Chapter 35 - My wife is a tabbouleh OR f**k your dead elders!
666 Words
-Oh, darling! You're here?
Fuck!
Why did I even enter my bedroom without checking what was in first?
Shit!
I already knew that things in life but nothing like that!
How can she be so much of a psycho?
It's not cool!
If she took a test, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's basically a 1000!
Fortunately, such a test doesn't exist, or else my worst fears would be confirmed and I would be much more panic-stricken! So long as such a test doesn't exist, I can deny my own interpretation of the matter!
But well, after being stunned by the sight for a bit, I finally answer:
-Yes, ta…
I stop myself from saying "tadaima", I can't show my weebness to anyone!
-Okaeri!
Uh?
Did I hear that correctly?
She actually has… knowledge of Japanese???
Like, she actually answered correctly?
-Surprised, darling? I don't know how, but I just learned new words just now!
-Uuhh you weren't supposed to know that…
As I have no idea of how she did that, I think a bit before doing some tests:
-Ka…
-…waii.
-Omae wa mo…
-…shindeiru.
-I…
-…kku.
Is it exclusively Japanese?
-Ugly...
-Bastard.
What the f**k man!
She knows everything, it's like she's reading in my mind!
How does such a thing even work?
-Oh it's crazy, we are perfectly in sync! It means that we're made for each other, right?
-…
No, we're not.
-I read in a book that some couples are complete each other's sentences, and even some are able to know what the other is thinking!
What kind of horror is this? Is it something specific to this world? Does marriage give you this kind of power? It's supposed to be things that can only happen after many years, and only on specific things!
-I'll try to read your mind, hmm… you think that it's… so incredibly romantic!
-Hmm, nope, it's not that…
-Ah! Well, we didn't reach that step yet, but I'm sure I can complete all your sentences!
-I'm doubting this, you can't possibly complete a proper noun like Via…
-…gra!
-Well, let's try something harder… Uta…
-Eh… I don't have any idea…
-That's good me too.
So that clearly means she somehow reads my intentions… Uta is the first word in most spells, if she just knew me well she would think about what spell I'm most likely to think of in this situation instead.
-Hey! It's not fair!
She pouts in the cute way lolis do. At this precise moment, she doesn't seem to be creepy... It even doesn't feel bad. I almost have the urge to pat and protecc.
-Yes! I knew it! You love me too!
-Uuhh, actually, it was closer to love between a big brother and his little sister…
-As in i****t novels! So you're my onii-chan ?
I'm the only one who should be allowed to break the 4th wall! I'm the one who's from Earth goddamnit!
I quickly answer:
-It's not right... even if we're really brother and sister you're technically older than me…
-Oh, yes… But then I'm your onee-chan!
This time, it doesn't have anything to do with my intentions… Does this really mean that she can freely read ALL my thoughts, or that the author just writes whatever he thinks about at the moment?
AAAHHH, what a mess!
The ideas in my head are coming and leaving at a really high speed.
Faster than sound.
Faster than light.
It's suprataboulic speed!
Faster than making tabbouleh, you can do it in 30 seconds in the microwaves!
-Darling, can we spend the night together?
-f**k your grandfather!
-Oooh, you're into necrophily too? You could have said it to me, it can be arranged!
-…
In the end, she doesn't really seem to be entirely in tune with me…
- Writer
