Bleeding Perfection

SECRETS.UNFOLDED

Kehinde’s eyes found Taiwo’s. Same eyes. Same shape, same brown, same little fold at the corner that made strangers at the market say, "Hei, ibeji! God is wonderful! Come, let me pray for you".

But today they were amused, because even if the whole world would never be able to tell that she was lying, Kehinde was the only one who knew when she was lying.

“Is that what you tell yourself, to calm you down?” Kehinde said. Flat. No drama. No "ehn ehn". Just a simple, sarcastic question that only Kehinde would ask like.

Aunty Funmi, Mum’s younger sister, sucked her teeth in the kitchen, "Tch". The sound was loud in the silence that followed. "Tch", like a verdict. "Tch", like "I told you".

Aunty Funmi had said it from the start,

"This boy doesn’t like her. You can see it in his eyes. He looks at her like she’s a file he has to sign".

Mum had slapped her hand. "Will you keep quiet! If you don't know what to say then shut up and don't upset your sister".

But Kehinde was not quiet. Not ever.

The generator chose that moment to die completely. The inverter too. The whole house exhaled into darkness.

Darkness in Gbagada wasn’t like Lekki darkness. Lekki darkness was embarrassing. Gbagada darkness was familiar. It had weight. It smelled like kerosene and sweat and Mum’s Prayer Rain candle that she lit whenever she wanted a change in the atmosphere. For five seconds, nobody moved. Taiwo heard Aunty Funmi breathing through her nose in the armchair, a whistling sound from the fat in her throat. Heard the rain start on the zinc roof of the boys’ quarters outside, small, like fingers tapping a secret code. Heard her own pulse in her neck. Thud. Thud. Thud. Like someone knocking to be let in.

And in the dark, Taiwo stopped smiling.

It wasn’t a big smile. It was the one she’d put on at 6:00am when she woke up to make her father's tea, Lipton, no sugar, one spoon of honey, the way he liked since the doctor had told him he was pre-diabetic. The one she wore when she ironed her boubou. The one she wore when she took the picture for Femi because Mum said,

"Send it to your husband, let him see you’re thinking of him". The one that made Mrs. Adeyemi say at their second meeting,

"At least she knows how to smile. Some of these girls only know how to take selfie and spend money on wigs".

In the dark, her face went slack. Her jaw unclenched for the first time in twelve hours. The muscle there ached. She hadn’t noticed. She pressed her tongue to it. It hurt. Good. Pain was data, then she thought about the rumor.

Deola, Femi’s cousin, had said it casually last week at the at the bridal shop, Mrs. Adeyemi had recommended to her. Not to Taiwo, not even to Kehinde, but to the friend she brought along with her. But Taiwo had just walked behind the curtain, holding up the ugly wedding gown Mrs. Adeyemi had called "perfect". She heard,

"Femi wants to travel abroad, maybe Canada. He said he wants to expand his company, and gain more knowledge. Maybe that's why he's delaying this wedding, I mean they have been engaged for roughly three years".

The words got to her, because it was Deola, Femi's cousin, the gossip, the one who secretly called her a witch for being too quiet, and because she never showed any of the many things going on in her head, so, instead she smiled and walked out. If it were her sister, she would turn around, a sharp retort on the tip of her tongue, ready to dish it out for Femi's cousin and the friend.

The light returned. The bulb in the parlor flickered, brown, then yellow, then that harsh white that showed every c***k in the wall, and the too many pictures her mother hung around the walls of the living room.

Taiwo’s smile returned with it. On time. Perfect. Muscle memory. The kind you build when your mother says, "Smile, Taiwo, Mrs. Adeyemi is coming", every Sunday for two years.

“He is busy, this new project has been taking much of his time” she said. Light. Sweet. The voice for Dad’s clients, for Mum’s church members, for Mrs. Adeyemi who always asked if Taiwo could cook proper Yoruba food "like we used to eat, not this indomie generation nonsense".

Kehinde watched her. Twins, Yoruba said. One soul, two bodies. If true, Kehinde got the part of the soul that felt things and showed it. The part that cried at Nigerian films and shouted when NEPA took light mid Super Story, the part that was never afraid to speak whatever was on her mind, the part that called their parents hypocrites to their faces. Taiwo got the part that kept accounts. The part that remembered who said what, when, and in what tone. The part that filed everything away in her brain, the part that never forgot.

“What do you mean, whatever keeps her calm? Are you saying that Femi is cheating? Femi is a good boy, not like alltose yahoo boys you carry around”, Mum said to Kehinde and she laughed.

"I didn't say anything and really, I don't have to. She knows the truth, we all know what we are thinking about don't we Taiwo?", she faced her now.

Her hand paused over the puff-puff. One of them had a dark spot, burned. She picked it up, broke it in half, ate the good side, dropped the burned side in the bin.

"I don't know what you are talking about".

"Oh, so you don't think Femi is cheating on you?", she questioned further.

Taiwo took a deep breath and smiled.

"Femi is just really busy".

Their mother nodded, and their aunty came over to the dining table, the gossip.

"But, Kenny could be right, what if he is cheating on her? I mean why would he not want to visit his soon to be in laws?", she asked, her fat neck bobbling around like a turkey's.

"Funmi, don't encourage this child. She is a liar. We all know Femi is a good child, and he loves Taiwo".

Kehinde scoffed, and popped one of the fried meat into her mouth. Even she had to side with her twin here. Femi did not love her, he would never love her, this was just a nice arranged marriage where they both had respect for each other.

Their mother rolled her eyes at Kenny and faced her.

"Taiwo don't take your sister seriously, you know how she is. Those things she smokes are probably in her head. She just wants to hurt your feelings, she doesn't want to protect them".

Her sister scoffed again. "And you are the one protecting her feelings? By lying to her? I am saying the truth. Femi is definitely cheating on her".

"Shut up!", their mother shouted. Their aunty sat up straight, her interest renewed. "Femi and Taiwo are perfect for each other. They are going to marry each other, he loves her and she loves him".

Taiwo herself was tempted to scoff at this point, but her sister beat her to it.

"Please, don't flatter yourself, because I know you are not trying to flatter her. She might act like she doesn't care, but she is not a fool, she knows. Femi doesn't love her. Femi is not going to marry her because he loves her, or because she is perfect, he is going to marry her because it's his duty, because our fathers shook hands, not because she is perfect or anything. Taiwo is just the stepping stone he needs to cross so he can get his full inheritance ".

Every where was quiet after that, but in Taiwo's head, it was not. Her sister's words kept playing over and over. It wasn't that she didn't know, but she didn't need it to be pointed out to her. She knew Femi didn't love her, but she was okay with not acknowledging it, it didn't bother her. But now, there was news about cheating, and that, that bothered her, but she did not show it, instead she went to get the stew from the kitchen.