Lessons in Love

Chapter 68: Focus and Rage

POV: Beta Ben Westlake

I went outside the greenhouse. Rage was surging through my body, but it wasn’t my own. It was all Riley’s. I was desperately trying to push it down so I could push my aura out to calm her. “Riley,” I growled her name unintentionally.

“Don’t start!” She growled harshly back at me. “I don’t need a protector. I had it under control.”

“I know.” My growl broadened. “I’m not angry.” I managed to stifle the growl but spoke at her through my teeth.

“Please, look at you!” She snapped at me.

“It’s your anger, not mine!” I barked back. I closed my eyes tight and took a step back from her. With a vicious growl, I expelled my aura all at once at her. The force of it made her take a step back but her rage dwindled to a low hum, and I finally felt relief.

“I’m sorry.” She said moving back toward me.

“Come here.” I demanded softly. She stepped toward me, and I grabbed her in a tight hug. Riley buried her face in my chest and wrapped her arms around me. I kissed the top of her head and breathed her in. She was still angry, but I was able to manage it.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently stroking her back.

Riley let out a tremendous sigh and her angry spiked again. “No,” she growled into my shirt, clinging to me tightly. “No, I’m furious. They went after you through Rick. They didn’t just want to hurt you or kill you, they wanted to tear you apart.” She growled. I flexed my aura a little to help keep her calm. She took a deep breath, my scent and aura helping her to level her emotions out.

“I hate them.” She said, her voice shaking as she gripped me tighter. “I hate that anyone would do that to you, and I don’t know how to protect to you from an attack like that. A physical threat, sure, that I can defend against, but the mind games and subterfuge …” she trailed off and I heard her sniffle. “Ben, how do I keep you safe from that?”

I pulled her back from me and cupped her face in my hands. I brushed away the few tears with my thumbs as I stared into her golden-brown eyes. “You can’t.” I said honestly. Riley growled. I had to smile at her. She was so fiercely possessive and protective of me. Even though she hadn’t said she loved me back last night, I felt that she did. I felt safe. I kissed her forehead.

“Riley, I appreciate what you did today, but we should have done it together.” She opened her mouth to argue, but I pushed on. “We’re a power bond, remember? We’re supposed to fight side by side so we can protect each other and make each other stronger.” I reminded her. She nodded, her face delicately rubbing against my hands as she did, but I could see she didn’t like what I was saying. I moved my hands to her arms, rubbing my hands up and down, trying to impart some comfort to her.

Riley bit her bottom lip and her eyes welled with tears. Her rage was completely gone but had been replaced with a crushing sadness. She closed her eyes and the tears fell on quiet sobs. “Hey,” I pulled her into me. “Hey, why are you crying?” I asked quietly next to her ear.

Riley shook her head against my chest and took a deep, watery sounding breath. “It hurts.” She whispered. “It hurts you. He hurts you. That hurts me. I can’t imagine the pain he’s caused you. I can’t …” she sobbed harder. I held her tightly. “The idea of you in pain, it hurts so much.” She sobbed loudly into my shirt. She leaned into my heavily, the sobs making it hard for her to stand upright. I felt her sadness and pain in that moment, and it brought tears to my eyes.

“You’re my mate.” She sobbed. “You’re mine and I won’t let him do this again. I can’t. I won’t.” She growled through the tears. I held her as tightly as I could, pushing my aura around her, trying desperately to marshal my own emotions so I didn’t add to her discomfort.

“Riley,” I whispered in her ear. “You do protect me. You’re right. It does hurt. But you make it hurt a whole lot less. Listen to me,” I pulled her back from me again. “Look at me.” I said gently, gripping her shoulders. She opened her eyes, and I saw the sheer devastation she felt.

“You’re right, I was crushed by what he and Hannah did to Rick. I would have been utterly devastated if they had succeeded. Do you know how I got through that?” I asked gently. She shook her head. “You. You got me through it. You held me when I needed to cry. You stayed with me when I needed support, and you gave me space to manage my emotions when I needed that too. It didn’t hurt me the way it would have before we found each other.” I said, trying to make her understand.

“Before, I would have internalized everything. I would have held my emotions and thoughts to myself, and I would have blamed myself, held myself accountable for his actions. But that didn’t happen this time. I knew he was to blame, and that took so much of the hurt away. You made me strong enough to see that. That his abuse is his. I didn’t cause it, I didn’t ask for it, and I sure as f**k don’t deserve it. That is how you’re protecting me from him Riley. You’re making it harder and harder for him to hurt me.” I explained.

“His actions are always going to hurt in some way because he’s my father and he’s supposed to have loved me.” I got a little choked up at that. “He was supposed to have wanted me at the very least.” My own tears threatened to fall.

“But Riley, you, Rick, my mother, Sam and Katherine, you all make me feel wanted and loved. In the last four weeks, Rick and I are finally getting back to the way we used to be with each other, my mother is safe and building confidence every day, and your closeness with Sam and Katherine has made them closer to me. I have felt more wanted and loved in the last four weeks than I have my entire life and that’s all because of you. You protect me with every breath you take, and I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine.” I whispered, gently cupping her face in my hands.

“When I get angry lately, I think about that. I focus on how much you’ve changed my life for the better, and it’s hard to stay angry. I haven’t blown my aura out in weeks to relieve stress or rage. I don’t need to anymore. So, the next time you feel this rage, focus on how I feel about you – how you make me feel, because I promise, you take so much of the hurt and anger away.”

“I …” she said on a breath but licked her lips instead of finishing her thought. Her emotions flooded me, and I felt what she was about to say. She loved me. “I can’t say it.” Her voice was so sad and fresh tears built up along her thick lashes. “I’m so sorry, I’m just …”

“Afraid.” I whispered. I smiled lovingly at her and kissed her forehead.

“There’s still the matter of the curse and I …”

“Shh,” I hushed her pulling in back into my chest. “It’s okay, Riley. I don’t need to you say it. I can feel it.” I cradled her against me. “I love you, too.” I whispered. We stood there a long while and just held each other.