Lessons in Love

Chapter 38: The Big Bad Wolf

POV: Riley Campbell

I didn’t sleep well. No amount of baked apples seemed to make me feel better. I had crawled into bed, blocking my emotions from Ben, as I buried my face in that ridiculous bear dressed in Ben’s shirt. I didn’t know how to get through to Ben. I didn’t know what to say to him. I woke up and went downstairs to the kitchen to get some breakfast and a cup of tea.

A dark spot near my back door startled me and I realized there was a large black wolf, curled up near my back steps. The wolf was fast asleep, their tail curled around themselves against the chill of the night. I opened the door slowly so the sound wouldn’t scare the wolf and caught Ben’s mate scent in the air. It was him. Ben had slept in my yard. I pulled my sweater tighter around me and went out into the chilly morning air.

“Ben,” I called to him quietly. He stirred but didn’t wake up. “Ben!” I called out a little louder. His eyes fluttered open, and he yawned. He looked at me then, and I saw total embarrassment shining back at me. “What are you doing here? Did you sleep out here all night?” I asked.

I’d yet to be made a member of this pack, so he couldn’t communicate through a mind-link. He couldn’t answer me without standing up out of his fur. He’d be completely naked if he did. He unfurled himself and stood, showing he had clothes with him and needed a moment.

“Come inside when you’re dressed.” I said. I went in and kept as busy as I possibly could to distract myself from the fact my mate was naked in my yard. The door opened and closed behind me as the smell of apples and herbs filled my kitchen. I poured two cups of tea and brought them to the kitchen table. I put one down for him and sat without a word.

“I couldn’t sleep last night.” He said, raking his hands through his hair. It bothered me how hot I found it when he did that. “I wanted to be close to you.” He said, gripping the back of the chair and looking at the mug on the table. “You were really sad last night. I could feel it, even though I could feel you holding back your emotions.” He said quietly. “I made you sad. I hurt you last night and …” his fingers tightened around the chair. “Riley, I don’t know how to handle this.” He said, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Ben looked at me then, “I know I’m doing this all wrong, and I keep screwing it up. I’m just … I’m …” his eyes got sad, and he stopped blocking his emotions. I was flooded with grief and fear. “I’m terrified he’s going to do to you what he did to me.”

“Why don’t you sit,” I said. “Have the tea.” Ben sat down and picked up the mug. He sniffed at it before taking a sip. “It might help me to understand if you tell me what exactly you think he’ll do to me.”

He stared blankly at me for a moment, but I felt his fear wash through me. Ben put the mug down on the table, and he pulled the sleeve of his sweater up, revealing his watch. His hand shook slightly as he undid the strap and slid it off his wrist. Rick had mentioned this scar, but I found myself unprepared for the emotional impact seeing it had on me. The scar around his wrist looked raw, almost fresh in a way. Silver sometimes had that effect. He rotated his wrist so I could see the full extent of the scar, including the jagged line where the shackle had sliced through his skin.

I was angry at the sight of it. I wanted to rip George apart for what he’d done. That’s when I remembered Rick had said these scars were all over his body. I felt his fear and hurt. I heard his small voice from last night asking why his father hated him so much, and I felt a lump forming in my throat.

“The basement is soundproof.” He whispered. His eyes fixed on his wrist as I watched his face. “When I was twelve, and I was able to shift, he’d bring me down there. He’d chain me up and he’d hurt me. He …” Ben swallowed delicately. His fear was overwhelming me. A part of me wanted to tell him to stop so I could catch my breath, but I couldn’t. He needed to say this to me and if it helped us get closer, then I had to let him.

“He used a whip at first, before I could shift. After though, he was so angry at me. He used silver shackles to keep me from shifting. He used a lot of silver weapons.” Ben sighed, a soft shudder running through him. “He …” Ben seemed to choke on the words.

“He used to say that he would cut the rage out of me. He’d cut my wolf out of me. That I didn’t deserve to have one.” His voice got thick. “I fought back this one time. I threw my aura out at him from the shackled spot in the basement and I screamed that I would kill him for treating us the way he did. He, uh … he …” Ben’s bottom lip trembled a moment and he shook his head, closing his eyes against the tears.

“He kept me down there all weekend, and … he kept …” Ben’s tears couldn’t be contained. My heart ached to touch him, but I didn’t move. “He kept putting silver shavings in all the wounds he made. It … it burned and I … I thought I was going to die. He made me … want to die. I didn’t want him to kill me. I didn’t want … him to … win. I … I didn’t … want … to feel …” Ben was sobbing uncontrollably as he stared at his wrist.

I looked at the jagged shape of the scar, the way it looked ripped open. “You tried to kill yourself.” I said softly. Ben couldn’t say anything more. He nodded and covered his face with his hands.

“Ben,” I said softly, pushing my aura out around him.

“That’s what he does.” Ben sobbed. “He makes you think … that … dying is … the better … choice … he breaks you … he breaks … everything …” He wept.

Even my aura wasn’t calming him down. There was one way, I thought. I didn’t want to do it without his permission though. I sat there a moment, frozen by indecision. My whole body was tense as I reached my hand slowly toward him. His mangled wrist was the closest to me, and I questioned whether this was the right thing to do one last time before I gently wrapped my fingers around the scar.

We both drew a sharp breath as the bond expanded. I hadn’t expected it to feel like that.

Ben didn’t pull away. He covered his eyes with one hand and let me hold the damaged wrist, offering it to me in a way. I wrapped both my hands around his wrist and listened to his sobs lessen as I did. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to hold him, hug him. I wanted to comfort him, and I didn’t feel like I was. I started to stand up, but he stopped me.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “This is perfect, please don’t.” There were still tears in his voice.

“I won’t move.” I said softly, even though wrapping my arms around him was all I wanted to do. A few minutes more and Ben let out a heavy sigh, sniffling behind his hand. I grabbed some of the napkins from the center of the table and put them where he could reach them. He took his hand back from me, scooped up the napkins, and turned away, standing and facing the back door.

I picked the watch up off the table. I turned it over and saw the words ‘Focus and Rage’ burned into the leather. “Rick gave you the watch.” I said.

Ben took a deep breath and turned to face me with a nod. “My sixteenth birthday.” He said, his voice sounding raw, but sturdy.

I rested the watch down gently and stood up. He seemed nervous as I got closer. “Is it okay if I hug you now?” I asked. “I would really like to.”

“I … uh,” he sighed. “I have nerve damage in my back. Some spots are numb, others are overly sensitive.” He looked at his feet instead of me. “If I flinch, it’s not because you’ve hurt me.”

“I could avoid your back and put my arms around the back of your neck.”

“No!” He snapped and immediately cleared his throat. “No, that’s worse.” He said calmly.

“Okay, around your back it is.” I said with a slight smile to let him know I wasn’t hurt or offended by his tone. I stepped in closer, and Ben put his hands on my shoulders.

“Is there anywhere I should avoid?” He asked nervously.

I smiled at him as my hands slowly made contact with his waist. “No, you can hug me however you’d like to.” I said. I watched his face as I slid my hands around his waist to his back. He was stiff, like he was anticipating a sensation. When my hands reached the centre of his back, he let out a breath and looked down at me, completely confused. He cupped my face in his hands and stared at me.

“What is it?” I asked.

His hands shook a little. “It’s like … like there’s nothing wrong with my back. I can feel your hands like you were touching my arm. This … is this real?” He whispered, and I saw the awe in his eye.

I smiled up at him, feeling hope through our bond for the first time. “Yeah, I think it might be.” I said.

He pulled me against his chest and held me tightly. His grip around me tightened and I felt his happiness flow through the bond. He was certain and I knew he needed no further proof.