My Regretful Ex Husband

04. The Funeral: Goodbye.

I stood there, watching helplessly as my husband embraced my sister so lovingly. Something he had deprived me of for our whole ten years of marriage.

My heartbeat tripled in its rate, pounding hard against my chest like it was trying to break free. It felt like I was being stabbed over and over again, and the pain wasn't going away. Instead, it was getting worse with each passing second.

I wished that there was a way I could shut it down completely. Not feeling anything at all would be a hundred times better than the pain I was feeling.

My first instinct was to turn around and run, run as fast and as far as my legs would take me. Or at least tear my eyes away from them, but neither of those things happened. Instead I stood there like I was glued to the floor beneath me, my heart breaking over and over as I watched the display of love between them.

After what felt like hours, they finally let go of each other. Liam's gaze was soft-softer than I had ever seen- as he watched her. He reached for her face and caressed it briefly before putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

Alexa's hand was raised and it cupped his hand on her face, smiling oh-so brightly at him.

For the first time in ten years, Liam looked like he was at peace. Like he had finally gotten to his destination after a long and stressful journey.

"I’ve missed you so much." Alexa said, still holding on to his hand and Liam smiled softly.

My heart ached even more as a thought popped up in my mind. If they had met each other a few years back? Would Liam have cheated on me?

I shut my eyes as the answer to the question was registered in my head.

Of course he would have, in an heartbeat. After all, it was Alexa, the love of his life. The one that got away.

Liam would sacrifice anything just to please her.

Unable to take it anymore, I backed away and ran outside, almost staggering on my way out.

It hurt. It hurt so much. My heart tightened and pounded in my chest. The pain wasn't going anywhere. Tears were streaming down my face, and no matter what I did, they wouldn't stop.

But it was my fault. Everything that was happening to me was my fault. If only I hadn't fallen for him. If only I hadn't given my heart to a man who loved another.

When he came to comfort me, he had only asked how I was doing. He didn't hold me, I would have given anything to be held by him, even if it was just once. But he was all over her. Like he always was.

I hit my chest with my fist, I had no idea what I was doing but I just wanted to do something. I felt like I wasn't getting any air in my lungs, and I was finding it difficult to breathe.

I slowly dropped down to my knees, still unable to steady my breathing, or stop the flow of tears from my eyes.

"Why won't it stop?" I asked no one in particular. "Please, make it stop." Nothing changed.

I was still on the cold floor, and the sharp, unending pain was still in my heart.

"Now you know how my sister felt when you stole him from her all those years ago."

I heard Marcus's cold remark from behind me.

Was he kidding? I wasn't expecting him to show me any form of sympathy but at least he shouldn't rub salt in my open wound.

"What did you say to me?" I asked, wiping my tears away as I rose to my feet.

"Am I not right? You selfishly stole Liam from sis Alexa ten years ago, and now that she's back, you know they'll finally be together. Isn't that the cause of your tears?"

I smiled, even though my heart was filled with sadness. "So what? You're here to mock me or tell me how I look pitiful?"

"I'm just here to give you a warning. Don't go after my sister's happiness this time around. Cause I won't just sit by and do nothing this time."

I let out a bitter laugh.

His sister, mother also said she was her daughter. They really had casted me out.

"Oh don't you worry, I have no intention of going after anyone. I'm sure my presence must be disturbing for you and your family. After I'm done paying my last respect to my father, you'll never have to see me again." I said with a sad smile on my face.

His cold expression was suddenly replaced with a confused frown. "And what is that supposed to mean?" He asked, raising a brow at me.

I had decided, if I wanted to keep my peace and my sanity, I had to let go of some things, or more specifically, some people. I was tired of always hurting. I spent the last ten years of my life crying and hurting, I was done with that.

"Tell your mother that I'll be back to help out with whatever she needs for the funeral…that is, if my help is needed. Then give my regards to your sister."

Ignoring Marcus's calls, I walked away from him, heading towards my car. I needed to shower and take a nap, probably for the rest of the day. It won't take away the pain but at least it would give me the strength to go through the next few days without breaking.

I was supposed to go back to Liam's place to pick up Daniel, but I couldn't face him, not with the way I was. I needed to get my mask back together before seeing him. Then I didn't think I had the strength to face my ex mother in law -another person that hated me deeply- so I decided that I would get him the next day.

***

After entering my apartment, I collapsed on the sofa, staring at nothing. I felt like I was the only one left in the world. There was no one I could talk to, no one I could share my pain with…no one that would love me.

I was painfully and utterly alone.

Countless times I had told myself that I was done crying, over my ex husband who never loved me. Over my family who never accepted me, and yet, the tears just wouldn't stop falling.

I curled up on the sofa-shoes on and all- and cried myself to sleep.

If only.

If only time travel was possible, I'd go back and change everything.

Who knows? Maybe I would have ended up with a man who actually loved me.

Who knew if such a man actually did exist?....

***

The news of father's passing spread quickly among friends and family, and in just three days, everyone was already aware.

My father had many friends and he was loved in his office, so a lot of people were affected by his passing.

Liam had tried reaching me a couple of times since that day but I didn't pick up. I didn't want to hear from or see him, especially since he was probably back together with Alexa. There was no way I could deal with that. Just thinking about it broke my heart, so I couldn't bear to see it.

"Mom?"

I heard Daniel from behind me. Turning to face him, I was shocked to see that he had been crying.

"What is it dear? Is something wrong?"

"I-I miss grandpa." He blurted out, throwing his arms around me. "He promised to take me out this weekend."

I hugged him firmly, patting his back gently to sooth him.

My fathwr was a terrible man to me, but he was an amazing grandfather to Daniel. He showered him with the love and affection that I never received while growing up.

"I know you miss him money, but there's nothing we can do about it. Remember what your father said to you? There are some things in our lives that we can't control, or change.

Even I miss him but he's gone now."

My words seemed to help him calm down because he stopped crying, but he still didn't let go.

"Listen Danny, don't think of it as he's gone. Hmm? Just think of it as a promotion. Grandpa was promoted from a human to an angel, so now he gets to watch over you everyday from above."

For a five year old, Daniel was a sensitive and emotional child, so I always tried to make him happy.

"He's still in our hearts right?" He asked, still sniffling.

"Yes. And he's never going to leave us. So, instead of crying, why don't we treasure all the good memories we had with grandpa? Hmm?" He nodded and I smiled. "That's a good boy."

I got back up and zipped up my dress. I helped Daniel button his shirt and put on his shoes.

"Now what do you say we give grandpa a proper send off?" I asked and he nodded firmly.

Picking up my bag from the dining table, we were on our way out.

It was time to say goodbye…to everything.