The Undecided Love

"FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THEN"

Arguments. They always happen in relationships, no matter how well it has been going.

Mine and Ovie weren’t any exception, even though we weren’t technically dating, but we couldn’t help but have numerous arguments like every other teenage relationship.

In the span of the time we’ve spent together, we’ve had stupid fights ranging from either food or tidying up or jealousy and many others. And each time those arguments started, one of us always ended up hurt either by the words the other said or the way we ended things.

It was annoying because the one who always ended up hurt was me and it made me question whether he was tired of me or I was just an over-dramatic person. I’m not the one to get hurt over mere words, but there’s the way he makes it seem like he threw a bomb at me. And the way he acts cold after makes it sting the more.

Maybe it’s because I love him.

Christmas was 3 days away and the normal ritual in Junior’s household was to throw Christmas parties; one before Christmas and one after Christmas. There’s also a New Year’s party but we don’t really attend that.

My workplace had closed because of the holidays, which I found funny because that’s when it’s meant to be in full bloom, but Mr.Ejiofor wanted to spend time with his family, so we didn’t question his judgement. On a plus side, I could rest because I’ve been really busy these past few months and I could spend time with my friends and eat a lot of food because I had lost a lot of weight.

Ovie had gone home for the holidays but we chatted regularly and I do miss his presence, but who was I to keep him from spending time with his family? Even Grey had gone home too, so the house was sort of empty if not for the daily visits from Andrew and Junior.

“So what time should we go to the party?” Junior asked from his position on my couch and I sighed.

“Oh your party. I totally forgot to ask Ovie to come with me.” I stretched and propped my leg on Andrew’s lap. I was so damn tired from sleeping all day.

“Let’s try at 8pm. I don’t like attending s**t early.”

“You forgot your own party starts at 7?”

“Let’s go at 9:30 then. Not too early and not too late.” I voiced out and they both nodded. I grabbed my phone to send Ovie a quick message about the party and causally waited for his reply.

“I’m so glad I made these braids the other day. Now I can slay and still look casual at the same time.” I grinned happily.

“You wearing a dress?” Andrew sat up with surprise all over his face.

“Hell no b***h, I already have the outfit I’m wearing.” I flipped my hair.

“Lemme guess, a shirt and joggers again.” Junior laughed at me and I pouted.

“Why do you always make me feel like crap?” I huffed at him. “And no, it isn’t joggers this time.”

“Enlighten us about your outfit then.” Andrew pried and I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I have these big jeans I just got and I felt like they would go well with a big shirt tucked into it. Also, I bought these nice sneakers and cool glasses.” I said in a rush while I was awaiting their reaction.

“Well, it sounds like that singer’s style. What is her name again?” Andrew pondered.

“Teni.”

“Ah yes, that big lady. I bet it would look nice on you too.” He said and I smiled. I do have an eye for fashion, even though my clothes seem boyish and that is a skill not everyone has.

“Aren’t you going to invite your boyfriend too?” I asked Andrew when I saw that he was chatting away with Ife on his phone and he smiled.

“I already did. By the way, what did your lover boy say?” He eyed my phone and my eyes widened. Ovie had sent a reply but I hadn’t checked because I was busy showing them the clothes I had prepared for the party. I dived for it in excitement, but reading the contents made my heart drop.

“Sorry babe, parties aren’t my scene.”

There was an awkward silence in the room. The guys were trying to figure out what words to say to me but I just shrugged. If he doesn’t like parties, there’s no need to force him to come to one.

“Let’s get ready then.” Junior clapped his hands and pushed me in the direction of the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, this is new. I wonder who these ones are?” I yelled above the loud music at Andrew and Junior. The party was more crowded than previous years and I couldn’t help but notice a few faces that was totally not stored in my memory.

“Yeah, some of my classmates and Drew’s are here. I figured it would be a great hangout for us all.” Junior shouted back. For real, this music was really loud. How are his parents okay with it?

“And I can see my boyfriend right over there. I'll be right back guys.” Drew scurried off to meet his lover and Junior walked off in the opposite direction to meet a girl, a great way to remind me that I’m lonely because Ovie didn’t come to the party.

“And I’ll be at the drinks table.” I said to myself and walked off to get some shots. First, Ovie bailed on me and now, Andrew and Junior are going to be so occupied that night. I looked around and my eyes met a guy’s. I quickly looked away and tried to focus on the music that was blasting from the speakers.

As I left the drinks table with my cups, two guys started to have a go at each other and one of them bumped into me, making my drinks spill. Thankfully, it didn’t spill on my clothes, but I was still pissed that my ration was shortened and with that anger, I grabbed the culprit by the collar and faced the other guy.

“I don’t want to know who the f**k both of you are and what the argument is about but you just spilled my drink with your act of childishness.” I asked, “Now, it’s either you behave or I’d kick both of you out pronto, so which is it?”

“And what is a lady like you doing in our business?”

“Wrong answer.” I kicked the other guy in the crotch and he doubled over. I looked at the guy whose collar I was holding and asked him if he wanted the same or if he’d take his friend and get out and he chose my second option.

As I watched them leave, I cursed for not asking them to replace my drinks and walked back to the table to get more and fished out my phone to text Ovie. To be honest, I really wanted him here and I miss him now, but I can’t change his mind.

Just at that moment, 'Goosebumps' decided to come on and the random stranger I once locked eyes with decided to approach me. I wasn’t really in the mood for any guy to come and start flirting with me because that s**t annoys the hell out of me.

Maybe he wanted to ask for a dance since the stupid DJ decided to set a mood.

“So I saw you dealing with those guys then. I wanted to step in but it seemed you had it under control.” He said, and I turned to look at him. I had my resting b***h face on and was ready to tell him off if he made any wrong move.

“Yeah, living with guys and having male friends can be of a lot of help.”

“Really? The way you dress even shows you’re not that feminine.”

“Is that an insult?” I eyed him, ready to pounce at the next words he’d say.

“No, it’s a compliment. I love girls like you.”

“Meaning?”

He laughed, “That isn’t all fake and all that about their feelings. You’re good, but at the same time, you ain’t afraid to show your bad side.”

I scanned his face, “Who invited you here? Drew or Junior?”

“Don’t know who Drew is, but I’m here with Junior.” He looked around and pointed to Junior who was making out with a girl against the wall. “And that girl is my sister.”

“Please don’t tell me they’re dating.”

“I can't really say. He’s been trying to ask her out since last year but it’s been three months that they’ve been hanging out, so I don't know their current status."

“The f**k! I’m his best friend and he hasn’t told me anything.” I fumed. Okay, the guys and I really need to stop keeping this secret from each other.

“Tell your sister that she doesn’t have my approval.”

“Why? She didn’t do anything to you, or are you that bitchy best friend that’s protective of others?”

I rolled my eyes, “First of all, we’re protective of each other and secondly, I don’t want any girl hurting my best friend.”

“Well, I don’t need any guy hurting my sister either.” We looked at each other and laughed. “Guess we'll be seeing each other more often.”

The rest of the evening went by alright with Andrew and his boyfriend stopping by a few times and Junior later introducing me to the mysterious girl. He revealed that he didn’t want to introduce her or talk about it until he was certain they liked each other. He ended up asking Eniola out that evening and she accepted, so that makes me the only one in a situation-ship.

Even Kola, the stranger whose name I ended up asking for, was great company. We had a lot to drink and we spent our time together laughing at jokes and saying other sorts of nonsense. He had a girlfriend, so he wasn’t trying to flirt with me that time, but she’s back at her hometown in another state for the holidays.

I must say it was weird when he started asking me questions about what turns me on, whether it was neck kisses or lip biting or the rest. I had to ask why he was asking those questions and he gave me an excuse for it being a survey because he knows not all girls are the same.

“Well, it depends. I think it’s neck kisses that affect me the most.”

“So if I had you against the wall right now and gave you a little kiss on the neck, you’d be turned on?”

“If I find you attractive, yes. But my body may fail me.”

He suggested we’d try it and when I raised the issue of his existing girlfriend, he stated that there was no meaning to whatever we did. If I was his girlfriend, I wouldn’t like that, but I took the hand of the first option and said okay.

I wasn’t even moved by the neck kisses.

“Maybe it’s only a particular person that can give me that neck kiss and I’d be turned on.”

“So there’s something you’re not telling me. Who’s the guy?”

“What guy?”

He rolled his eyes and gave me that look that said he wasn’t dumb. “I’m definitely sure that there’s a guy that you’re with at the moment."

“It depends on what that statement means.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

I sighed. “I don’t, I don’t even know what we are. He hasn’t asked me out yet, but we’ve kissed a lot and had hot make-out sessions that makes me think twice about jumping on his bones."

“Ah, friends with benefits then?”

“I’ve not had s*x with anyone, not even him.”

“So where’s the guy? Or didn't he follow you tonight?” He looked around to see if any guy was watching us or probably glaring at us.

“If he was here, wouldn’t he have interrupted our discussion a long time ago?” I dropped my cup on the table and grabbed my phone to see if Ovie had texted me at all but he hadn’t. Kola noticed the sad look on my face and took my phone from my hand and started typing out a message.

“What are you doing?” I tried to reach for my phone but he turned the other way. When he was done, he handed it back to me and I read the message he sent aloud.

“Why would you send ‘your babe is cute though’ after the ‘why aren’t you here with her’ text?” I slapped his head and wanted to delete the message before he would see it, but it was too late. Ovie had already seen it and sent a reply.

“Cool.”

The f**k. What the hell does ‘cool’ mean? Isn’t he concerned whether a guy is hitting on me?

“Sorry about that, my drunk friend played with my phone and sent a dumb message to you.”

“So you’re trying to make me jealous?”

Okay, that message hit differently. I was trying to understand what was going on because there’s no way this message wasn’t sent out because of one hard feeling or the other. So I decided to call him as I stepped outside to cool my head and have a proper conversation. Whatever is going on, I have to hear it.

“So you aren’t concerned if a guy is flirting with me?”

“Why?”

“I thought that was the normal thing, just like how I'd get jealous if a girl was all around you and tried to get to the party.”

“So it’s all about the party, right?”

“I may be bummed that you’re not here, but I won’t force you if you don’t want to be here. Just don’t complain if guys are hitting on me.” I laughed.

There was silence at the end and I stopped.

“You just like testing someone, don’t you?”

“The f**k are you about, babe? What test did I give you or try to give you? Stop making things blow out of proportion.”

“Weren’t you trying to see if I’d be jealous? Because your texts are definitely saying so.”

“So it’s my fault I wanted to clear whatever misunderstanding he would have created?” I shouted into the receiver, “But no, I’m the one that’s creating issues because, apparently, I’m putting you to the test to see if you actually love me enough as your girlfriend.”

“Then it’s good we’re not dating.”

What?

“What are you trying to say, Ovie?”

“We’ve always been having arguments that aren’t worth it and, to be honest, it’s affecting my mental state.” He said. “I think we should go our separate ways, Deola. I wonder how it’d be if we were actually dating.”

“So you want to end things because of our arguments? Is that it?”

“I need to figure it out, to figure out if I actually love you or not.”

“What the hell are you saying?” I was already tearing up. The thought of him being absent in my life was already scary and that’s not what I wanted.

“Goodbye Deola, it’s for the best.” And he hung up.