17.
1709 Words
CHAPTER 17
RINI POV
Warm. Comfortable. Safe.
Three things I didn’t usually wake up to feeling. Actually, feeling all three at once? Can’t remember when I actually felt that way.
Another thing I never felt? A warm body behind me, snuggled close with an arm around my waist.
I was scared to open my eyes and wake up from what was clearly a dream because in what reality would there be someone in bed with me… snuggling?!
“You’re thinking so loud,” a sleep roughened voice murmured by my ear. “Some of us were up 3 hourly last night and need some rest.”
Oh my god. Oh. my. god. OH MY GOD!
What the hell was Rafe doing in my bed and what was he talking about?
I tried to scoot away from him but with how tightly he was holding me I just ended up weirdly grinding against him.
“Baby girl, please,” he groaned. “I’m too tired to fight your allure today.”
My allure? Baby girl?!
Jesus, this was some dream. Well, no guarantee I would ever fall back into this dream again so may as well make the most of it before the harsh light of reality woke me up.
I managed to manoeuvre myself so I was facing him, though I still kept my eyes closed.
“Why are you here, Rafe?” I whisper.
I felt him stiffen. “How do you know it’s Rafe? You haven’t even opened your eyes.”
“I don’t need to,” I replied simply. “I would know you anywhere.”
“My own parents don’t know who I am most days,” he muttered, seemingly to himself.
“That’s because they don’t know you,” I replied. “You and Ralph play your little psycho twin games but you’re two people to me, you always have been.”
He didn’t reply and I think I might have actually made him speechless for once. Definitely a dream if Rafe didn’t have some cheeky reply.
“Why are you here?” I repeated.
“I had to make sure I stayed on top of your pain,” he replied gruffly and then added in almost a whisper. “And I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”
I laughed then. “I’m always alone Rafe, if it weren’t for some vague memories of who I think are my parents, I would be convinced that I have always been alone.”
A scent filled the air and for some reason I equated it to guilt. How weird was this dream that I could actually scent emotions in it?
“How are you feeling?” He asked, strong hands stroking my forehead softly.
My automatic reaction would be to say I’m fine but since this was just a dream I paused and actually took stock.
“My feet are a little tender,” I admitted. “And I feel really drained, but apart from that not too bad.”
“Your head is ok?” He demanded softly.
I smiled a little then. “My head is giving me all sorts of gifts but no pain.”
“Listen, we should probably talk about what’s going to happen going forward,” he began but I put my hand over his mouth.
Weird that it felt so real. How incredible is the mind?
The thing is, if this was a dream then I didn’t want to hear his serious tone and what he wanted to say with it, I didn’t want to talk about my injuries and I didn’t want to waste it with mundane things.
No, this was a dream, it was my dream and I wanted to be in control in a way I never ever was in reality.
“It’s criminal how soft your lips are for a mouth so harsh,” I tell him, tracing said lips with my pointer finger.
“Rini,” he said in protest but I shushed him.
“I don’t think you’ve ever said my actual name to me before, did you know that? It’s always Rabbit or little human or rodent. I really liked when you called me baby girl though, or was that just in my head too?”
“Rini-“
This time I cut him off by pressing my lips to his and holy s**t the stars I saw behind my eyelids as soon as I did.
“Baby girl, I think-“
“No thinking,” I told him and then pressed my lips against his again, one hand sliding into his hair and the other grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer.
A little mewl left my mouth involuntarily and whatever protests Dream Rafe had, were snapped along with his control.
Instead of trying to pull away he moved so he was on top of me, caging me under his body and deepening the kiss, his tongue coming out to trace my bottom lip before invading my mouth.
My whole body felt on fire, like I was burning up and at risk of combusting from the inside out. I didn’t care. If this dream was all I would ever get in terms of intimacy in my life then I would burn burn burn.
“God I’ve wanted this for so long,” he murmured once he pulled away and began kissing across my cheek and down my neck.
“You don’t know how beautiful you are.”
“Rafe,” I moaned, feeling the heat move between my legs and moving in discomfort. “I need…”
I didn’t actually know what I needed, I had zero experience in any of this and didn’t fully understand why I was feeling this way.
“I know what you need baby girl,” he growled and his rough hands moved down my stomach and traced the top of my panties.
Oh god that felt good… it felt too good. This really was a dream right? There was no way Rafe would actually be in bed with me doing these things… right?
It seemed impossible, but then this also felt way too real to be a dream.
What do I do? Do I open my eyes and risk this all going away or keep them closed but remain at a distance when I just want to be as close and present as possible?
“Rafe,” I murmur. “Are you real?”
He stopped his lazy exploration of my panties at once and then I felt a palm cupping my cheek.
“Why do you ask?” He asked and there was a slyness to it. “Dream of me often, do you?”
“I don’t think my imagination could ever be this good but then I don’t see a world in which you ever touch me like this without it being a prank.”
He cursed under his breath then and pressed a gentle kiss to my nose.
“Open your eyes baby girl. Look at me and see how real I am.”
I clenched then closed tighter. “I don’t want you to go away, I shouldn’t have said anything, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t real, I just want this for however long my mind lets me have it.”
“Little Rabbit you’re killing me here,” he groaned. “Open your eyes baby girl, I’m right here.”
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Now that I had felt this - real or not - I couldn’t bear to go back to the isolation and loneliness. No, let me keep this fantasy a little longer.
Lips pressed against my left eyes, and then my right. Soft, loving little kisses that were coaxing.
“Let me see those ocean eyes,” he coaxed. “Look at me Rini and see how real I am.”
I didn’t want to. I really didn’t want to, but it was becoming clear that nothing further would happen unless I did and it was a risk I was willing to take.
Slowly I opened my eyes. The room was still dark but that didn’t mean anything, living in the basement with no windows meant that any light in here came from the singular, old light bulb at the entrance.
I let my eyes adjust for a few seconds and then his face came into view. Beautiful, god so beautiful and looking at me with an openness I had never seen before.
“Are you real?” I repeated, hesitantly cupping his cheek.
“Are you?” He asked, breath ragged.
“I don’t know what I am,” I admitted.
I swear to god I heard him mutter ‘mine’ but it was so faint I would never be sure.
“You scared me last night,” he admitted. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
I looked to my side to see my makeshift bedside table littered with various tubes, pills and syringes.
What the?
“Did you do all this?” I whispered.
“I didn’t want you to wake up alone, in pain.” He said.
I thought back to what he said before and my eyes widened. “Did you give this to me 3 hourly since last night?”
He gave one nod, the smallest admission which felt huge to me. I couldn’t remember being cared for, had always had to suffer through illness and pain by myself whilst still looking after the house.
I didn’t know what to do with the knowledge that Rafe had sacrificed sleep to ensure I was cared for.
Suddenly I felt hot tears prick my eyes.
“I wish you hadn’t,” I told him, as tears began to spill out of my eyes. “I wish you had left me alone so I didn’t have to go back to my reality knowing how different it could be.”
That guilt scent filled the air again mixed with what I think was anger and determination.
“Things will be different,” he told me firmly. “It’s going to be different now.”
I believed that he believed that, but almost a lifetime of neglect meant I knew better.
- Writer
