Lessons in Love

Chapter 31: Auras and Apologies

POV: Riley Campbell

My chest was still throbbing. Ben and I were breathing hard from the ordeal. It didn’t matter suddenly that there might be a curse or that none of this was real. He’d tried to reject me, or he’d wanted to, and it had ripped me apart. I started to cry. I covered my face and curled into a ball on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably as Sam and Rick left the room. I felt ridiculous for my reaction, but I couldn’t stop it.

“Riley,” Ben’s voice was a shaky whisper. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m so sorry, Riley.” I heard him moving in the space getting closer to me.

“Don’t,” I begged. “If you touch me, you’ll make this so much worse.” I sobbed.

“Can you please look at me?” He whispered. All I could do was shake my head. I genuinely couldn’t stop crying. “Riley, I can’t do this.” His voice sounded choked. “I can’t watch you suffer if I can’t hold you. Please,” he whispered, and I heard him let out a choked sob.

“I’m so sorry, Ben.” I sobbed harder. I wanted so badly to be held right now. I wanted to hold and comfort him, too. I took a steadying breath. I extended my aura around myself and pushed it toward him. I wrapped us up in my aura. I wiped my face as I pulled my hands away and looked at Ben. He had stuffed his hands under the cushion of the sofa to keep from grabbing me. His head hung forward off his shoulders, which shook gently from his own tears.

My aura started to affect him, and he let out a watery sounding sigh as the pain and grief between us lessened. He looked up at me. His blue eyes were rimmed red and shimmered with tears. His cheeks were stained with the ones that had already fallen. The sight of him made it hard for me not to start sobbing all over again.

“I’m so sorry.” Fresh tears spilled down his face. “I almost …” he lowered his head again and breathed deeply. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper.”

“It’s okay to be upset, Ben.”

“No, I …” he shook his head. “I can’t … I don’t want to be him.” He sounded so defeated.

“Is that what happened?” I asked. “You thought you were being like your father?”

Ben rolled off his knees and sat on the floor. He scrubbed his face with his hands, and I let my aura hold him for a moment. He kept his eyes closed, like he was focusing on the feel of it for a moment. When he opened his eyes and looked at me, I saw sadness. It took everything for me not to reach for him.

“As family, we shouldn’t have felt his aura the way we did. It was scary and angry. So is mine. He would yell at us all the time, pushing his aura out as he stalked around the house or grabbed us. I never want to yell at you, I never want to hurt you or scare you, and I did that today.” He said quietly.

“Ben, when you reached for me, I was scared because we think we’re cursed. It never once crossed my mind that you would reach for me to hurt me. Was that your intent?”

His eyes got wide, and I felt the hurt and fear rising in him through the bond. “No,” he practically breathed the word. “No.” He shook his head.

I smiled at him. “Ben, you’re not him. You’ll never be him. Your aura has anger, I felt it, but it’s not scary. It’s …” I couldn’t think how to describe it. “It’s … just. When I felt your aura, the rage was not directed at me. It was directed at everything that could hurt me, and that ever had hurt me. I don’t know if that makes any sense …”

“It does.” He said. “Yours felt the same. Well, at least that part of it does.” The corner of his mouth twitched upward. “Why didn’t you use your aura on me when I was angry? You could have turned me into a drooling mess.” He gave an awkward chuckle as his cheeks went pink.

“Because I was angry with you for accusing me of hurting Rick.” I told him honestly. “At first, I thought you were upset because I was holding Rick, which I would have been irritated with, but I would have understood that. You just accused me without letting me explain.”

“He was screaming for me through the mind-link before my mother told me to come for him.” Ben lowered his eye. “I thought …” he let out another sigh. “I thought something had happened to you or my mother at first. Then she told me it was him and I … he saw nine people die, Riley. He watched one of his closest friends die. I … he’s been struggling for months.” Ben was trying not to raise his voice, and it occurred to me that he wasn’t angry at me. He was angry with himself. He let out a frustrated sigh and looked at me.

“What happened at the school today?” He asked.

I explained what had happened and how he’d helped the girls even though it hurt him to do it. “I swear to you, Ben, I would never hurt him. And neither would you. This isn’t your fault either.” I said gently.

“I wasn’t there for him.” He said quietly. “That day, he kept asking for help, and I couldn’t get to him. It …” he sighed again and shook his head.

“What?”

“It bothers me that you’ve been there for him when I wasn’t the last two times.” His tone was not accusatory in any way. He was explaining his feelings as best he could. Still, it was hard not to be a little offended by what he said next.

“It’s not even that much about you touching another man, though it did make me wildly jealous both times.” He admitted. “It’s that I’ve been trying for months to reach him, and it’s been this slow, arduous process to get him to open up. And one day, you walk in …” he raised an eyebrow, and his expression let me know I could easily fill in the blanks.

“If he’s going to be at the school more, you may have to get used to someone else being there for him. I’ll be honest, I don’t think I could have watched him suffer until you got there. It didn’t take long today, but it was longer than I could stand to watch him on the floor like that.”

“I know,” he said with a sad smile. “I would be the same, I think, if the roles were reversed. It’s just hard to see you touch someone when we can’t touch each other.” He sighed.

“Back up a bit.” I said softly. Ben shuffled back from me, and I put my feet on the floor in front of him. I leaned forward a bit. I held my hand out, palm down. “Raise your hand under mine.” I said.

“Riley, we can’t.” Ben said.

“Don’t touch me, just hold your hand below mine.” I said. Ben rolled onto his knees and raised his hand. He locked eyes with me, and I felt both his fear and his desire mingle. The closer his hand got to mine, the stronger the bond seemed to get. It was as if there was electricity arcing between his hand and mine. One more inch, and we’d be touching each other. It felt like our hands were pulling our auras forward. I let mine come forward gently. Ben sucked in his breath.

“Riley,” my name escaped him on a breath. It was sensual, and I could imagine him saying my name like that in bed. I wet my lips, leaning in a little toward him. Ben closed his eyes tightly.

“Are you okay?” I asked. He looked like he was struggling with this.

“It’s pulling at my aura.” He grunted.

“Let it,” I said softly.

Ben shook his head. “I can’t,” he started to lower his hand.

“Ben, look at me. Stay with me.” Ben opened his eyes and steadied himself. His hand came back under mine, and I felt the heat rise off his palm. “Keep your eyes on me.” I said gently. He nodded, but I saw how nervous he was. “Growl.” I instructed him. He furrowed his brow at me. “Use your growl like a gauge. The more you growl, the more of your aura you let out.”

“Riley,” Ben started to sweat. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“It’s okay if you can’t,” I said with a slight smile. “You can’t hurt me with it, remember?”

Ben growled normally, his aura rushing out around us. I pushed mine out to steady him. He lowered his growl, and his aura fluctuated but lessened a little. His eyes focused on mine as our auras stirred the bond up between us.

Arousal intensified our mate scents, and I found us both leaning closer and closer to each other. My heart was pounding as I stared into his eyes. A little closer, and I would feel his breath on my face. Would that be so bad, I wondered. I leaned in a little closer, preparing myself to kiss him and break the one rule we’d set out for each other. I felt the gap between us closing, even though I didn’t see either of us move. My eyes fluttered closed, and … there were two sharp knocks at the door, and we jumped apart.