A Dream To Remember
1827 Words
A Dream To Remember
Khushi was leaning on the head post of the bed looking at her husband swooning their son in his arms to put him to sleep. A small smile permanently sets place on Khushi's lips every time she sees little Ayaan with Arnav. The memory of the night that Khushi broke the news to Arnav about her pregnancy is still fresh in her memory.
"Pregnant?" asked Arnav astonished. "You mean a baby inside you?"
Khushi nodded with a giggle. Her husband looked like he would need a whole lecture on pregnancy before he would begin to believe that they were expecting.
Khushi chuckled at the memory making Arnav frown at her. She pressed her lips together and made a puppy face. Arnav was in a hurry to put their son to sleep today as he had just returned after a three days trip and was too eager to spend time with his wife. So, he took it upon himself to make Ayaan sleep when Khushi wrapped up other works. Now, after two hours, Khushi has settled in bed completing her works while the father son was still on 'trying to sleep' phase.
"He wanted me to fix his toy car." Arnav said as answer to Khushi's curious stare at seeing Ayaan up and active. When has Arnav learned to say no to Ayaan?
It took another thirty minutes before Arnav joined Khushi in bed with a deep sigh. As she put the magazine that she was reading away, Arnav settled himself comfortably on bed with his head on her lap.
"I missed your smell." He said hiding his face in her stomach and inhaling sharply.
Khushi giggled pushing him away a little. "That's ticklish."
Moving back on her lap, Arnav took her hand in his and started to play with her fingers.
"Did you miss me?" he asked
"Not much/" she said gently massaging his scalp.
"Really!!" he asked crooking his eyebrows.
"Now that you have given me a replacement for you, he keeps me on my toes and I miss you only little."
"He is like you, not like me." He argued
"No." Khushi shook her head. "Same eyes." She said touching Arnav's eyes. "Same nose." She flicked her finger on his nose. "Same ears." She said pulling his ears.
"Looks wise perhaps." Arnav nodded. "But Ayaan is not like me and..." he continued in distant voice. "I don't want him to be like me."
Khushi's hand halted on his forehead and she looked at him with concern. Arnav's childhood was a sore topic, Khushi was aware, but they never openly discussed it before.
"Arnav..." she called breaking his thoughts that trailed back to his past. "Arnav..." she called again this time by placing a kiss on his lips.
His eyes registered a distant expression and Khushi looked on worried.
"If Ayaan is like me, then it will mean I am like my father, Khushi. I would never want that."
"Arnav..." Khushi mumbled Khushi pulling him close to her. "Don't say that. You are an amazing father."
"I ...." he hesitated for a moment. "I was so lost as a child. I didn't have anyone to turn to, be it for sharing happiness or sadness. I was all alone confused, uncertain, and insecure. I will never want that for Ayaan."
He was staring at the ceiling without blinking.
"I was never his priority, Khushi." he began. "In fact I wonder if he even remembered that he had a son. He was never there for me ever. He said he was creating a business empire for me and that keeps him busy. If only he realized that I didn't need empire but someone to love me." Arnav hugged her hands closer to him. "It was annual day in school, I was in fourth standard and I had won three prizes that year. I was so eager to show it to him. I waited for him whole night. I kept my certificates in his study sure that he will see it when he returns and he will come to me to congratulate me. However, in the morning I found the whole study disoriented because he was missing a file. Many papers lay in pile and amongst them lay my cherished certificates torn in edges. That was my first achievement, Khushi and that wasn't celebrated. I think nothing will ever come close to pacifying me for the disappointment that I felt at that time. You always ask me why I never personally go to receive any awards given to me, here is your answer. I fear that I had to live that moment of feeling unloved again and again."
"His favourite pet name for me was 'dumbhead'. He thought I was a fool. I think from my heart like mom and not from mind like him. When he wrote off major shares of the company in my name, he said, 'Arent you glad that I have created this empire for you? You cannot even dream of achieving it'. I was not the son he wanted and he didn't hesitate to point it out to me. No matter what I do. I will never be enough. I will always be the boy whose achievement was discarded without second look/"
Khushi lay beside her husband looking at his sleeping form. He was disturbed after he shared an anecdote from his childhood. Nothing she did brought him out of that memory and he dozed off more out of fatigue than will. She pressed her palms to his cheeks. Images of young Arnav filled her mind. A ten year old boy yearning for love and appreciation moved her heart. How troubled he would have been at that age, she thought to herself as she dossed off.
The dream was vivid. It was so clear that one could mistake it to be reality. Amidst the hazy morning mist, the lone banyan tree in the backyard of their house garden stood briskly and Khushi walked towards it with slow steps. The garden was from her memory with only exception was that the fountain that she newly added a year after her wedding with Arnav was missing. Khushi took slow and cautious steps as she reached the place where newly planted bushes were supposed to be present. The unfamiliarity of the familiar place bemused her and she tried to walk forward to examine the changes. Soft wail stopped her in her tracks and she immediately turned around. A small boy was sitting on the grey bench that she has never seen before near the banyan tree. He looked at her with glassy eyes and sad pout.
"Arnav..." her heart reached out to him.
In quick strides she reached the bench and sat beside the small boy that she easily recognized as the man she fell in love with.
The tears didn't seem to stop and a drop or two even fell on the medals and certificates that he held in his hands.
"Arnav, don't cry." She said and her voice cracked looking at the innocent boy.
His eyes hasn't changed at all.
"Is this your certificates?" she asked looking at him with a smile
The reaction from other end was null while he only turned to the other side. Khushi held his face and turned him to look at her.
"Won't you show me your certificates?" she asked hopefully
The next moment the certificates were dropped on the ground and they vanished inside the brown mud. Khushi looked at the boy who now stared at her with a blank look. She let out a painful sigh before cupping the face of the small boy.
"If you let every bad memory of your past to ruin your present and future then it means you don't cherish you present." She said
Arnav woke up with incessant pat on his cheeks. He opened his eyes to his son smiling down at him showing his newly formed milk teeth.
"Ayaan..." Arnav mumbled before pulling him into hug and kissing the top of his head.
Will the present ever erase the scars of past? The answer came to him instantly in the form of a quick kiss that his son placed on his nose. Yes. When present is a life with people who love you unconditionally, then scars of past is erased and new memories are made.
Placing Ayaan on the baby chair beside the dining table, Arnav hugged Khushi, who was making coffee, from behind.
"Good morning." She said tilting her head to the right letting her husband place kisses. "I thought you will be tired and wake up only late afternoon."
"I am not, actually." Said Arnav before taking the coffee mug from Khushi's hand that she was about to drink making her whine a little.
Not wanting to fight with her husband for coffee early in the morning, Khushi began to make one for herself.
"I guess another trip is in due now." he said sipping the coffee. Khushi turned to look at him with questioning gaze. "Singapore." He answered
"To attend your felicitation by ABC corp?" she asked unsure
Arnav nodded discretely. "A family trip this time?"
Khushi didn't know how to react to it. It was so unlike Arnav to want to attend any function where he is being praised. Initially when she found at that he shy away from praise or appreciation, she concluded that he was humble. Later, she realized it had to do with the fact that how his father always considered him not good enough and as a result he didn't believe in any kind of appreciation that comes his way. Every time the company receives an award or he receives an award he had one reason or the other for the win except the fact that he has worked hard day and night to achieve it. He was convinced that he was not worth anything that he received.
"Are you sure?" Khushi asked looking at her husband trying to read him.
Arnav reached for her hand and pulled her close to him. "If you let every bad memory of your past to ruin your present and future then it means you don't cherish you present." he said
"Who made you understand it?" she asked
"You." He replied with a smile
"Huh?"
"That small boy, years ago, didn't have you. If he had had you, then he wouldn't have felt lonely. Nevertheless, now I have you and that is what matters. I shouldn't shut away from fear of the past. Ayaan wouldn't like a quitter father now, would he?"
"How did everything change in one night?" she asked surprised
"All it takes for a dream to settle in your heart is one night." He answered.
Slow smile appeared on Khushi's lips as she saw her husband walking towards the lawn whistling music of his own. Turning to Ayaan , Khushi grinned widely, "You papa finally believes in dreams."
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- Writer
