Lost

FOUR

It’s 7 o’clock when I re-check my email. I work up by 6 AM and make myself coffee before anyone else steps inside the kitchen. I know my mother can meet me in my room but this place feels safe. I also enrolled in a Digital Marketing course and decided to attend my class. First module was Blogging and Web Analytics, and after completing my class I noticed it was 8.30 AM. It is only two hours after which Dad will leave for work leaving me and Mom alone. I know I cannot run away from her for very long. I live with her and sooner or later she will confront me. I know what her questions will be and I also know that answers to practical questions are easy. But her emotional attack is something I am scared of.

When I decided to study arts, I had to face constant taunts, insults and sarcasm till I scored 8.2 GPA out of 10. Still, I am average but at least that made my career acceptable. I did face insults but then it was more about body and Poppy’s placement in a reputed firm. I know all of that will be repeated till I land a job and prove myself right. It’s difficult but I need to take control of my life. Money, as materialistic as it sounds, is one of the most important aspects of one’s life. That’s something my Mom taught me and needless to say she is right. I planned on doing a Masters but my current circumstances make it difficult. If anything, I wish I can live with zero nagging and be peaceful.

After a while, I decided to have my breakfast. It’s still 9 AM and I think she won’t confront me till 10:30 . But I spoke too soon. At the dining table, I see my parents having breakfast and I serve myself breakfast on a plate.

“You are early, Dad.”

“Yes, I need to see my boss and meet a new client. Rest of the day is completely packed, so I need to go early.” I nodded as he continued to eat his breakfast. After twenty minutes, he finished and left the table. I could feel my mother’s gaze on me and I knew what was about to come. After I finished, I decided to head out to my room to complete my assignments.

While in the middle of the assignment, I saw my mother entering my room. She sat and started,” I heard from your father that refuse to work in his firm.”

“Yes” I said nervously while keeping my eyes on my laptop.

“I want to ask you something. The job that you are looking forward to, how much does that pay?”

“Starts somewhere around $12000 per year for freelancers and $25000 per year if I am working in a company.”

“You father makes $1,80,000 per year and more. Can you do the maths or should I do one for you?”

“Even Dad started as low as $38,000. I can support myself. Also, I am trying to work and improve.”

“Don’t be delusional Naila, you have zero prospects of growth in your field. The best you will do is work for a few years and get married to some rich guy and slack off. All this confidence will disappear once your father stops paying your bills. Tell me, it has been three years since you left high school. How much did you make in these three years? If anything, you are increasing debt on us.”

“Debt? My education is debt to you.” f**k this s**t. I absolutely hate when someone tries to diminish my efforts. Living in a patriarchal society, I always took my career seriously. This was my way to tell others that I am just as good as any man. I can take her insults on my body and my anti-social behaviour, but this is unacceptable. “And FYI, I didn’t take any side work as Dad didn’t think that I should study and work.”

My father was always clear on one policy: I will pay all your expenses, if you prove yourself worthy. My father often supported his interns if they had money problems for studying further. We had a clear conversation in my first year where he warned me that  he will not pay for next year if I slack off. I worked diligently just to prove that my bachelors was no joke.

“You and your excuses. Of course he will say yes, he is your father. But as a daughter you have clearly disappointed him. Do I need to spell it to you that you need to earn and take care of yourself.”

“If this was such a big issue, why did you wait for this long? Why didn’t you tell me the very first day? Oh wait, I know. You were too busy to convince me to study law when I clearly said NO!”

“You are my daughter, everything you do affects me. What you eat, how you dress, who you meet, everything! I will dictate your life and you will listen to me. You are living off my expenses, my house and using all facilities that I provide. I was gentle with you at first but clearly you have turned into spoiled brat. Tell me, who gave you this morale to speak? Was it Jenny? I knew she was bad enough to spoil you. What’s next, will you also run away with a woman?”

Not this again. Ever since Jenny’s wedding she blames everything on her and her homosexuality. Like why? Yes, she gave me confidence and yes, she encouraged me to pursue my dreams. Does that make her bad?

“No, I will not run away with anyone because I am not a coward. Also, whoever I chose to marry has nothing to do with your orthodox belief. And you don’t own me. You are not the one who pays my bill or takes care of my expenses. It’s my father. Also, I won’t suck up the money off you after I get a job. Provided I will pay you back every single penny you spent on me. Also, how much I earn will not make me worse. People can live in one BHK or dorm. I can save and not spend on luxury.”

And before I realise, she is in tears.