The Undecided Love

"IS THAT WHY I FELT SOFT INSIDE?"

ANDREW’S POV

As I watched Junior lead Dee away to tell her the most embarrassing story of my life and probably add more to the story than it already is, I couldn’t help but blush about how it even came to be. I knew Dee was going to gush and rant about it because, as well as Junior, she’s very supportive, so I wasn’t a tad worried.

How did it start?

Well, when Junior and I resumed our first year on campus, that’s when I met him. Ife. The most handsome guy in my class that had girls swooning and every guy's envy.

It was particularly during our fresher’s party that I first bumped into him. He was contesting for the face of the department, but I wasn’t paying attention to the contest to even notice him. It was after the winners were announced and crowned before a fight broke out that I had a conversation with him.

Another department wanted to use the same hall but we had already booked and paid for the event hall, so it caused an argument between the two officials of both departments, making them have a go at each other. A huge fight broke out and I knew both fighters so I wanted to settle what was going on but he grabbed me.

Ife grabbed me.

He implied I would get hurt if I got in between the two men, so he dragged me outside and far away from the hall, suggesting we needed fresh air and a drink. I didn’t realize he was breath-taking up close and my heart was racing really fast, but I kept my cool and suggested we walk to the restaurant he discovered a while back to get light food and drinks.

“I’m Ife, by the way,” he said when we got there and ordered what we wanted.

“Andrew, but my friends call me Drew.”

“So you in International Relations or…?”

I laughed, “Yes I am.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I haven’t seen you around. Did you come during fresher’s week?”

“Nope, I stayed home and just chilled with my friends.”

“Oh, that’s probably why I don’t know your face.” He smiled and I looked down because his smile was amazing and would make me drool. I don’t want him to know that I’m slightly attracted to him. That might probably scare him away and maybe never talk to me again.

After that night, we didn’t see each other or even text each other. Not like we could, we didn’t exchange numbers at all, so I don’t know why I was bothered about that. Even when we bumped into each other in class, it was just ‘hello’s and ‘how are you’s that were exchanged. We have small chats once in a while. He was funny, I would give him that, but I didn’t show emotions. I just acted like a regular person. Why? He had too many people attracted to him and many people around him and I didn’t want any drama in my first semester in university so I made a decision, to stay away from him. After all, I’m not his type, he definitely won't be gay.

It was better this way.

Ife and I didn’t talk throughout the second semester, not like I was affected because I’d made a lot of friends, but I was seeing him every day. It’s hard to forget your crush when you’re seeing them every day. I’d try my best to ignore his existence but it was hard when everyone was talking about him and the girl he was dating.

She was beautiful, I’d admit. They both fit each other as they were both attractive, but I was very jealous. I had a natural hate towards the girl even though she was nice to me, just because she was dating the guy I like. I wished they’d break up and I’d be the one to swoop in and mend his broken heart but, it was bad to wish something like that for them.

But it happened.

It was the break before our second year began when he sent me a message on w******p. I was surprised and left the message unread for two days. I was panicking and that’s when I made the grave error of telling Junior.

He was hurt at first that I kept Ife away from him for a whole year, but he helped me to calm down and gave me a few pointers.

That night, I replied to him and we got talking. I found out that he got my number from our class group page and he needed someone to talk to about his break-up. We moved from his break up to knowing each other and other things till it was late at night and I told him I needed to sleep because I was taking Dee out later in the day and he didn’t mind.

You could say we were besties after that. We were always together, it was like what people said, ‘wherever you see Ife, you'll see Andrew.’ You’d find us in the school library or flirting with girls or doing what guys do. He also got to meet Junior, but Junior behaved himself and didn’t rat me away.

At one point, our closeness seemed gay and I’d make jokes about it and would tease him if he liked me and we’d guffaw over the issue. Deep down it ached, but what could I do? We had other gay guys in school, but I already had a reputation I had to uphold. No one knew my secret and I couldn't risk homophobic slander.

But it couldn’t be a secret any longer to Ife as one day, when Junior, Ife and I went out for drinks, Junior got drunk and exposed me. After realizing what he’d done, he muttered an apology, blaming the drinks he had and stood up to go to the bathroom, leaving me alone to the awkwardness he created.

I couldn’t even look at Ife as I downed the glass I poured for myself. It was way too quiet and I made a mental note to kill my best friend later after we left, then I decided to look at Ife. He was lost in his thoughts and looked so serious I dreaded the word he’d say next.

“Is that why I felt soft inside?” he said immediately, and I turned to look at him again, confused by his statement.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” I swallowed thickly.

“I was getting attracted to you and I was afraid of whatever feelings I was having because it’s all new. I know I got these things when I was with girls, so I was afraid I was gay, or bisexual.” He finished off.

It was taking Junior a long time to come back from the bathroom and I figured he wanted me to face this battle alone. “Being attracted to a guy isn’t something to be afraid of, you know?”

“Do you really like me?” I sighed, if he wanted to know, it was now or never.

“Dude, I have for a long time.” I rested my arms on the table and yawned, “I just don’t show feelings to people.”

“That’s why I didn’t understand you.”

“You don’t have to reciprocate them if you don’t want to,” I suddenly exclaimed. The idea of him trying to love me because I confessed wasn't sitting right within me. If he wanted to like me, it had to be on his own accord, not silently coerced into it because of my confession.

“I do. You’re an amazing person Drew, it’s just that it is new to me. I don’t know what to do.” He waved his hands and I laughed, suddenly feeling at ease.

“Well, it’s good you’re with me then. I’ll be with you at every step of the way.” I smiled at him, making him smile back.

Getting out of my memory lane, I could hear that Junior had already gotten to the bar part and him drunkenly exposing my ass because Dee was screaming silently. I could tell because she had her mouth open wide and she gripped his sleeve like she was giving birth.

“When I came back from my hiding spot, he was like ‘are you gay too?’ and I was like hell no.” he laughed while she was fanning her face. I laughed at her and told her to breathe while she shook her head.

“God, I never thought I’d see this day.” She slightly bounced on her seat and Junior held her by the shoulders and patted her while she kept on rambling about how her best friend had found love.

“You’re already overreacting Dee, calm down before you die from lack of oxygen. I can tell you’re not even breathing.” I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my beer.

“I’m even meant to be mad at you. You kept this from me for two years, Drew. Two f*****g years. But y’all were mad about Ovie and I.” She growled at me.

“Well. When it comes to relationships, I guess it is always hard to tell our friends.” I smiled and Junior laughed at both of us for having a relationship drama.

“When are you going to be done with your shift, Dee? I’m tired already.” Junior yawned and I checked the time. It was close to 1am already.

“In ten minutes’ time. I’d just have to clear the tables and lock them up.” She looked at the wall clock and gathered the empty bottles at our table. We didn’t have to wait long as it became 1 o’clock quickly and we got into Junior’s car after she turned off the lights and locked up.

When we got to her home, she went straight to her lover’s room and we could hear small whispers coming from there. I wanted to go over and peek but Junior grabbed my shoulder and we went into her room to wait for her.

She came back shortly but she wasn’t alone as the Ovie guy was behind her and they were holding hands. The protective side of me sprang to life and I sat upright and crossed my arms and tried my hardest to look intimidating. Junior obviously was good at it as he glared hard at their hands and Ovie slowly let go.

“Come on guys, you already know about us.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hands again. She proceeded to introduce us to the guy and Junior eased up and they did a bro handshake.

“So you guys are a thing?” Junior asked them and I coughed because we both knew that they weren’t and that’s what she was panicking about this afternoon. She didn’t waste time glaring at him and turned to tell Ovie that Junior wasn’t feeling well and they’d see in the morning. After kissing him good night on the cheek, which he found uncomfortable because we were in the room, he left and she pounced on Junior and gave him multiple slaps on his shoulder.

“What the f**k were you trying to do?” she whispered-yelled at him and I tried to hold my laughter.

“Damn woman, I was trying to help you.” He tried to stop her but she wouldn’t give up.

“And how is that helping, you big for nothing fool?”

“At least he'll think about what he wants you guys to be.” He managed to get hold of her hands and threw her off him. I was still trying to hold my laughter and I wiped a tear that had escaped my eye.

She sat on the edge and breathed out heavily, “You better pray to God it works or you won’t have something you’d use to f**k a girl.”