Chapter 1:
1024 Words
I swallowed hard as I closed my hand in a fist as I waited for my phone to ring. It was my cue to go where Ram and his date are. My mind can't help but imagine what they're doing right now.
Maybe Ram was smiling sweetly at him.
Maybe he's smiling sweetly back at Ram.
Are they holding each other's hands right now?
Are their hands around each other's body?
Are they...
Kissing right now?
The thoughts hurt me even more that made me want to just...
Disappear
I wanted to just punch myself in the face.
Fuck. Why does it have to be Kennan? There are a lot of girls out there who swore they’re in love with me and yet I fell for a gay, damn it.
Why the hell did I let myself fall in love with him?
And why does it have to be Ram, my cousin and my best friend, who he is in love with?
A tear fell from my eye which I immediately wiped away. I bit my lower lip hard. I wasn't shocked anymore when I tasted my own blood.
Can I really do this? Can I really sing as I see him and Ram showing their love for each other? Hugging each other and kissing each other?
My phone vibrated from my back pocket. It was the cue that I was waiting for. I took the phone and handed it to Timmy.
"Hold this for me. I won't need this." He immediately took it from my hand.
"We will just be here. We will wait until you're done," he sadly smiled at me. I forced myself to smile back at him.
I looked at each of my friends. They also gave me their lifeless smiles aside from Anthony of course. He was looking away from me. I know he was angry at me for doing this. But for the sake of our friendship, he finally shut his mouth.
I know that he was just concern for me. I know that he's hurting for me, too. He's my closest friend among my band mates.
"I've got to go. Wish me luck, guys."
I didn't wait for them to reply anymore. I didn't even look back at them as I walked away. I was scared that I might go back to where they are and disappoint Ram. I can’t do that. I owe Ram a lot.
The freezing wind kissed my cheeks as I walked towards the area where I was supposed to be. As I looked up to where they are, my knees started trembling.
I saw Ram smiling as he held Kennan’s hand as if he's the luckiest man in the world. My eyes went to where Kennan was. An invisible hand punched me in the chest when our eyes met. I saw how shocked he was to see me here.
When Ram followed where Kennan was looking at, his smile got bigger.
"Are you one of his fans?" he asked Kennan.
When Kennan didn’t reply, Ram continued.
"I really wanted to impress you so I got the best singer in our school to serenade you tonight," he proudly said.
"Actually, Wayne and I are not just best friends. We're cousins!" he excitedly added, oblivious at the way Kennan was looking at me.
I looked away from them and started playing the keyboards in front of me.
I don't want them to see the hurt and tears in my eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and cleared it. I started singing.
Why can't we be like that?
'Cause I'm yours…
I saw Ram take Kennan in the middle of the area and they started dancing at the music the keyboards and my trembling voice were making.
Every time I see you, I die a little more…
I was just glad that they weren't looking at me or else they'll see the tears that were falling from my eyes.
I wanna scream. I wanna take Kennan from Ram and ran away with him.
How I longed to be at Ram's place right now. I wanted to be the one dancing with him, hugging him against my body, whispering sweet words at his ear, and promising him all the joys in the world.
I wanted to be the one Kennan was looking and smiling at. I wanted to be the one he was dancing with. I wanted to be the one listening to his whispers.
But the sight in front of me is the proof and it's the sad truth that all my wishes will never happen… that Kennan will never be mine.
He will never love me because Ram is back. Ram was the man he was waiting for. Ram was his first love and would probably his last.
And I... I was just that stupid man who fell in love with him because of just one drunken kiss. I was the one who wooed him even if he's gay and I am a straight man. I humiliated myself just to satisfy him. I served him, gave everything that would make him happy. I trashed my pride and pursued him even all he did was push me away. I was the one who hoped that there could be an us. I waited for him to fall in love with me, too. Now I know why it didn't happen. Now I know why it wouldn't happen.
It was because he's still so much in love with Ram.
When I saw Ram took something from his pocket, I stopped singing. My breathing stopped as I saw him hand Kennan a ring. I turned my back and walked away as fast as I can.
I don't want to hear them say their promises to each other. I don't wanna hear them exchange I love you's. I don't want to see them while my heart was being torn into thousands of pieces.
"It's over, Wayne. It's time to give up," I whispered to myself as I ran away from the place that would literally kill me.
- Writer
