and blood, but I hadn't see anything to indicate she was physically hurt.

Before the doctor took her in, she had looked so tiny and broken. I had been a f*****g i***t. I should have told her every minute of every day how much I loved her. If something happened, I wouldn't be able to go on. She was my one true reason for living. Without her, I was nothing.

Thankfully, the Chianti villa had a full service clinic housed in an outer building. Being in the Mafia meant we couldn't always go to a regular hospital, because it would alert the authorities. Plus, we had lots of workers, and it was not uncommon for someone to have a heart attack or go into labor in the fields.

I was just happy my baby doll was being taken care of by one of our best doctors. He had assured me she would be okay. I wanted to believe him, but until I saw her with my own eyes I would not be resting easy. She would always be my number one priority.

I was still trying to wrap my head around what the f**k had happened in the hallway. I had been in Lorenzo' office talking to him about Russo business. I had thought my baby doll was safe in our compound.

I'd still had a smile on my face from the bathtub s*x I'd had with Mia. I clutched my chest at the memory. She had been so beautiful all covered with bubbles. We had been having a discussion about that skimpy ass s**t she'd worn in the fields. When I'd seen her from afar, it had taken the foreman and five more men to hold me back.

I had discovered that my own godmother, Diana, had ordered them to keep me away because she felt I needed to learn a lesson in how to treat Mia. I had been f*****g pissed about that s**t, but Diana's plan had worked. When Mia came in, I had been all over her. Just being without her for ten hours completely killed me.

Mia had to be okay. I needed her like I need oxygen. I knew I didn't deserve her, but she loved me as much as I loved her. Seeing her in that hallway with a dead Lena and unconscious Stefano had almost stopped my heart and also showed me how important true love really was in the scheme of things.

Lorenzo was downstairs trying to figure out what happened. Stefano had been so happy to meet and fall in love with Lena, and now it was all over. The only reason he was still alive was because we had found the vial still clutched in Lena's hand. The doctor had taken Stefano to the clinic and pumped his stomach until it was empty. He was expected to recover.

Luckily, he hadn't ingested much of the poison. I was just glad my Godfather was going to be okay. After losing my father, I didn't want to go through the pain of watching one of my surrogate dads die.

"f**k!" I yelled to no one in particular.

I felt f*****g useless. My baby doll was in a f*****g hospital room, and I was being a p***y. They had kicked me out of the clinic when I threw a chair through one of the windows. I knew my temper was f*****g horrible, but I didn't give a s**t. She was hurt and I couldn't help her.

Soon, I was returned to my office where they locked me in until Lorenzo could gather some news. It was the worst place for me to be, because everywhere I turned I saw something to remind me of my baby doll. My memories were driving me insane.

I thought about shooting one of my toes off in penance for the s**t I'd said to Mia. I had been trying to make her leave me, and the vilest s**t had come into my head. I had thought I could make her hate me, hate the monster I was deep inside.

In the car, I'd yelled at her and thrown her out. I had spent the rest of the ride cursing and in hysterics. The bodyguards I rode with had made me give up my gun, fearing for my sanity. I really had been f*****g insane, so I'd given it to them.

After watching Mia beg my pathetic ass not to leave her, I had wanted to f*****g die. She had saved not only my life but also Adam's. She said she wasn't a heroine, but she was and so much more. She was f*****g selfless. Many other people would have thought of themselves and gotten the f**k out of there, but not my baby doll. She had f*****g stayed because she loved me.

And then, like a jackass, I had gone and treated her like the lowest piece of s**t on the planet. She shouldn't have forgiven me for that s**t. I had basically called her ugly and worthless. The things I'd said about her body had made bile rise in my throat. I had been saying them, but my heart was elsewhere.

I'd had to smoke a joint before I'd even been able to come into the house. Seeing her at the table with my Godfathers had been surreal. She had looked like she belonged, and she'd already charmed them. I had been a complete and utter d**k to her and yet she fought for me. I had given up on our love and she hadn't. I was never going to forget her sacrifice. I couldn't begin to fathom how she must have felt listening to me demean her.

I had even flirted with a w***e who worked as a secretary for the vineyard. I'd tried to make my baby doll think that b***h was better, just to get her to leave me. She hadn't even batted an eye, telling me that I was hers and she wasn't sharing.

The sparring in the office had been the worst day of my life. When I'd realized Mia wouldn't leave without a fight, I had been caught between feeling both scared and elated. My stupid f*****g ass had even called her a 'b***h' and 'cunt;' she was so far from that s**t that it was funny. I should have been calling her a queen and groveling on my knees.

I had been so f*****g angry she still wanted me, so I'd f****d her hard on the desk. I'd hoped it would make her hate me enough to leave, but to my surprise, she had f*****g enjoyed it. Mia was everything. She’d pleased me to no end. There was nothing sexually that she wouldn't try. She gave me all her trust, and that was a f*****g powerful thing.

I knew I had to be the one to stop if s**t got out of hand because she wouldn't as long as I was happy. I had been cruel after our fight, f*****g her like a w***e. The moment my c**k entered her p***y, my world became focused again.

After feasting on her, there was no way I could go back to my old diet. It would take a lifetime and more for me to get enough of the drug that was my baby doll. Being inside of her made me feel like I was being put back together again. There were still lots of broken pieces of me, but she was the master of my puzzle, the only one that could make the picture into something worth seeing.

When she recovered from whatever the f**k was wrong with her, I was going to worship the ground she walked on. I was done trying to convince her to leave. I'd been deluding myself by thinking I could f*****g live without her; I couldn't, and I wouldn't try either. She had my heart, body, and soul for as long as she wanted them. Just the thought of f*****g another b***h made me feel f*****g sick to my stomach. I never thought I'd be a one woman man, but I was from this moment on.

I would be a better husband and father than my dad ever was. Mia and our kids wouldn't have to wait at the dinner table wondering where Daddy was, because I wouldn't ever f*****g leave them. And god, did I want it; I wanted all the s**t I never thought I wanted before. I wanted a home with my baby doll, children, a dog, and a f*****g picket fence. Well, a bulletproof fence in my case, because of my mobster status.

I wanted a family to call my own. I wanted to wake up with the love of my life everyday. I wanted to see her glowing, her belly round with our child inside. I wanted to fight and make up for a lifetime. I just wanted Mia to be my wife. If that would be all we ever had, that would be enough. I knew it was going to take a shitload of work on my part, but I was willing to go the distance.

I heard someone knock at door, so I went over to open it. A pale and stressed-looking Lorenzo entered. He gave me a hug, squeezing my shoulders lightly.

"Is… is… it Mia?" I could barely choke out the f*****g words.

He looked at me and gave a tight smile. "No, Ethan, the doctor wanted to let you know she's fine. However, because of the stress of the past few days, she has gone into shock. When I explained to him about the ambush and now this ordeal, he was astonished she hadn't gone into shock sooner. Her vitals are good and she's asleep. He told me if you promise to control yourself and not cause any more damage, he will let you back in the clinic. She will be scared when she wakes up, and a comforting face will help."

I stared down at my shoes. Of course she was in f*****g shock. I had read about it and knew it was caused when something traumatic happened to someone. It was the body's way of dealing with it. Her mind couldn't take all the s**t she'd been through, so it had retreated into unconsciousness.

I let out a sigh of relief because my baby doll wasn't seriously hurt. For a minute, I'd thought she may have ingested some of the poison. There was no f*****g way I could stay away from her. I would go to the clinic and remain by her side until she woke up. Though, there were still a few questions I had before I could go to Mia.

Lorenzo was standing by the bar with two snifters of whiskey in his hands. I took one and we both sat down. He chugged his down before turning to me.

"Son, I'm so sorry Mia was hurt. Diana is with her now and hasn't left her side. As you know, we consider her our goddaughter and a part of this family.

“Seeing my brother… I thought he was dead." He choked up.

I went over and poured him another glass and grabbed the bottle for good measure. We were going through a lot of f*****g liquor at this house. It had a horrific few hours.

He got himself together and began speaking. "That b***h Lena was playing us from the beginning. Everything was orchestrated to bring our Clan down. I just got off the phone with Patrick. He's holding one of the guys who worked with her. The fucker is singing like a canary. He's scared as s**t and begging for his life. It appears Lena was out for revenge."

My eyes snapped up and I snorted. "Why the f**k would she need to get revenge on us? We've known her for years."

He got up and began pacing the room. "Ethan, I've just found out Lena was not who we originally thought. The man who raised her was not her biological father. Her real dad was Matteo Zimbelli."

I jumped up out of my seat. "Matteo the Bull? That fucker you had put in prison for trying to kill my father?"

He nodded. "The very one. He went down when Lena was a baby. Her mom divorced him and married Francesco, who we believed to be her real dad up until now. Matteo wrote her letters her whole life. He sent her lavish gifts from prison. In her eyes, he hung the goddamn moon. She loved him and worked most of her life to get revenge. We keep records on every member, but they slipped through our hands.

"Francesco wasn't high level, so no one ever really dug into his background. As far as we knew, Matteo had never fathered any children. It seems Lena's mother was already f*****g Francesco before Matteo went to the Pen. It was nothing for her to convince him to sign his name on the birth certificate as Lena's father. She felt bad, though, and still let Matteo keep in touch.

"In his correspondence, he blamed us for everything bad that had happened in his life. He bemoaned the fact that he and his baby girl were separated while we lived well. She grew up hating the Russos and everyone who was a member. When Matteo died in a prison fight, she assumed that we had had him killed.

"Of course, that wasn't the case. I felt like him spending a couple of years in prison was enough. Usually we would have had him killed, but your father had told me he didn't want another bad thing weighing on his conscious. I hadn't protested. However, Matteo had gotten himself killed by starting s**t with that Spanish mobster."

This was a lot of f*****g s**t to process. Lena hadn't ever really been a part of our family at all. If you'd have asked me a few days ago if I trusted her, I would have said yes. To know she had been so close made me feel uneasy. How many other traitors were among us? History and movies had taught me that anyone could f*****g turn on you, but still this s**t came as a surprise.

Lena's real father had stabbed my father when I was ten. Back then they'd told me, Mom, and Abigail that he'd been in a car accident because they hadn't wanted us to worry. When I got older and joined up, my Godfathers had confessed the truth to me.

Lorenzo walked back over to his chair. "At your request, I've added extra security to your family in Washington. Lena's visit was not accidental, and I would not risk anything happening to your mom or Abigail. My men haven't received any threats yet." That was a f*****g weight lifted off my shoulders.

"How was Lena planning on escaping?" I asked.

He closed his eyes. "She'd drenched Stefano's soup with a type of poison which would cause a heart attack. She'd used the money she received when her parents died to create an enterprise. We had been doing business with her umbrella corporation for years. It was hidden under several layers, and we never had a clue. She got close to my brother so she'd have a foot into our Clan. It's that old saying, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'."

He snorted. "One of her henchmen is being questioned by Benjamin as we speak. He worked in the vineyard so he could be close when the time came. He was supposed to sneak the vial into the cook's private quarters, so that when we searched, we'd find the bottle and think the chef was our traitor. I'm guessing she was going to make Mia ingest the same food as Stefano so both deaths could have been blamed on the cook.

"Her plan was falling apart because she and the guy had had an argument. He had gotten cold feet and wouldn't help her. She had her men attack us in Chicago and Italy so she could get us all in the safe house. She was planning to have Diana and I killed next. She was going to set it up as a car accident, so there wouldn't be any questions.

"After that, she had planned to go for you while you were in mourning for Mia. Her man told me she was confident that you were a w***e and would easily fall for her charms. By that time, Stefano and I would be dead so you'd be the leader of the Russos. She was supposed to marry you and then have you killed, so that she, as the grieving widow, could take your place. She thought that since she was business savvy and had lots of friends, she would be allowed to lead. Her ultimate coup would have been naming the Clan after her father. Lena put a lot of time into her plans for revenge. She was a conniving and ruthless cunt."

I threw my glass against the wall. My blood was f*****g boiling. "That b***h! She was going to murder my baby doll and my whole f*****g family. I'm going to f*****g cut her up into little pieces and burn the ashes. I wish she wasn't dead so I could kill her ass again. That little cocksucking b***h! She honestly thought I would marry her ass if my baby doll was dead! She had to be out of her f*****g mind!" I swore and paced until I started to feel dizzy.

Lorenzo let me get the frustration and anger out of my system before he interrupted me. "Calm down, son. It's over now. We've got everyone who works for her in custody. Some escaped, but they are bit players and it's only a matter of time before we catch them anyway. Mia and your godfather need you to keep a level head and be there for them. Let me handle the tough s**t. I wasn't there the day your father died, and I've always regretted not being the one to get revenge for you. Let me handle the Lena situation. I owe it to you."

He looked older than I'd ever seen him. His face was drawn and there were deep circles under his eyes. I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Lorenzo, I consider you my blood. You have never and will never fail me. You were the reason I didn't go to prison for killing the bastard who murdered my father. I know I don't say the s**t enough, but I love you, old man."

He smiled before pushing me away, hating to get sentimental in front of people. "Go see Mia. Let her know I'm thinking of her."

Our clinic was located a few miles from the actual house. It had all the best state-of-the-art equipment, with three full time doctors and five nurses on staff. If we needed more people, we had contacts we could outsource from the main hospitals.

My armed guard drove me to the building. Adam was also there with Mia and Stefano. Adam was stable, so the doctor was going to release him soon. I hopped out of the car, wishing I had brought some damn flowers or something. I had been apart from my baby doll for too long, and I couldn't wait to see her.

Doc Moretti, the one who'd kicked me out, greeted me when I walked though the door. "Hello Mr. Sodero. I hope you've got your little problem under control. Your girlfriend is resting. Your godmother has her on the best sheets and is hovering around her like a mother hen. Try talking to her. She needs to wake up so we can monitor her."

I promised him I would, but there was just one more question I had to ask. "Did you see her naked?"

He turned towards me, a small smile on his face. "Yes, but I am a doctor. There was nothing s****l about it."

I clenched my fists. "Forget whatever the f**k you saw. I'm going to make sure we add a female physician to this place, because I'll be damned if you see her body again. Not that I plan on her needing to visit you in the future."

He was staring at me in complete and utter shock. I just smirked and strode past him, bumping his shoulder as I went. I knew I shouldn't have said that s**t, but it pissed me off that another man had laid eyes on my baby doll, even though it was for medical purposes.

A nurse led me to Mia's room. Di was asleep on the couch next to the bed. She had a book resting on her chest. I walked over, kissed her on the forehead, and insisted she go home to Lorenzo. She didn't want to leave, but I assured her that her husband needed her more. She eventually conceded and allowed a guard to take her back to the house.

I sat on the bed next to my baby doll. Her lustrous hair was spread around the firm pillows. She was as pale as a f*****g ghost. She was attached to a heart monitor which beeped regularly. All she was wearing was a pair of sweats and a f*****g tank top. She looked angelic. Her breasts were heaving slightly with every breath she took. I cursed my d**k for getting hard while I stared at her. She didn't look sick at all, it just looked like she was sleeping.

I longed to see her big brown eyes and that beautiful blush again. She was so f*****g beautiful it hurt to look at her. I had always enjoyed watching her sleep and tonight was no different. Sadly, she wasn't mumbling my favorite words. I needed to hear that s**t or I would never go to sleep again.

I leaned down to kiss her lips. She tasted just as sweet as ever. Her eyes opened slowly. I smiled, hoping she could see the love in my eyes. She just stared up at me.

Then, she said the last thing I expected. "Go away, Ethan. I want to be alone."

I was so surprised I blurted out the first thing that came to my goddamn mind. "I love you, baby doll."

Mia continued to look at me, but there was no love or anything in her face. She had never looked at me like that before. I was starting to worry.

What the f**k happened?

My blood was turning cold. I could sense some bad s**t was about to occur. She turned her back to me. I looked down at her beautiful creamy porcelain neck. I wanted to touch her so badly.

"You say you love me, but I know you're here to try to get me to leave you again. I don't have the strength to fight with you anymore, so do what you want."

I gave in to my urge and kissed her neck. She tensed up. "Don't. Just leave. Please."

This was not going the way I had planned at all. I thought she would wake up and we would re-affirm our love. I was going to start spoiling her like I should have done from the beginning.

"Baby doll, I'm not going to do that again. I can't f*****g live without you. I already apologized and you accepted. Remember? I don't want to fight. I just want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Don't send me away."

I heard a broken sob come out of Mia's throat. I reached down to stroke her hair but she cringed away from me. A pain shot through my heart. I felt like crying but I couldn't get the tears to fall. My eyes started to burn with the strain of trying to hold it in. I bit down on my fist to stop the noise that was bubbling in my throat.

She sat up and turned around to face me. Fat teardrops were falling out of her doe eyes. I hated to see her f*****g cry. Her chest was heaving because her breathing was erratic. She looked so defeated and sad.

"Ethan, I forgave you, but maybe I shouldn't have." I reached out to touch her but she shook her head. My heavy hand dropped to my side.

"I came close to dying tonight, and that experience put things into prospective. The stuff you said to me in your office... some of it must have been true or you wouldn't have said it. I know you're sorry, but you're always sorry. I can't keep waiting for your next blow up or until you decide that you don't want me after all. I love you too much already. If you ever decided to leave me, I would fall apart never to be put back together again. I can't need you that much.

"Look on the bright side, you finally got your wish, what you've wanted since the first time we met. I'm breaking up with you."

I sat down in the nearest chair. It was hard to breathe. I started hypervenalating. I could hear Mia asking me if I was okay, but I couldn't f*****g speak. She didn't f*****g want me. s**t. My baby doll was leaving me. I was going back to being alone. I couldn't handle this s**t.

I stood up and went over to her. She looked worried and her eyes were swollen from crying so goddamn much. Before she could protest, I hugged her trembling body to mine.

"Please, Mia. Don't do this. I told you that I didn't mean any of the s**t I said. I'm sorry. I promise I won't leave you. You and me are forever."

She sighed and tangled her fingers into my hair, gently scratching my scalp. A small moan escaped my lips before I could stop it. My heart was in my throat.

"Ethan, you are the first man I have ever loved, and you will be the only one I ever will. I wish that were enough, but it's not anymore. We have an extreme physical attraction to one another, but we also spend a lot of time fighting. You always say you're sorry, but you continue to hurt me. I wanted a family with you. You've already made your thoughts clear on kids. What if you decided you don't want the same life as me? You would go away, and I would never recover. Let's just end it now, before there are divorce papers and children to think about."

She stopped to wipe her eyes. "You have no idea how hard it will be for me to live without your love, but worrying day after day that you might get tired of me or leave is worse. Twice, you have made fun of my body. Ethan, you said our kids would be freaks. It makes me sad that you think so low of me. You talked about making love to another woman. How do I know that one day you won't follow through on that?

"Yes, you say you didn't mean those things, but there's some truth in every statement. Maybe it was your subconscious saying what you've been thinking all along. I tried to be brave and pretend like it didn't hurt, but it did. Hell, it still does. Please, just go away. I want to be alone." She dropped her hand and turned back towards the wall.