Prison of Tides

Chapter 9 - Plans

Jasmine's Point of View 

     Muffled voices. Everything was dark. I didn't recognize the scent in the air, but I recognized the feel of a hand over mine. A bed underneath me. Another hand in my hair.

     "Get off, please get off of me, please don't hurt me," I heard myself begging. He had me again. Or maybe it was one of the other men. I couldn't remember them. Their faces, their scents, what they sounded like. I couldn't remember what they did.

     "Shh, Jasmine, it's just me." Caspian's face came into view as his lips pressed into my forehead. I breathed a sigh of relief and curled into him.

     "You gave us quite a fright, my love. How are you feeling?"

     I remembered overhearing the conversation. "I don't know. It's a lot to process."

     "Yes, it is. But you aren't alone in it." He paused for a moment. "There's someone I'd like for you to meet."

     A woman, sitting in the corner of Caspian's room, stood and made her way to me. Her dark skin seemed to shimmer, and she spoke with a light accent.

     "Hello, Jasmine. My name is Eliza. I've heard a lot of good things about you." She held her hand out to shake mine. She covered my hand with her own as she introduced herself. I instinctively trusted her. "I'm a licensed psychologist, specializing in trauma. I understand you've recently been through a lot."

     I nodded. "Yes, it's been a rough week, to put it mildly."

     "I'm here to help you process this and heal from it. We don't have to talk about it now, if you don't want to. Whenever you are ready, I'm here for you. I will be by every day, and we can talk about whatever is on your mind." She smiled at me. I felt safe with her.

     "I'd like that very much. Thank you, Eliza."

     "Perfect. Your majesty, if you could give us some space, I'll take good care of her. I promise."

     "I'll be with my parents in the living room, love." He bent down and gave me a kiss. "Come find me when you're done?"

     "Of course, dear."

     He nodded to Eliza before he left.

     Eliza moved to his seat. "Before we get started, I would like for us to get one another a little bit more."

     "I'd like that, as well."

     "Very well," She smiled. "I decided to concentrate in trauma because I, myself, have experienced it. Anything you tell me, is safe with me. I will only share it if you give me permission to do so, or if I believe you're a danger to yourself or others. There is nothing you can tell me that I haven't heard, or experienced myself. This is a safe place to talk about whatever has happened."

     I believed her. I could sense she had a good heart, and would not betray my confidence.

     "Is there anything you'd like to share, Jasmine?"

     "Well, I don't really know where to begin. I've always been outgoing, but I feel scared now. I keep thinking, if someone so close to me could do this, who else can I not trust?"

     She nodded. "That is a completely natural response to what has happened to you."

     "Hearing he had my parents killed, hearing he sold videos of me, hearing he let other men pay to rape me while I was drugged, I can't even begin to comprehend it. It's like, I know that it happened. Logically. But when I think about it, I don't know where to begin breaking it down, or how I feel about it."

     "I'm so sorry this all has happened to you. When you think about what you have been through, what comes to your mind first?"

     I thought for a moment. "The videos, and the videos of me and... and other men." I looked down. I was so ashamed.

     "And what do you think about, when you think about that?"

     "All I can think is, who were they? What did they do? What did I look like, what is everyone seeing me doing? I know it's not everyone. But thousands. Thousands of people have seen me at my most vulnerable, paid to watch me being used. It feels like everyone. When the police walked in, when Caspian walked in, he was.. he was inside of me. When Caspian tried to get him to stop, he just kept raping me."

     Eliza handed me a tissue and patted my hand. I didn't realize I was crying.

     "They all saw me. He made me c*m. I couldn't stop while Caspian watched him rape me. I didn't want to, but my body betrayed me, and when it did, I betrayed Caspian. I am so ashamed."

     "I understand completely. Let's start breaking this down, okay?"

     I nodded into the tissue.

     "You feel like you betrayed your fiance by reaching orgasm while you were being assaulted. How does Caspian feel about that?"

     I caught my breath before speaking. "He says it wasn't my fault, thay it happens to a lot of people who are assaulted. And that the drugs he gave me just made it more intense."

     "So it sounds like Caspian understands you had no control over it. Because you didn't have control over it. What he told you is absolutely correct. There are certain types of rapists who get off on making their victims have orgasms. It's just another form of control."

     "I never thought about it that way. Him using it to control me. I mean, in my head, I know he did, but it felt like it was my fault, because some of it felt good."

     "I'm glad you can recognize that. Thinking about it now, do you still feel ashamed about the orgasms?"

     "Not as much. I do feel ashamed others saw me. I don't even know what others have seen, and what others have done to me."

     "Sometimes, knowing exactly what happened can be a way of taking back control. Perhaps you should ask to view the videos."

     My mouth dropped. "I can do that?"

     "Yes, you absolutely can. You are engaged to the Prince. You can do almost anything you want."

     "Do you think that's a good idea? For me to watch the videos?"

     "If you are tormenting yourself because you don't know what happened, then you may find a small sliver of healing from it. Perhaps watching them with someone you trust would help."

     I scratched my head. "I think that I will."

     "Alright, Jasmine. I think that's enough for today. I will see you tomorrow, at the same time. Is that alright?"

     "Yes. Thank you, Eliza."

     "If you need anything, call me. Thank you for sharing with me. I look forward to working with you." She squeezed my hand lightly before she left.

*

     I made my way down the stairs, into the living room, where Caspian sat with Queen Elenor and King Talun.

     "Two weeks? That's wonderful, my boy." The king patted Caspians shoulder, beaming from ear to ear.

     "Oh dear, we have so much to plan, so much to do. Jasmine and I will be very busy the next few weeks, Caspian. We must get the seamstress here, and the florist, and the baker, and - Oh! Jasmine!"

     They turned to see me in the doorway. The queen rushed to me and out her arm around my shoulder. "We have so much to do. I have a few magazines we should review, to decide on themes and colors and, oh my, we must figure out what we're going to do with this long hair of yours!"

     I looked at Caspian, who wiggled his eyebrows as he and his dad tried to contain their laughter.

     I smiled at her as she steered me towards the sitting room.

     "Now, I've come up with a few ideas of my own, that I thought you might like. But of course, it's your wedding, whatever you say goes." She said as we walked into the sitting room.

     "Um. Elenor?"

     "Yes, Jasmine?"

     "You don't think you've gone a little... overboard, do you?"

     The room was covered in boards with photos of different wedding dresses, samples of photographers' work, wedding cakes, color schemes and wedding themes. Floral options abounded, and the room was filled to the brim with fabric samples.

     "No, not at all. We need all of this to prepare!"

     The wedding planning began with that moment. We narrowed colors down to topaz and emerald - topaz, Caspian's favorite, and emerald, my own. She was ecstatic.

     "What a wonderful choice, oh, it's going to be so beautiful, you are going to make such a lovely bride." She wrote the color scheme on the whiteboard.

     Next came location and decoration decisions.

     "Now, I was thinking, do you want to do it on the beach, or here in the palace?"

     "I like the idea of the ceremony of the beach, and reception here, at the palace."

     "So, for outdoors, we can do evening or daytime. What do you see as the sky when you say your vows, dear?"

     "Night. I want the sun to set as I walk down the aisle, and the moon to shine as we say our vows."

     "How romantic!" She clapped her hands with glee before jotting the venue down.

     "What if we had an arch, that we could stand over? We could have it wrapped with ivy and bellflowers. And blue and green candles alternating down the edges of the aisle."

     "Perfect, perfect," She wrote this down. "Now onto the most important topic. Wedding dresses! Come with me."

     Following her to one of the extravagant dressing suites, I saw rows and rows of wedding dresses lining the walls.

     "Elenor! How did you get these here so fast?"

     She blushed. "I may have called to have them delivered as soon as Caspian announced the engagement."

     I looked at her.

     "What?"

     "Nothing. Just that you may be the most extra, crazy, amazing mother-in-law that I could have asked for." Laughing, I gave her a hug.

     "I'm just glad that you're home, safe and sound." I didn't realize how much I needed her motherly love until this moment.

     "Thank you, for everything."

     "No thanks necessary. You deserve a beautiful wedding, as does my son. You make a lovely couple."

     "So, where do you want to start?" I inquired, my eyes widening as I looked at the sheer number of dresses around us.

     Her eyes shimmered with mischief as she pulled three dresses from the rack. "With these. Try these on." Her hands on my shoulders, she steered me towards the large closet, where an attendant waited to help me into the dresses.

     I put on the slip as she prepared the first dress, then helped me into it. The large skirt flowed around me as I made my way into the room, where Elanor clapped her hands.

     "Oh my, Jasmine, this is the dress. It looks magnificent on you!"

     Looking into the mirror, I tried not to look at the scar on my breast, made visible by the strapless, sweetheart neckline. The dress was beautiful, but not quite my taste.

     As were the next two. Each time I came out of the room, the queen declared that she was sure it was the dress I would wear on my wedding day. I chuckled to myself before walking to the rack.

     "Now it's my turn to choose a dress, your majesty."

     "Alright, alright," She relented, waving her hands at me and rolling her eyes. "But I'm telling you, that last one is what you'll walk down the aisle in. I feel it in my bones!"

     "Mhm." I took the dress into the fitting room, slipping it on before looking at myself in the mirror.

     Wow.

     The lacy dress hugged the top of my body, flowing downward in an A-Line. The back had a keyhole, cutting off right about the mark on my back from the whip. The turtleneck had a diamond keyhole in the chest, at just the right angle that the lace covered the mark on my chest. The thin sleeves cut off on my shoulders, and a rhinestone belt on my waist accentuated my curves with elegance.

     My heart beat heavily, thinking of Caspian's face seeing me in this dress.

I walked out of the fitting room.

     "This is it, Elenor. I want to get married in this dress."

     "Oh, Jasmine." She dabbed a tear with her handkerchief. "I believe you're correct. And it doesn't even need alterations. Turn around, let me see the train," She commanded.

     Swirling around me, the train was just the right length.

     She called the attendant in.

     "We'll take it."