A man's will

Chapter 2 : Denial

I stood at the end of the isle with my eyes fixated towards the windows every single miserable and terrible pain and damage I was not expecting to feel in my life. Yet I forced a smile and watched as Lillian walked down the isle with her father. She seemed even more miserable than I was which only made the both of us feel worse.

___________

After the wedding I was sitting in the car with my 'wife' as we headed back to the Evergreen mansion I clearly wanted nothing to do with Lillian and so did she. We never even bothered to look into each other's eyes let alone glance at each other in the slightest . As soon as the car stopped infront of the mansion I hopped out of the car and made my way to my room not even bothering to be a gentleman toward my so called "wife"

As I walked down the long dreadful hallway , I felt the pains of both regret and suffering weighing down on my structure. It was a very unpleasant feeling i had to admit , but that was a feeling I'd better get used to. As I slammed the door shut and hastily took of the beautiful yet now depressing suit which now held a burden and tossed it into the laundry basket now wondering why I even needed the suit anymore since it had no use any longer. As I let the depression and heart ache kick in , I solemnly walked to the patio attached to my room.

As soon as I got to the edge and gripped the artistically designed railing I looked up at the moon and had only now noticed it was a blue moon. I always adored the colour and beauty of the moon at this point. It's blue hue giving me some sort of comfort. I was a man who mainly liked being active at night , the silent cold breeze , the faint moonlight in the dark and the magnitude of stars shimmering in the night sky , it brought a sort of peace and serenity to my soul and also a burst of activity into my head. I loved it this way , if only it was night forever or that it could've lasted longer.

Time passed as I watched the moon travel among the darkened skies and clouds. My heart now at peace and had accepted what was now my life and hopefully these feelings of darkness would dwindle away to nothingness , but life has to cherish me with the beautiful double edged sword named bad luck. I walked back into my room , shutting the doors to the patio and closed my curtains. The lights which I had now turned on were the main source of light now and the silence in my room heralded and welcomed the drousy and not at all liked pest named depression once more entering my essence and corrupting my sanity.

A knock on the door caught my attention and broke through the silence of the stiffened air.

" Come in please " I said quite disturbed by hearing my own voice escape my mouth after hours of endless silence.

The door knob twisted and revealed a feminine figure appearing in the doorway. I peared at her and noticed the maiden who stood there with black hair and light blue eyes

. She smiled at me and bowed down before speaking " Good evening Mr Evergreen , I hope your are doing well. Is there anything you'd like me to do for you ?" She asked still at a half bow which was quite stunning since most of the servants and maidens usually looked me straight in the eyes when they spoke to me.

" Yes please , bring me a bottle of wine and a tall glass " I stated in a commanding yet polite tone just as she asked me.

She nodded her head and walked off gently, closing the door behind her as she left the room. I still stared at the door and I shrugged off the feeling of guilt and went over to my bed as I awaited the wine. Within a matter of mere minutes the maiden had arrived once more with the wine and glass I ordered for and left it on my night stand before bowing farewell and exiting the room in the same old previous manner. Honestly I felt bad but that wasn't about to affect me anytime soon.

I began drinking the wine slowly one shot at a time as the hands of the antique clock moved slowly telling me it was still around nine in the evening. As I drank my fiftieth glass of wine my door opened slowly. My gaze shifted to the door to only see Lillian staring at me with red and tear strained eyes. She looked pale and crushed as she walked over to me in the bedroom. I was in my shorts at this rate and my upper body was bare. She broke down and sadly began sobbing in the floor just three feet away from my bed and I looked at her sympathetically , yet my head was telling me to not even look at her and plainly ignore her. Yet my heart was telling me otherwise.

I got to my bare feet and walked over to her. I pushed back her waist long hair and cupped her into my shoulder , patting her back soothingly. Her tears fell onto my bare skin. It was uncomfortable but I tried to manage as best as I possibly could at this rate. Her voice sounded weak and she stuttered after each word she let out "

I'm..sorry......I ..i .i didnt want this to happen to you" she kept going on and on about how sorry she was.

I let out a gust of air and resigned from the matter. Rather I gestured her towards the bed after letting her ramble about how sorry she was , about the current situation we were tied up in. After she sat at the edge of the bed I sat next to her , rather closer than I usually sat but it wasn't all that bad.

" I know you feel bad and so do I but..we just have to live with it. It's not as if we can agree with anything that's happening to us , life just seems to be spiralling down an endless whirlpool in the boundless sea , whether it has an end or not. "

Lillian looked up to me and I caught her gaze , her green eyes and black long smooth hair slightly covering her eyes , she had folded it into a messy bun and she was wearing loose trousers and a heart sweater. Much too big for her but it clearly accompanied her emotions much like a flower welcoming a bee to take its pollen.

Her eyes darkened as so did her emotions , I guess I wasn't the only one who fell into an endless void of depression and guilt , anger , frustration , sadness you name it. She was clearly at a loss of voice since she broke the gaze we had and faced the corner of the room. I watched her do so and watched her guilt bite at her. I also fell once more into my heartbreak built void and found no way out as if the way I had entered disintegrated into pure nothingness. My lips opened once more as I spoke , this time with much less emotion.

" You know , happiness is fragile , it can be made strong by those who enter your life and weakened by those who leave your life , hope dwindles into nothing and serenity wilts by the chemicals which choke and prevent it from thriving. Thorns pierce you internally leaving damage that cant be healed by any physical attempt or feet. And the smile which flourishingly blossoms on your face endlessly fades into the wind , later leaving nothing but the weakening roots it previously used to thrive. Whenever you try life just tramples you , but you must be strong for the better ...not for me "

I tried dismissing the feeling by facing the other way but she was still feeling the same way she had felt the whole day . Probably still processing the words I had uttered. I sighed and left my room leaving Lillian all alone to ponder on my words yet now the depressing matters had risen again letting it's mass down onto my shoulders. As I walked down the always empty hallways I felt the tile under my feet emit a cold and daunting feeling into my heart. I was scared and frightened , actually praying and hoping that my future wasn't set in stone.

As I walked down the hallway I noticed that my mother and father's bedroom lights were still on , it was fairly late in the evening which didn't explain why they were up. My parents are quite early sleepers unlike the night time child I grew up to be. I silently walked over and stood mere millimeters away from the smooth light brown door that stood ahead of me. I heard muffled voices but I was able to make out all the words.

" I honestly feel so bad that Brandon has to go through this , it isn't right that he married a woman he doesn't love , especially someone as young as Lillian" a low toned voice said

" Likewise I honestly wish we had other options. I'm not all that impressed by what that lady had done , when I get my hands on her I'll make sure she never sees the light of day ever again !" My mother's voice hissed with erupting emotions of fury and rage.

Oh goodness me , why did my parents have to be such a drag and always overreacting to the third degree. What a sad and beautiful life the lord blessed me with now , isn't it ? After hearing further of their discussions a very specific set of words uttered by my father was actually interesting and I wanted to know more about this , I paid careful attention as I wanted to catch every single word and take it to heart.

" Speaking of this Lelan girl , my spies actually managed to find her. She flew out to Hawaii with a man called Tristan. He isnt much older than her possibly a two year age gap. He lives on the coast and oh man did she make a blunder by playing that move , the queen is now going to get taken by the weak yet powerful pawn " I heard a very threatening laugh eninate from the room further more emphasising the new information I had now managed to hear of.

" Hmm splended we will be making sure we get to that lady as soon as my sweet boy forgets about her , which shouldn't be long he was always one to forget a person after a while of not seeing them " my mother said challantly.

Well she was right I was never a people person , heck many of my own friends were surprised I even got married. Since they knew me as the person who found it impossible to let anyone very close to my body. I shrugged helplessly as I decided to stop evesdropping and walked off , once more leaving my parents to the privacy of their room