Proud Robber

Proud Robber

Proud RobberA Book by ITFilip

INT. TIMISOARA - AFTERNOON

Funny Police Man DR. DAVID WUCHINGER is arguing with funny computer programmer MR DANIEL BARKER. DAVID tries to hug DANIEL but he shakes him off.

DAVID

Please Daniel, don't leave me.DANIEL

I'm sorry David, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.DAVID

I am such a person!DANIEL frowns.

DANIEL

I'm sorry, David. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.DANIEL leaves.

DAVID sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, admirable hairdresser MISS. SARA COROAMA barges in looking flustered.

DAVID

Goodness, Sara! Is everything okay?SARA

I'm afraid not.DAVID

What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...SARA

It's ... a robber ... I saw an evil robber rob a bunch of children!DAVID

Defenseless children?SARA

Yes, defenseless children!DAVID

Bloomin' heck, Sara! We've got to do something.SARA

I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.DAVID

You can start by telling me where this happened.SARA

I was...SARA fans herself and begins to wheeze.

DAVID

Focus Sara, focus! Where did it happen?SARA

Arad! That's right - Arad!DAVID springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

DAVID rushes along the street, followed by SARA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. ARAD - SHORTLY AFTER

WENNA BALL a proud robber terrorises two children.

DAVID, closely followed by SARA, rushes towards WENNA, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

SARA

What is is? What's the matter?DAVID

That's not just any old robber, that's Wenna Ball!SARA

Who's Wenna Ball?DAVID

Who's Wenna Ball? Who's Wenna Ball? Only the most proud robber in the universe!SARA

Blinkin' knickers, David! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most proud robber in the universe!DAVID

You can say that again.SARA

Blinkin' knickers, David! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most proud robber in the universe!DAVID

I'm going to need guns, lots of guns.Wenna turns and sees David and Sara. She grins an evil grin.

WENNA

David Wuchinger, we meet again.SARA

You've met?DAVID

Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young DAVID is sitting in a park listening to some rapp music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees WENNA. He takes off his headphones.

WENNA

Would you like some jelly babies?DAVID's eyes light up, but then he studies WENNA more closely, and looks uneasy.

DAVID

I don't know, you look kind of proud.WENNA

Me? No. I'm not proud. I'm the least proud robber in the world.DAVID

Wait, you're a robber?DAVID runs away, screaming.

EXT. ARAD - PRESENT DAY

WENNA

You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.SARA

(To DAVID) You ran away?DAVID

(To SARA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?DAVID turns to WENNA.

DAVID

I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!DAVID runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

DAVID

I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with guns.WENNA

I'm not scared of you.DAVID

You should be.

EXT. SATU MARE - LATER THAT DAY

DAVID and SARA walk around searching for something.

DAVID

I feel sure I left my guns somewhere around here.SARA

Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly guns.DAVID

You know nothing Sara Coroama.SARA

We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.Suddenly, WENNA appears, holding a pair of guns.

WENNA

Looking for something?SARA

Crikey, David, she's got your guns.DAVID

Tell me something I don't already know!SARA

The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.DAVID

I know that already!SARA

I still wear nappies.WENNA

(appalled) Dude!While WENNA is looking at SARA with disgust, DAVID lunges forward and grabs his deadly guns. He wields them, triumphantly.

DAVID

Prepare to die, you proud potato!WENNA

No please! All I did was rob a bunch of children!DANIEL enters, unseen by any of the others.

DAVID

I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! David Wuchinger defender of innocent children.WENNA

Don't hurt me! Please!DAVID

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these guns on you right away!WENNA

Because David, I am your mother.DAVID looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

DAVID

No you're not!WENNA

Ah well, it had to be worth a try.WENNA tries to grab the guns but DAVID dodges out of the way.

DAVID

Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?Unexpectedly, WENNA slumps to the ground.

SARA

Did she just faint?DAVID

I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly guns.DAVID crouches over WENNA's body.

SARA

Be careful, David. It could be a trick.DAVID

No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Wenna Ball is dead!DAVID

What?DAVID

Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.SARA claps her hands.

SARA

So your guns did save the day, after all.DANIEL steps forward.

DANIEL

Is it true? Did you kill the proud robber?DAVID

Daniel how long have you been...?DANIEL puts his arm around DAVID.

DANIEL

Long enough.DAVID

Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Wenna Ball.DANIEL

Then the children are safe?DAVID

It does seem that way!A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.

DANIEL

You are their hero.The children bow to DAVID.

DAVID

There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Wenna Ball will never rob children ever again, is enough for me.DANIEL

You are humble as well as brave!One of the children passes DAVID a mystical ring

DANIEL

I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.DAVID

I couldn't possibly.Pause.

DAVID

Well, if you insist.DAVID takes the ring.

DAVID

Thank you.The children bow their heads once more, and leave.

DAVID turns to DANIEL.

DAVID

Does this mean you want me back?DANIEL

Oh, David, of course I want you back!DAVID smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

DAVID

Well you can't have me.DANIEL

WHAT?DAVID

You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a robber to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.DANIEL

But...DAVID

Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Sara.SARA grins.

DANIEL

But...SARA

You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!DANIEL

David?DAVID

I'm sorry Daniel, but I think you should skidaddle.DANIEL leaves.

SARA turns to DAVID.

SARA

Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?DAVID

Of course you are!The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly SARA stops.

SARA

When I said I still wear nappies, you know I was just trying to distract the robber don't you?THE END