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Chapter 29 – Confession

8:28 pm says the clock. I am in the middle of self debate whether I will leave them, Sunny and Yannie, or should I go to the after-party. Sunny gave me this look like she wants to talk but Yannie doesn’t really care. I asked them if I could talk to them outside from here. The doctor came at the right moment and I turned around but the doctor seemed to recognize me so I smiled at her and she smiled back. She told Sunny she can go if she felt okay and that gave me the chance to asked them to get out of here.

Outside the hospital, Sunny offered to give us a ride. I called Jona to meet me at the party and that I will be back soon. “I’ll join you. Where are you?” Jona asked on the phone. “Just going to fix something. I will be back as fast as I can. I promise!” I said ending the call. Yannie sat on the back, Sunny on the drivers’ seat and I sat on the passengers’ seat. The atmosphere seems a bit foggy. I can see Yannie calling someone. I can’t hear what the other one is saying but Yannie seems to be in a special relation with him. “Yeah, it’s okay. I’ll be home with Sunny. I’ll call you later, okay?” she said. She seems to be happy with her new boyfriend but for some reason, I feel jealous somehow.

Sunny stopped the car near at the front gate of a really big contemporary kind of house. The light gave the house the beauty of a painting. It looks much more huge and cozy outside than my house in LA. A woman opened the gate and Sunny drove into the parking garage. Yannie got out of the car first and went straight to the house. She didn’t even bother waiting for us. Sunny gave me this look like “Don’t mind her” kind of expression which doesn’t bother me at all. We went straight to the living room and I can tell that the house looks like it was own by a celebrity. The design doesn’t look girly at all. I stopped at a big picture that is hanging on the wall next to a bedroom door. Yannie is smiling right next to a guy wearing a wedding gown. I looked at Sunny and asked “She’s married?”. Sunny was about to answer when Yannie came out from I don’t know holding a tray of snacks and replied instead of Sunny “Why? Can’t I get married?”. She sounded angry but composed.

Yannie slowly put the tray on the table and sat next to Sunny. I sat down facing both of them and started saying. “No, of course you can, I just asked because you told me you won’t get married to just anyone”. She, literally, glared at me. She’s shooting knives out of her eyes. “Maybe, I change my mind when some asshole decided to throw me like a used napkin” she replied not really changing her aura. Sunny somewhat decided to interrupt and change the topic. I was left thinking about what she said seems to be right. I interrupted Sunny and said “I’m sorry, if I’d known, I was going to support you with it”. Yannie changed the way she looks at me. She looks at me like I am the worst person in the planet.

Sunny then starting confessing “Yan, I don’t know if you could forgive me but I didn’t know that you’re Ian’s girlfriend. I was a mess and that time, I was just furious about my boyfriend cheating on me with some random girls and I just wanted to fight back the anger towards Ian. The way I hurted you, it won’t just leave a scar, I know and I can’t turn back time anymore. So please, just for once let it out”. I can see Sunny is making it right. I never did apologize to Yannie about that night. It was just another fling break up which I don’t really care or is it just a mask I was trying to put on to not face the pain it caused me.

Yannie looked at Sunny and it felt like the bad air are out and she didn’t even say anything to her. She then face and look me in the eyes. I felt awkward and nervous all of a sudden “I’m sorry, I lied to you about my identity. It wasn’t just you who was lost the time we met. It was a hellhole to me as well” she started apologizing and it doesn’t feel right. I feel like my heart right now feels like it’s beating so fast and that it just won’t slow down. All Yannie felt was love at the time, she told me that too. I just don’t know if it was love or just another puppy love so I tried to really hide what I felt back then. Meeting her now, memories are coming back to me.

Those time we shared my first ice cream outside my house without anyone knowing. It felt like I was really living the normal life. All the things normal kid would experience at that time, she gave that to me. She made me feel like any normal kids, our age. I always remember her so mature that I thought she was older at me every time she would lecture me on life and how to stable my life. I guess, that was the reason I was just so comfortable living maturely while I was with Shelby. Even if it was hard, I tried to really act responsibly but things don’t really go the way you wanted sometimes. It just won’t make you happy. “Responsibility makes you vulnerable” that was the one thing I can think of living the life of a responsible young adult at that time. Even today, I felt like I’m still chained to the life of still growing and I am still growing up. I am only 22 but it felt like I want to tie it down just like how my decision of marrying Shelby was really made me feel like a grown up.

“I am sorry for hurting you. I messed up pretty big and I know that you still remember those times I destroyed everything for you. The way I wanted it to just be mine, be my girl and everything around us felt like I own it…” I started to feel all the emotion that I was holding for a long time for her. The way I ended things with Sophie was the painful breakup because it wasn’t me all along. Sue made realize how to be an explorer, to choose reality over the fantasy and Shelby made me realize that I can be a man of responsibility but Yannie never invade my decisions for once. Everything I want, she gave it wholeheartedly and I think that was the foolishly things and the stupidest I did for a woman like her.

My voice started to c***k slowly and painfully. I confessed everything was my fault. “I’m sorry I made you do things you don’t like and push you to do everything for me even if you’re the one who was dying inside beside me. You turn things to be beautiful for me and I ruined it for you. Sunny didn’t do anything, the moment I knew you two were sisters, I couldn’t choose because Sunny was my girlfriend to everyone but I never told anyone about you. You never questioned why I did that. Making you feel worse when I’m with you’re sister. I am so sorry, Patty”

I can see the both of them crying but I knew that I am definitely an asshole. After our little drama, Yannie forgave her sister and told her to move things forward and it was all in the past. When she looked at me, I knew she was at peace with me. I didn’t think she would really hug me but she did and it was long one. I hugged her as tight as I could and whispered “I am sorry and thank you”.