The Truth Between Our Lies

Unwanted, Unheard

When we reached Marinduque, my mom wasn’t there. Maybe she wasn’t ready to see my father yet. After they separated, they hadn’t seen each other. Actually, I forgot to mention that my uncle Edmund was the one who first fetched me in Cagayan, my father’s hometown—so my parents really hadn’t seen each other yet.

My father was warmly welcomed by my mom’s family, especially my granny Nerissa and my mom’s siblings. They loved my father so much because they knew how good he was to my mom when they were still together.

My father went back the next day because he said my siblings needed him. He told my uncle Edmund and my aunties to take care of me, and he apologized for never being a good father to me. I just listened silently, but deep inside, it hurt. I kept asking myself why life was so cruel.

After a couple of weeks, my mom suddenly came back and acted like a good mother again. But after a few days, she returned to her old routine—being influenced by bad friends, having many boyfriends, and living carelessly. I became so sick of her that I grew even more rebellious. I stayed with my friends, went hiking and partying, and avoided going home because I couldn’t stand my mom anymore. She only came home to set a bad example in my eyes.

My hatred toward her grew deeper and deeper. If I had to name my biggest pet peeve, it would be her. To be honest, my mom can be gentle when you talk to her, but to me, it all feels like lies and pretending because she only thinks about herself. She couldn’t even take care of me when I was sick. She cared about others, but never about me.

As the days passed, my life became more and more chaotic, and I blamed her for everything. I ran away and joined a group that drank heavily and smoked cigarettes. I stayed with people who had no direction in life.

One day, after all my rebellious actions, my mom talked to me. She asked if I still had plans to finish college. She told me that if I wanted to continue my studies, she would give me one last chance. One of my biggest problems was that my studies were affected—I was cutting classes, and my grades were failing.

I told her that I wanted to continue my studies and that I would stop hanging out with bad influences. I wanted to talk to her about my feelings and the questions in my mind, but I was scared of how she would react. I wanted to build a strong relationship with her, but it seemed like she didn’t want the same. We had a conversation, but it wasn’t deep. I never told her how I truly felt—how devastated and lonely I was. I felt unwanted and unheard.

She said that after a couple of weeks, she would go back to Malaysia. She planned to send me to my Auntie Nadia in Manila. She would provide money for my tuition and needs. But she didn’t know that money was no longer important to me. What I truly needed was her presence more than anything. My Auntie Nadia had already moved to Manila, so I would study there. She told me this would be my last chance.