At The End Of Their Tunnel Vision

Chapter XIX

"Withdrawal. But–but I'm not an addict, Elliot."

"Unfortunately, you are a dependent without realizing. Is it not strange when vampires still need to drink blood even under a suppressant or your kind are still working in the brothels while suppressors are massively produced nowadays?"

Narelle gritted her teeth. "You know not everyone can have easy access through those medicines with how ridiculously expensive they priced those shits."

"Stop being a brat and listen." He paused as he pointed the lollipop at her. "The more you defend this whole topic, the more it shows how reckless and unaware you are. Ignorant is a bliss–of course until the consequences finally cave in." His gaze held her into place, daunting her. Elliot was finally confronting her.

But she had her reasons. The price of the suppressant medicine she was taking was way more expensive if she purchased it in the actual pharma. So, being a broke dumbass relied on the alternatives she was taking. And he knew her financial situation.

"You know what will happen once I stop taking my meds." His stares hardened at her. A pang of betrayal embedded in her chest like a stab of icy jagged knife. As if she had a choice other than popping those pills just so it could ease a bit of her hunger. "You should know more than anyone else." Her voice slowly went into a low whisper, bowing her head into resignation.

"I am not against the medicine you are taking. My concern is aimed towards your dependency that eventually led you to be immune." She heard him groan when he opened the window again, this time the window remained open as he pulled a stick of cigarette, wedging it between his lips. Although he was scowling from the cold breeze hitting him, both of his shoulders had fallen in a lax state, after the long drag he took on his nasty habit. Look who was talking about being dependant; when it was obvious how much of a reliant he was on his cigarette.

"You sure talk big about me being an addict. When you can't stand another thirty minutes without being a chimney." She scoffed. Elliot ignored her insult which annoyed her further. He even took a longer drag as if taking a deep breath before blowing a string of smoke towards the window. Her roommate was being a bastard now.

Narelle was glaring at him waiting if he had anything more to throw at her. And indeed after he grabbed his cellphone in his pajama pocket, wait his pajama had pockets? He threw his phone at her. "Read it carefully this time. I do not have any patience explaining things you should be aware of."

Her eyes averted towards the screen of her roommate's cellphone. Reading what appeared to be an article.

Precaution upon the consumption of suppressors medicine.

It is advice to seek out a professional therapist first for guidance towards the right dosage of intake. The medicine's effectiveness is heavily relied on utilizing a proper diet. Suppressors are not meant for self-medication nor hunger prevention. Too much usage without a proper prescription could cause immunization. Which will cause some undesirable effects such as; binge eating and magic depravations–

The phone slipped down her hands from the uncontrollable tremors shaking her hands. It was clear now. Indeed she f****d up. No wonder she was starting to feel intense hunger pains. The suppressors she was taking only nourished the starving pit within her, years of unguided medication only deepened the hole and now it would devour her little by little.

Unconsciously her growing attachment towards her roommate was caused by her guts, marking the nearest target possible. She felt awful.

"Do you really hate feeding from others so much?" Elliot asked.

Narelle shut her eyes, preventing the tears from leaking. "I despise it," she uttered, making sure every emotion swirling in her chest was imbued through the words she just spoke out.

"But what if you are feeding on someone you know? Do you still abstine yourself?"

She was pulled out of her own mulling. Her eyes squinted, eyeing the man nonchalantly leaning on the wall. He was staring right back at her with a deadpan look, but she knew under his neutral gaze he was waiting for her answer. Better answer him while her brain was still clear off by anxious thoughts.

"No. But I don't trust myself enough to actually go back from feeding on other living beings." Basically if she had a choice she never wanted to feed from anyone ever again. What happened that night with Elliot was the first sign of her carelessness; the consequence of her negligence. This was her fault, a pure stupidity on her part. A desperate attempt detaching the very nature of her being, for what? To live the life of her delusion.

Why couldn't she have a life without depending on other people?

Being a succubus sucks. Who was she kidding? It was inevitable for her to live the life she wanted.

"I got addicted before." She closed her eyes fighting off the surging memories of her past deeds. The disgust, resentment, and guilt gushed from the crevice of her metaphorical lid sealing all the secrets and emotions tangled in the mess, was now twirling around her neck like a thin string that goes tighter and tighter.

Narelle opened her eyes watching her roommate lit up another cigarette. He looked disturbed and in deep thoughts. Did he figure her out? She couldn't blame him. I would definitely act the same if my close friend just admitted they were an addict. Especially when the addiction she was implying was not related to any substance abuse.

This was just one of the reasons why she considered herself broken. And the only hope she was clinging on turned out to be a mistake. She didn't know what else she could cling on for her to go on and the end of the bright light in this tunneling world was still far away from her reach.

"It's ok if you can't deal with my s**t anymore. In my desperation, I immediately jumped and believed in the false reassurance brought by the unprescribed meds. I didn't bother knowing about the precaution as long as I can hold off the hunger." She fidgeted in her seat, wringing her hands and feeling the space between her missing finger on her left hand.

Elliot remained staring at the window. She doubted any of her words matter anymore with the way her roommate refused to look at her or even gave her any response at all. A heavy grinding sensation pounding on her chest that went through all the way from her back. Impending and dreadful fear deliberately wringing her at the moment.

"If you can rate from one to ten the feeling of hunger you have right now, what will it be?" He asked.

She bit the side of her lips while thinking, assessing herself. Then she remembered the fiasco in the kitchen, a clear indication she was luring a prey, playing with her food to be precise. The recognition only damped her already gloomy mood.

"In between six to seven." She said, still apprehensive about her answer.

Her roommate didn't accept her uncertain answer. Elliot snapped at her with a growl and glare. "Answer me with a solid number!" he snarled. His eyes were terrifyingly sharped, glowering at her. While he stabbed the eroded cigarette on the ashtray.

Well, somebody was absolutely pissed off. She almost leaped off from her seat if she wasn't dejected right now. "An eight you growling f**k! Sheesh–you want something solid. Here you f*****g catch this!" And she threw his phone with every physical strength she got. Which he caught effortlessly.

Elliot carried on from being grumpy. If he had fur all over his body she was so sure all of it was spiked up. "Do you always need to make things complicated?"

Complicated? Was that how she perceived her right now? Wasn't it obvious she was having a hard time dealing with her present problem? Of course her life was already in shambles, oh how about I add more to complicate things? f**k him then! Well not literally.

"How about you start admitting you simply had enough of me? Instead of trying to act like you care. I know too well if I'm unwanted. I got too many excess baggage and a f*****g mess. Just f*****g say it!" She screamed and she wasn't finished when Elliot interjected with an unexpected quip halted her mouth from running a mile.

"Ok, you are getting quite fat." He pointed with his third unwrapped sucker. Her roommate still looked grumpy and bored–no unimpress at her ranting. "Are you done getting emotional with me, Narelle? Or do you still have anything else to say, go on I am all ears, even though I do not physically have ears."

Why did his sudden lack of interest hurt?

The sudden withdrawal of her anger left a hollow space, now consumed with sadness. The shift was abrupt which caused a mental delay and her only indication was the cold trail of liquid on her cheeks. Next thing she knew she was sobbing from the force of overwhelming sadness. Just pure agonizing sadness.

Elliot being a total bastard ass remained unmoved at her wailing. After draining her tear ducts from the onslaught of unexplained sadness she finally settled down. She was laying on the couch cowering like an abandoned child.

"Are you done now?" Elliot asked him.

"f**k you."

She heard a rustling ahead of her and the cold breeze finally stopped getting inside. Drained and tired, she didn't bother opening her eyes anymore.

"If you shift number eight sideways you will get the infinity sign, do you know that?"

"Shut up." She whined.

"You are hungry– always, am I right?"

She sighed heavier than she intended to. "If I knew you were such a creep for knowing everything I should've run away."

"You had been bad mouthing this creep for the whole afternoon." Light touches swiped the hair covering her face like a curtain. "Funny how you even accuse me of abandoning you earlier. I will never do that."

"I will. At some point. I need to leave. You're only attached because of the benefits you got in my existence."

"And you need me."

"N-no." She stuttered, shaking her head. "NO." This time however she uttered the word with firm conviction. "I don't need you. I–I don't want to need anybody anymore. I don't."

"If that is what you want to believe."

Elliot's soft touches generated warm comfort lulling her exhausted mind.

"You're gonna force me?"

"Am I? Is this what you think I am doing right now?"

No

Elliot never forced her like she was some sort of possession he had to control. He might be scolding her, threatening her or intimidating her but he was only doing it in reprimanding her. Not once did he attempt controlling her, well except the time he put a collar on her. However after that incident she never heard him call her 'pet'. Then he started accommodating her better, became more willing and receptive of her touches, saved her with every distress and trouble. He even confided his past and disposition. Showing her who he really was.

"I'm scared. Elli."

He hushed her and cupped her cheeks. "You do not have to be. Not anymore. I will never subject you with anything I know you fear."

"I want to trust you but I can't. I'm too broken."

A tender trail of fingers nudged her hand laid in front of her face. Engulfing her hands in his hold. She opened her eyes when Elliot pulled her hand and watched him place a light kiss on her wrist.

"It does not matter if you are broken, Narelle. I will treat you with the same reverence. And you do not have to trust me either. Just believing in me will be enough." The devotion adorned by his voice sparked a reaction in her brain enough for her whole body produced a result she never expected.

It was utterly unanticipated that Elliot managed to swoon her.