Reflections

Chapter9:How it almost...

My relationship with Mr Right had all the qualities it could have to form a successful marriage someday. Constant communication, dedication, love. Everything. It was like having all the materials to build a beautiful house, then build it in a valley where the water flows after rain. I didn’t love what I was turning myself into. Loving this man. What was wrong with just being with Mr Wrong if I had loved him that much? What was it about Mr Right that he just wasn’t? That I couldn’t encourage him to be, instead of just letting the wrong guy in. Who was even wrong between them?

As I reminisce today about all this, it dawns on me, it has been sunny here for too long. It has been time since I last saw rain. I find myself getting some fresh air. I have been indoors half the day. The sun is still hot, you would swear we are in hell right now. Due to the lack of humidity, the air has been dry, and the crops are drying and, as I continue, so will my relationship.

Summer came. I was home again for recess. Far away from Mr Right. About three months into my relationship with him. A few days passed by, and I guess Mr Wrong got tired of waiting for me to call off our break that he took the initiative. He asked for us to meet up. I was supposed to be upset with him, but he was upset with me. He took a moment to look through my phone and found out everything. I couldn’t hide all the messages I had sent to Mr Right. I didn’t even have time to delete them. I felt so busted. I suddenly mustered the courage to tell him I didn’t want to be with him anymore.

Now you would think normal people would just call it quits there and then, but Mr Wrong and I didn’t end there. I threw some tears here and there, and he said we could work through it. I was just worried about losing my other relationship with Mr Right, after he contacted Mr Right and they talked. I never found out what they really talked about. I just heard two different versions of how that conversation went and, unfortunately, I didn’t know who among them was telling the truth. Maybe they were both lying, and I was the fool Yoh.

I really did not want to lose Mr Right, but I also couldn’t control how I felt about Mr Wrong. I loved him. He knew me. He had seen me at my best and handled me at my worst. Despite his other flaws that outranked his best qualities, he forgave my betrayal, but why?

I was never in peace. Nobody forgives betrayal so fast unless they feel guilty about something they have done behind your back, so it evens out. Or was it because he loved me too much not to let the other guy have me.