THE ROGUE HE DENIED

Chapter Five

NOELANI POV

‘Mate’

I froze upon hearing Lana speak in my head for the first time in years.

‘Lana…I've missed you, it's been long, been years’ I whispered in my head.

‘Mate’, she said again, ignoring what I said.

‘What do you mean by mate, who's my mate?’

‘Alpha is mate’

Her last word sent a cold shiver down my spine. That's when I smelt it. His smell. It smelled like wood, sweet coffee and a hint of warm cinnamon, mellow and impossibly comforting, something I couldn't name. It surrounded his office.

‘All this time the alpha was my mate? He knew all along? Why didn't he tell me? Was that why he demanded that I stay quiet till you come back? But he just told Hannah he didn't have a mate and didn't need one.’

Lana whimpered in my head after my last statement.

‘Don't worry yourself Lana, there's no way he'd hate us, he can't hate us. Mate can't hate each other and if they do, they will both be hurting themselves. And legend says rejected mates would be inflicted with pains worse than anything on earth and would suffer out of loneliness till death. He can't be that cruel to reject us. We'd grow to love each other’. I said to comfort her, but truthfully I was trying to convince myself.

I paced the office, my mind racing. I had always dreamed of meeting my mate since I turned eighteen, but nothing happened. I waited for every full moon and every inter-pack celebration while my pack was still well and alive but still nothing. And now that I finally have a mate he decided to keep it from me and lock me up. I shrugged off the horrid thoughts I had. I must be overthinking, maybe he was protecting me. He probably has enemies and has decided to keep me safe. That explains the reason he didn't kill me.

When he comes back I'll tell him I've accepted him as my mate and he shouldn't be afraid on my behalf, I'll stand by his side, strong and unshaken.

A rush of excitement bloomed in my chest as I imagined us together. How we would live in harmony and love, like my late brother and his mate loved each other, even my late parents. The mate bond I've been yearning to feel for years. The bond that signifies love by the Moon Goodness, and she was never considered wrong.

I felt a tap on my shoulder as my eyes fluttered open to see who it was. I didn't realize I had slept off on the sofa, I looked outside at night and had fallen.

“You slept” Ragnar scoffed in disbelief and rolled his eyes as he rubbed his forehead.

“I was waiting for you” I mumbled, keeping my gaze on everything except him, avoiding eye contact. My heart was pounding like it would explode, he was standing too close to me.

I could feel the heat radiating off him and I wondered what would happen if I touched him. My brother's mate always talked about the spark that comes with every touch one had with their mate.

“What about your escape plan?” He asked.

“I got distracted” I replied and looked away “And I don't want to escape anymore” I added quietly knowing fully well he heard me.

“Oh? You prefer comfort over the wild now?” He let out a humorless laugh and stepped back, away from me. He slipped his hands into his pocket, his face hardened again, unreadable.

“No. The only thing I miss in the wild is the freedom” My chest tightened as my next word hovered on the edge of my lips “You're my mate…that's the only reason I'm still here” I sighed, it felt like a burden has been lifted off my chest and with that I stood and moved closer to him. “I accept you as my mate” I whispered, lowering my head as a sign of respect but mostly because I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment and was pretty sure I was as red as a tomato.

Where the courage came from, I had no idea. I was excited and terrified at the same time. No one ever told me how this moment was supposed to go.

He didn't say anything, the silence was loud and deafening. I peeked up at him. His face had no glimpse of emotion. Nothing.

“Did I say something wrong? Ragnar” a rush of excitement filled me as I said his name out loud. He still didn't say anything. “Well my name is Noelani” I pushed on, filling the silence. Maybe he's stunned too “Noelani Griffin and i accept you as my mate”

I smiled and looked him in the eyes. “ Now it's your turn, Ragnar. You have to say it back but you'd use your name. My brother always made me rehearse the word to prepare me when I meet my mate” I said with so much excitement beaming from ear to ear.

“Who gave you the right to call me by my name?” He snapped, anger dripping from every word he spoke.

My eyes widened with fear and my smile vanished. I'm his mate and I have the right to call him by his name. I couldn't say that, because I was frightened. He started moving towards me and with every step he made I took two steps back, until finally there was no more room to move away from him. My back hit the wall.

“Answer me” He barked, eyes locked on mine.

“I….I thought I was supposed to” I stuttered, terrified.

“How do you know my name? It must have been the maidservants, right?, I'll have them stripped off their post” He stepped away from me trying to mind-link.

“No!…no it wasn't them” I blurted to stop him. Locking Ivana up in the toilet had been cruel of me. The news of stripping her out of her post will ruin her and she would hate me. “I heard it from…” I was too scared to say it, he would figure out that I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

“From who?” he asked “Because I didn't give anyone permission to serve you while you were that room”

“From Hannah” I admitted.

Something flickered in his expression. His face softened the moment I said her name, it confused me. Then just as quickly, it hardened again.

“She went into the room?” He asked. His voice held something else this time.

“No...I overheard you both converse. Earlier in the corridor. That’s how I found out.”

There was a long pause.

“Well then Noelani” he said coldly. “Since your wolf’s returned and had made you aware of the bond” He leaned against his desk with a smug smirk that didn't reach his eyes. His hands are still in his pockets.

“I, Ragnar Gray, reject you Noelani Griffin as my mate”

The moment he said those words, it hit me instantly. Lana whimpered in my head. Within seconds it felt like someone stabbed a dagger straight through my chest. A constant jabbing pain in my chest. I gasped for air, I couldn't get. I didn't realize the ordinary word of rejection from a mate could cause such agony to the one being rejected.

I looked up at him. He was a little pale. His jaw clenched, I knew he was feeling it too. He's an alpha, he's strong and can endure the pain more than I can. But he turned and walked out like nothing happened.

I tried to scream his name but no sound came, I couldn't speak. I stumbled across the room, pounding against the door with trembling fists. The room suddenly felt like it was closing in on me and I needed to leave the room.

When will I ever be happy?

From the moment I lost my family to being out in the wild surviving as a rogue and now a rejected mate. He didn't give his reasons to why he rejected me, he didn't even touch me. He just walked out and let me suffer here.

The expression he had when I said her name. The way he smiled with the softness in his eyes, the one time I saw him with her didn't compare to the way he despised every time I looked at him and the face of disgust he gave when I smiled at him. I should have known, he doesn't want me as his mate. Only a fool wouldn't know he liked her and I wasn't a fool.

I banged the door once more,harder. I wasn't going to let this end like this, but make him accept me.

Yes I was desperate for him to accept him, i couldn't bear to live through this pain every day. I wake up till the day i die. Better to be killed by silver once than die a little every sunrise.

It's either he kills me or accepts me because if he kills me, he dies too. We're bound, that's how this works.

And just as I made that decision, the door ripped open…