Things We Left Unsaid

What Stayed With Me

I didn't say anything after that.

Neither did Folani.

For awhile,we just sat there, listening to the distant noise coming from the school compound.

A football hit the wall somewhere behind us.

Someone shouted.

A teacher called after a student.

Life was happening around us as if we hadn't spent the last hour talking about something that happened two years ago.

I looked at the empty space beside me.

Sometimes I wondered how people managed to continue living after something terrible had happened.

Maybe that was the cruel thing about life.

It didn't wait for you to catch your breath.

It simply kept moving.

" You okay? " Folani asked.

I nodded.

" Yeah."

He looked at me.

" You don't look okay? "

I smiled faintly.

" I'm fine."

" You've said that three times today."

" Maybe because it's true."

He didn't argue.

Instead, he looked towards the school building.

" I didn't know any of that. "

" Most people don't."

" About Amara."

" About any of it."

He was quiet.

Then he said, " I understand why Ashley keeps asking about her brother now."

I nodded.

" Her brother lost a full funded scholarship because of the fight."

" And everyone remembers the fight? "

" Exactly."

" But nobody remembers what came before it."

I looked at him.

" That happens a lot."

" What does? "

" People remember the part that's easiest to remember."

He waited.

" They remember someone getting angry.They remember someone leaving.They remember someone making a mistake."

I swallowed.

" But they don't always remember what happened after that."

Folani looked at me carefully.

" You're not talking about Amara anymore."

I didn't answer.

But he was right.

I was thinking about my father.

I hated that his name could still appear in my mind without warning.

I could be sitting in school.

Walking home.

Eating dinner.

Laughing with Dami.

Talking with Folani.

And somehow he would still find his way into my thoughts.

My father had left.

That was the simple version.

The version everyone knew.

The version everyone could repeat in one sentence.

Her father left.

But nobody knew what it had done to me.

Nobody saw the small things.

The way I noticed whenever someone's attention changed.

The way I became suspicious when someone suddenly became distant.

The way I sometimes expected people to disappear before they even had the chance to.

I had spent years believing leaving was what people eventually did.

Some people just took longer than others did.

Maybe that's why Amara's story had bothered me so much.

Everyone had judged her.

Everyone had created their own version of her.

And everyone had forgotten that there was a person underneath the story.

I knew what that felt like.

Not in the same way.

But enough to understand.

Folani nudged my shoulder.

" You're doing it again," Folani asked.

" Doing what? "

" Going somewhere in your head." I looked at him.

" Maybe I like it there."

" Is it better than here? "

I smiled.

" Sometimes."

I laughed.

" Fair enough."

Before the silence could become uncomfortable, I heard footsteps approaching.

" Viola."

I turned.

Dami

He stopped when he saw us.

" You're still here? "

" Unfortunately."

He laughed.

" Everyone's gone."

" We're leaving now."

He looked at me, then back at Folani.

" Can I talk to you for a second? "

Folani immediately stood.

" I'll wait outside."

Dami shook his head.

" You don't have to."

Folani looked at me.

" You sure? "

I nodded.

" Yeah."

He walked a few steps away.

Dami lowered his voice.

" I wanted to check something."

" What? "

"Ashley."

I raised an eyebrow.

" What about her? "

" She asked me about her brother earlier."

" I know."

He looked surprised.

" You heard? "

" Some of it."

He nodded.

" I just feel bad I couldn't tell her anything."

" You couldn't."

" I know."

He paused.

" But I think she deserves answers."

I nodded.

" She does."

Dami looked towards the door.

" Anyway, don't let it bother you too much."

I smiled faintly.

" Too late."

He laughed.

" That's very you."

"What does that mean."

e smiled slightly.

" Anyways, I'm going home."

" You get curious about something and suddenly you're carrying the whole story in your head."

" Maybe I just care."

" I know "

He smiled.

" Come on, let's go before they lock us inside. "

I laughed.

" Imagine us getting expelled because we refused to leave school. "

" Not funny."

" Okay, okay."

We walked towards the gate.

Folani was waiting outside.

He looked at us.

" Finally."

Dami grinned.

" Relax. nobody was k********g her."

Folani laughed.

" I wasn't worried."

" You looked worried."

" I was bored."

" Same thing."

I shook my head as they started arguing.

For the first time this afternoon, I laughed.

The sun was beginning to set, as we walked outside the school gate.

Folani went one direction.

Dami and I went in another.

" See you tomorrow." folani called.

" Tomorrow." I replied.

I watched him disappear into the crowd.

Then I turned to folani.

He glanced at me.

" Still thinking about Amara."

I looked ahead.

" Probably."

He nodded.

" Okay."

And that was all he said.

No questions.

No pressure.

Just okay.

We continued walking home.

But even with the noise in my street around me,my mind remained somewhere else.

Two years ago.

A girl named Amara.

A fight nobody could properly explain.

A boy who lost his scholarship.

Two classes that never really recovered.

Amara's story had opened something inside me that I wasn't ready to examine.

I had spent years convincing myself that certain things didn't bother me that much.

Maybe they did.

Maybe some wounds didn't simply disappear because you stopped talking about them.

Maybe they just became quieter.

I wasn't ready to tell folani.

Not about my father.

Not about what his leaving had done to me.

That's my story.

Amara had been left with questions nobody could answer. I knew that feeling. I'd been carrying my own unanswered questions.

And for now, it was one of the many things I was choosing to leave unsaid