Built For Sin

Chapter 3

Seerat

"Soooo. Spill it, girl. What’s he like?”

Disgusting. Gorgeous. Rude. Sexy. Screwed-up. Witty. Broody. Unbearable. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Disaster! Asher Collins was all those things and more, but my family and friends didn’t need to know any of that.

Natasha was already crazy worried at the prospect of me leaving for two months without actually really telling my family the truth . I turned off the faucet and wiped my hands with a kitchen towel, turning around to lean against the counter. We lived in an old  one-bedroom apartment, where the fridge made more noise than the highway outside, and the walls were more naked and depressing than the strippers at the club .But it was the only house we could really afford and it was near to institute Campus. So yeah, Bingo! 

“Fine, I guess. Your average rock star. A chain-smoking, crazy-in-love-with-himself, conceited dude.” I sucked my teeth, my eyes traveling anywhere but her gaze.

I got lost in my thoughts that how these Two hundred thousand dollars are gonna make everything right. Finally we will have a home, A nice Home. Our Home. My Home. Finally Mom will be happy. Her dream of having a beautiful home, which will be ours will be fulfilled. Finally, Both Mom and Dad will get the proper treatment for their health conditions.

Dad will get relieved from the stress of arranging college fee for my brother. And At least he will attend a better institute for his Masters, unlike me. Those Two hundred thousand dollars were so important to me. For them I'm able to take any trouble on myself, even Asher Collins. 

Natasha looked up from her bowl of plain pasta, and looked right at me. 

“Cut the bullshit, Seerat. You never badmouth people. He’s probably a world-class prick, which doesn’t surprise me. Show me a celebrity who isn’t a jerk.”

"He's not that bad. You are probably exaggerating the whole thing." I tried to convince her. 

"Oh Really! So You are telling me he is a nice Celebrity who was elated to meet you and treated you with all the respect. Right? " She asked me. 

I nodded at her. She didn't need to know what transpired between Asher Collins and me at the hotel.

"Stop lying, Seerat Bajwa! You know whenever you try to lie, your face betrays you. Stop shitting yourself and me. " Natasha said.  Later, Nat slid behind me, hugging my midsection and resting her head against my shoulder. “You don’t have to do this,You know . You’ve never been on an airplane before. Never even left the State on your own . This is the first time you are away from your home...We can still work this out on our own. You are so Talented.Once You get your doctorate,every reputed institution would want you to work for them.  You will probably get a job in  one of the country's most reputed institutions. Till then we can do something else to arrange money. We can get job as someone's assistant …”

I turned around and grabbed her shoulders, smiling.

“Two hundred thousand dollars to hang out with a rock star. Are you kidding me? Does that sound like something any twenty-one-year-old girl would say no to?”

"Yes,” she deadpanned, flattening her palm over my  dress. “If the girl in question is you. I know you. All you want to do is read books and listen to music in your room. You’re the mother of all introverts. When we watched Bubble Boy together—you envied the poor kid for living in solitude.”

Touché.

I didn’t need the reminder I was a reclusive loser. But maybe that was a part of the charm of taking the job. Getting out of my shell was exactly what I needed. I needed to explore more. I needed to discover myself. I needed to know who I was. I needed to face my fears. I had read somewhere that if something didn't scare you or didn't excite you, you should never do it. Working as Asher Collins' Nanny was both scaring and exciting at the same time for me. I was excited, because I would get to discover an another side of life which I have not seen before . I was scared too. I was scared for my heart.

 My family had always told me that I had a weak heart; that I can get hurt easily, which was partially true. But it was okay, I could manage myself. Asher Collins was as much interested interested me as much Politicians worried about students' education ,which was approximately equal to zero. So Asher Collins was definitely not a problem for my weak heart. I knew he was handsome ; Actually all the men present in that hotel room were handsome. I always had found foreign guys more handsome compared to locals. But being handsome didn't meant I will be attracted towards someone. I was attracted toward vulnerabilities.So This tour was safe for my heart ,mind and soul. There were so many walls around my heart, so many secrets inside it ,that only someone who was as vulnerable as me would want to break those walls, to know those secrets. Normal people usually ran away from vulnerabilities. They didn't want to believe in them. Asher Collins wasn't a danger for my heart. 

Plus, I’d come back with a suitcase full of unique and precious adventures. New smells, sights, and tastes on my tongue from all the wonderful places I’d always dreamed of visiting.

“Nat, I promise you, I couldn’t be more excited if I tried.”

“Would you tell me if you really didn’t want to go?” she probed, and I wondered if she could see the terror I masked with my smile.

I glanced at the big suitcase sitting next to the entrance door, glaring back at me, taunting me, reminding me of what was to come. There was no way I could sleep with so much weighing on my chest, my mind, my heart. The anxiety would eat me from inside. I could probably close my eyes, but I definitely will not be able to sleep. My mind would constantly drift back to the thoughts, about whom I didn't need to think right now. I needed more air than was in the whole apartment building.

I went for a walk.

Outside, I pulled my hoodie over my head and darted down the darkened street. The breeze was crisp and salty, the wind dancing across my face. Lights from convenient stores and old-school diners zinged by, and for the first time that day, I managed to inhale deeply.

A tingle ran down my spine when I remembered the first time I saw Asher Collins’s eyes up close. Whiskey brown. Bottomless and tawny like rich wood, full, expressive, and misleadingly warm. Straight nose, square jaw seemingly made of stone, and too-full lips that softened his appearance, despite his best efforts. His tousled hair was dirty brown, silk and cashmere, and he smelled of old leather and a new obsession. No wonder, Girls were crazy for him. When I said crazy,  I meant that if they ever saw any girl even in the two feet radius of Asher Collins,  they would stalk her, will find her address and will threaten her to not even think about getting involved with Asher,because then their would be consequences that wouldn't be good. I have read so many stories about his crazy fangirls that it even terrified to think to which extent they could go. Now that, I have met him I knew why those girls were acting as maniacs. But he was not that much special. 

He may have looked beautiful, but it was important to remember that Asher Collins was not, in fact, boyfriend material. Or anything-material. What he definitely was was: rude, impatient, a bully, and a recovering drug addict ; My Job.

I walked faster, a mist of sweat forming on my brow. Collins had worn army boots—unlaced—a pair of cheap-looking torn jeans, and a black tank top with raw-edge armholes, exposing his lean torso and tatted ribs. He was skinny—lithe but strong—and had several wristbands and rings on his hands, and was the very definition of s*x on legs.

And I hated him.

Hated the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he’d undermined me. Hated that he held so much power over me, and the way he was going to use that power against me.

I walked for almost One and Half hour before making a U-turn and heading back home, then decided to skip the shower because I didn’t want to wake Natasha up. I tossed and turned until dawn, thankful when Alarm rang. And when the sun emerged and the clouds hung low and fat over this city, I stood up, grabbed the suitcase, and walked over to mirror.

"I’m getting myself out of this mess, I'm getting my family out of this mess”.

I swore, leaning to kiss Natasha's forehead, reminding myself this temporary goodbye would later on grant me a steady future. She murmured to herself and waved her  goodbye, blowing me kisses like She'd taught me .

That’s when I knew this was a promise I was going to keep.