Shadows of Obsession

Late

The next day, something happened. When Lauren went out, he left some money in the shoe cabinet next to the takeout order. He wanted Ella to order something to eat when she was hungry, but as soon as he closed the door, Ella took the money and ran out in slippers.

Across from her, people were playing a shooting game. Ella wandered over, watched them for a while, then mimicked them by inserting a few coins into the machine, pulling out the heavy simulation gun, shooting, reloading, shooting again, reloading. When the bullets ran out, a shake would refill the magazine.

After indulging herself, Ella took the bus back the way she came. Upon arrival, she didn’t wait for the sightseeing bus but saw a row of bicycles parked by the roadside. She circled around them and found a few with old-style locks on the back wheel. Pretending to tie her shoelaces, she squatted down, smashed one open with a brick, and rode up the hillside.

Entering the sanatorium, there was a steep downhill slope lined with tall and straight ginkgo trees, their leaves rustling as they fell.

Sweating all over, Ella rode happily. Seeing the slope, she let go of the handlebars and pedals, closed her eyes, and sped down, the wind whistling past her ears.

A car horn blared at the wrong moment. Ella opened her eyes and cursed, yanking the handlebars to the side. The turn wasn't sharp enough, but luckily someone yanked her hard from the side. They both fell to the ground as the car scraped past her shoes. Looking closely, it was Lauren.

His palms were sweaty, his grip like an iron clamp, trembling slightly.

He held on too tight, almost making it hard to breathe.

Ella was blinded by the bright car lights, realizing that when one is on the verge of death, past events might not replay in their mind. For her, her mind was blank, too late to think of anything, only feeling a deep sorrow.

Living a life of wandering, being blown wherever the wind took her, even with all her efforts, it was like drawing water with a bamboo basket, the more she struggled, the more futile it felt. Her chest tightened with emotion, almost making her want to cry out loud.

Ella remained in Lauren's embrace for a long time, slowly catching her breath, quietly resting her forehead on Lauren's shoulder.

Lauren was drenched in sweat. After a while, he pushed Ella, but Ella clung on, limp and unmoving.

Lauren got a bit angry. "Where have you been all day? Get up and talk!" Ella's head was pushed back, almost dizzy, but she propped herself up and stood. Lauren followed, her iron-gray suit now dirty, speckled with small leaves. That clean scent of Lauren's, from that earlier hug, had filled Ella's nose, making her eyes sting. "I went outside, to the game room. So many new things, I’ve never seen before." "How old are you!" Lauren almost shouted, nearly hysterical. He had never lost his composure like this before. Only when passersby walked by did he regain her senses, pulling Ella's wrist, half dragging, half tugging her back.

Ella accommodated her, a smile lingering at the corners of her mouth, her face cheeky, occasionally saying, "You're hurting me."

Seeing that smile, Lauren was stunned for a moment before letting go and straightening his clothes.

Ella walked into the house with her shoes on, found a tissue on the coffee table, and looked at he with a grin. "Here, look at you all sweaty. Wipe it off." Lauren's face grew darker and more sullen, and after a while, he said, "No need." Ella looked at he and smiled, "You can't bear to let me go."

Hearing Lauren's cold snort, Ella's smile only grew wider.

"Do you remember that car accident?" she said, glancing sideways at Lauren's expression. Lauren glared at her intensely, seeming somewhat frightened as well.

Ella laughed while touching her short hair. The memory was a bit blurry, but she still couldn't forget it.

"I was clearly walking on the sidewalk that day, following all the rules, and it was that car that chased me down. My hands were covered in blood, and all I could think about was Lauren, I couldn't bear to leave Lauren." Her voice grew softer and more indistinct as she finished the sentence.

Ella took a few steps toward Lauren, looking intently at his face, her eyes a stark contrast of black and white, like two wooden doors thrown open, flooding the space with the first glimpse of light.

Ella softly said, "I know you haven't forgotten me, and I didn't die. We, we..." Her voice trembled like plucking a string, each pluck making the string quiver thrice, the tremor starting from her heart. Lauren stood there stiffly, closing his eyes tightly before opening them again. The thick curtains hung heavily, layer upon layer, and the European chandelier remained unlit, a heavy fixture suspended above, always a danger of falling.

Seeing Lauren remain silent for so long, the smile that Ella had forced on her face finally faltered. After all, who can be certain? Where is the scale to measure true feelings, to guarantee they don't lose weight over time?

Lauren stood quietly for a moment.

"Ella..." He seemed unsure of what to say next, first sighing deeply before slowly squeezing out the remaining words, "It's too late to say it now."

When the weather was nice, Ella would take Lauren up the mountain. Usually, a few others would tag along, and they’d all have a picnic together. They’d each bring their own charcoal, pots, and things to grill from home.

Sometimes, it was just the two of them. Lauren had a camera at home, so they’d bring a few rolls of film and wander around the mountains.

Ella would hang the camera around her neck and take pictures wherever they went. She pointed the lens at Lauren, with a bunch of mountain flowers behind her. "Lauren, smile," Ella would say. Lauren tried to smile, but it never quite worked.

"Say, 'cheese'."

Lauren said, "Cheese."

The flash went off.

Ella peeked out from behind the camera, grinning widely. "Hey, you can smile." She squatted down and pulled out a handful of foxtail grass. "Lauren, next time we’ll find someone who can take pictures to get a photo of us together." "Okay."

They fiddled with the camera until the last shot was taken. The long winding sound of rewinding the film played, and their heads were close together. They didn’t head back until it was nearly dark. The mountain paths were numerous and slippery; Ella held Lauren’s hand tightly.

One said, "I know the way."

The other shook her head and said, "I’m afraid of losing you."

Ella burst out laughing, stuck her hands in her pockets, and walked around the living room a few times. She had forgotten to take off her shoes, leaving prints on the floor. Her short hair bristled, and the back of her head looked slightly green. She kept smiling and wandering aimlessly for a long time before saying, "Lauren, aren’t you afraid you said it too soon?" They both stared at different corners of the room, and when their eyes met occasionally, they would nonchalantly look away.

Lauren closed the balcony door with a flick of her hand, brushed her hair off her forehead, and walked past Ella, looking utterly exhausted.

Ella suddenly reached out and loosely hooked her arm around Lauren’s neck from behind, like a buddy hanging on her back. She whispered, "I’m sticking to you, bothering you, making you angry, because I can’t bear to let you go like a page on a calendar, turning to a new one. I still like you, so I won’t do anything I’ll regret.

"But Lauren, if one day I don’t care about you anymore, you’ll be nothing." Lauren was taller and broader than Ella, so it was a bit difficult to hold her like that.

Lauren trembled slightly, perhaps out of anger, and suddenly flung Ella off her back. She clenched her fists tightly, then loosened them slightly, only to grip them even tighter before striding up the stairs.

Ella shouted after her, "I don’t have your patience. I can’t compare to you, you know that! If you miss this chance, there really won’t be another one in this lifetime..." She gasped for breath, her voice turning into a wheeze. Her insides felt like they were heaving.

"Don’t miss it," she called out, her desperate wish spilling out like water from a faucet, overflowing everywhere.