11
1701 Words
“So, it wasn’t a mission?” Skylar sat in the Trans Am with Russell later that night, still grappling with the fact that everyone had decided not to tell her he was spending time in the hospital and with his family. She had spent the afternoon with Kenni, who groused over Dalton’s idiocy while also sharing light-hearted updates about Thomas and Memphis now that she lived with them.
The twinned towers of their building flanked the main doors, resembling the grand rooks of a castle. Hans’s design had indeed turned their home into a fortress with security rivaling Buckingham Palace. A warm, work-roughened hand closed over Skylar’s wrist, and she turned to look at Russell.
Tears glistened in her eyes. “Please tell me why.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with everyone else, babe. I promise, I never meant to exclude you. I guess they just thought it would be easier for you since you just started your new job. I’m really proud of you, by the way. Watching you hand that dude his balls today was something else,” Russell whispered.
A tear escaped her eyes, causing Russell to frown as he reached over with his other hand to brush it away. Fear gripped Skylar as she remembered the last time they were alone. “I’m sorry.”
Russell’s frown deepened, but his eyes remained clear and compassionate. “Sky, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you don’t deserve whatever hell you’re hiding behind that beauty of yours. I know there’s something there, but I won’t pry unless I have to. Whatever it is, I hope you understand that fearing me is useless.”
What was he saying? Did he think she was weak, that she needed constant protection? “Excuse me?”
“There you go again with jumping the gun,” he muttered, dropping her hand. “Sky, just, please. I really don’t want to lose you, so can we just start talking instead of resorting to your usual violence?”
Her breath hitched, her heart hammering as his hand cupped the side of her face. His voice faded, dulling until she no longer heard him speaking. His face morphed into one from her childhood as a monster she’d been trying her hardest to silence rose its head, coming at her while smiling devilishly.
“Sky! Baby, calm down. It’s okay, you’re okay,” Russell whispered, pulling her to his chest as she fought against him. She cried out, sobbing in obvious pain. As much as he tried, he couldn’t figure out what caused the pain, though. He held her, letting her cry, letting her beat her fist weakly against his biceps until the fight drained from her. When she was nothing more than a sobbing mess, he kissed the side of her head. “Do you feel better?”
She shook, her body shivering against his. “Let go.”
“Will you talk to me?”
“No,” she whimpered. “There’s nothing to say. Nothing’s wrong. My Shark Week must be coming up. I, um, I better check my calendar to be sure.”
Russell scowled, “Skylar, please. I know something’s bugging you. I get it, you’re scared, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to cry, to yell out your pain, but it’s not okay to keep hitting me. This has to stop, baby. I waited so long to ask you out, and, even then, you beat me to it.” Her heart dropped with his words. The thoughts in her head came faster, beating against her sanity as she struggled to put her best foot forward. Unable to shake the feeling that he was trying to say something deeper than he indicated, she asked, “What are you saying? Why are you talking like that? Did… are we… are we okay?”
Pulling her close, he immediately jumped back when he felt her nails dig into the flesh of his jean-clad leg. “Damn it, Sky! Stop that!”
“Then stop trying to lure me into a false sense of security, and just tell me why. Why did you have a breakdown? Why didn’t anyone want to tell me you were right here in the building all this time? Is it me? Am I the problem?”
Russell growled in pain as he glared at her. “Skylar, I was undergoing therapy for my CPTSD, but it obviously wasn’t enough if I had to be put on meds to stop me from taking myself out of this world. Robert, he’s my best friend and… Sky, he saved my life. He’s the reason you’re still able to sit here and talk to me like this. I didn’t know the others were staying mum about my whereabouts, but that was in no way my decision nor was it ever my intention to make you worry for any reason. As for the last question, I’m not sure if you want me to answer it.”
The thought of him ending his life hurt more than she thought it would. She didn’t want to lose him to his illness, but it felt like he was being so selfish with his life. Was he right? Would she regret finding out the answer to the last question?
She let out a breath, “So, you had no idea the others conspired to keep us apart? Despite knowing you could have called or texted on your own?”
“They took everything from me. I only just got out from under their scrutiny today to come see you, and that’s the truth, Skylar. I had no clue what was going on until you mentioned it at the agency earlier,” he replied, his voice dull.
She took a deep breath, wondering how things had gotten so complicated between them. She understood that he wasn’t the monster from her past, but he was a man and they normally only wanted one thing from girls like her. Beautiful, unsuspecting, proud girls that got victimized and used by the guys they dated until they were nothing more than a shell of their former selves.
Wiping the tears from her face, Skylar unbuckled her seatbelt. “Russell, I just felt like you didn’t want to be around me anymore after what I did. I’m not ready to talk about it, though. I’m sorry I hit you.”
“I’d like to know why, but I won’t push for answers,” he told her calmly. Then, with a small grin, he added, “So, Kennedy and Memphis are getting married next week. I’m not sure if letting her loose on Quebec will be a good thing or not, but that’s Thomas’ problem now.”
Unable to stop it, laughter bubbled up from her chest. She shook her head, “Kenni isn’t that bad unless someone pisses her off to the max. If Memphis’s family gets out of hand, I can’t imagine her letting them off with it, though. There’s a reason he fell for that brassy bitch.”
Russell chuckled, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. Despite the light-hearted moment, his heart was heavy with the knowledge that he’d done nothing to her, yet she still freaked out on him. He loved her, loved everything about her, but he didn’t know how much more he could take.
The up-and-down behavior told him clearly that there was something she was hiding. It told him that he wasn’t the only one to face the monsters of his past—the demons that clawed at his sanity and left him a broken shell, a remnant of who he used to be. He paled, spotting his brother coming out of the building and looking around frantically. “I gotta go.”
“Not a chance,” his girlfriend snarled. “I need you to tell me what’s going on. What’s happening to us, Russell?”
“Sky, nothing is happening to us. We both have wounds no one else can see. We’re both healing from things we think no one else can understand. The truth is, you’re just as scared as I am, but I don’t know why. You want me to open up, but you won’t do the same for me, so where the heck does that leave us?” he countered.
Her mouth fell open. “Are you joking? Russell, you know how I feel about you. I love you so, so much. I just… I can’t bring myself to talk about my life before we met just yet, okay?”
Russell grunted, pulling out his pack of smokes. “Then the same goes for me. On that note, I don’t want to fight over anything, so can we try to talk things out before resorting to violence? I’ve got enough cuts and bruises to explain to the others without you giving me more.”
He was about to light one when she grabbed it, crushing it in her fist before tossing it out the window. “What the hell?!”
“I thought we agreed you would quit,” she grumbled, her voice tinged with frustration.
“I’m done,” he breathed, his voice heavy with resignation. “Get out. My brother is on his way over. I wasn’t supposed to see you yet until my meds fully kicked in so that I wasn’t triggered by anything. Please, just go home to your brother and father.”
“Russ-”
“Robbie was right, you really don’t listen. I need to be alone, Skylar.” Lowering his voice to a whisper, he hissed out, “You pinching me earlier made my leg bleed. I need time to come up with a believable excuse to cover it up.”
Her eyes went wide as she stared at him, the shock evident on her face. “That almost sounds like you’re accusing me of abusing you. Maybe if you were more mindful of your actions, I wouldn’t have to take such measures.”
“And maybe I could go find a girlfriend that’s not you,” he shot back in anger, his eyes blazing with frustration.
- Writer
