Letters I Never Wrote

II

"Meet me where the end begins, where your world is me, and my world is you." - Perry Poetry

It has been two months since the breakup. I am still not getting any better. I didn't even know how I was able to live on. Each day felt like hell. The ache just gets worse every single day. I wasted a part of my whole six years with him. Those whole years, he had been a big part of me. And just like that, everything's gone. I hated the things I once loved. I hated the places I went with him. I hated everything that reminds me of him. I'm taking a shower right now, the longest since I remember; since ocean and coffee isn't my thing anymore. Yes, I still stalk his profile sometimes and the recent message I sent him was a week ago. He isn't responding anymore. The more I seek to him, the more I pity myself. I realized love is just an idea people tend to believe in, people use this term to describe whatever happiness they feel with a certain person, and worst, they misinterpret other shallow things into believing it's love. And then after, heart break is what you get out of it; it makes your life miserable, breaks your heart into thousand pieces and still each broken part of your heart misses that person. But I still want to live, even when tortured; and I'm glad that these are the kind of thoughts I have. I want to take this break up as an opportunity to find myself.

Early in the morning, I received an email from the book company I am working. I woke up to a congratulatory message telling me my book has been nominated to have a movie adaptation. The email stated that the book I wrote had fans demanding for an adaptation. This is a sudden moment where my face is washed blank with shock, like my brain couldn't function fast enough to take in the information. I don't know what to feel. I read the email again to my disbelief, but damn, it's really true. I have read it right. I couldn't believe my work gained fans. I mean, this is something not to be super proud of since other writers have thousands, and that every book they write seems to catch the hearts of the readers, but, this is the very first book I felt my existence is appreciated as a writer in my entire career. I have written five books, and this is the first one which received recognition. After all these years, I thought writing isn't for me. Yes, I am a writer, but not that famous. And at least in my f****d up life, I still have something I am good at. Although, I actually graduated as a nurse. A nurse that hates seeing blood and injections. I'm glad I survived those years.

"There you are!" I saw Cara waving her hand as she entered the café. Her face showed excitement as she approached me, ready to give me a big hug.

"Congratulations! Oh my God, I'm so proud of you!" I called her this morning and told her about the email. She went like shouting, perhaps more excited than me and told me she'll treat me in our favorite café today.

"Thanks, Cara! Order me a Matcha frappé." The excitement disappeared as her expression turned into a straight face.

"Didn't you eat breakfast?" She rolled her eyes and I smiled and nodded in return. She immediately went to the counter and ordered my Matcha frappé and her Oreo cheesecake milk tea. To my surprise, she also bought some huge sandwich. She's been always like this since we were kids. She's the caring and loving best friend you would always want to have.

"So, when are they gonna tell you about the final result?" She asked and sipped her drink.

"Two weeks from now. I'm kinda nervous, we were asked to write the parts we would want to include in the movie and that's only for a week. Cara. I'm afraid I might mess-" She sealed my lips with her finger.

"Shush...you're a great human. They'll go for your book, I know that." I smiled at her and stared at my frappé.

"I hope so."

"So, how are you?" The question brought my eyes back to her. She has been always asking me the same question over and over after my break up.

"I'm kind of better now."

"Define better."

I laughed at her response. "You know what-" I paused and suddenly thought of my consecutive vivid dreams. "I'm having very vivid dreams these days, it's like real, and-" I looked back at my frappé. "The dreams are very painful that I cry during my sleep." Her face suddenly showed disbelief.

"What do you mean painful? Is it your ex in your dreams?"

"No...it's about a man I haven't met in my entire life and what's weird is that, I always see myself in the same place with that unknown man, crying."

"What? Is that even possible?"

"I don't know. I'm thinking it might be because of my recent break up."

"That's why I have always been telling you to get over your unworthy ex!"

"Unworthy ex? Who's getting over with her unworthy ex?" Our conversation was interrupted when some familiar girl approached our table. Wait, isn't she...

"Oh, Samantha! Don't you know how to greet properly and not just butt in with someone's conversation?" It's the same girl I saw in the bar with Lucas. My face undoubtedly displayed a literal shock when Lucas suddenly appeared before her. Cara managed to block my reaction before my ex could see it. She lightly pulled the hem of my shirt telling me to get back to my senses.

"Lucas? What are you doing here?" Cara asked. The girl raised her eye brows in surprise. Lucas is obviously in shock, too. He might have not expected to see me here as well.

"You know my boy friend?" I'm afraid Cara would pick a fight with her. I don't want my best friend to be the one who does the saving. I have been silent the whole time. I think this is the moment to stand for myself. I tugged her dress lightly, gesturing her to handle the situation to me.

"My, my, so you're my ex's cheap third party?" I said, stepping forward and faced her fiercely. I was able to immediately grab the people's attention with my words. I could also see Lucas's surprised reaction since I do not talk back in public.

"What? Watch your mouth, b***h!"

"That's the truth, is it not?"

"Listen here, you b***h, Lucas chose me. What is so wrong with that? Can't you get over with it?"

"Oh no, no, no! Listen here, you pea brain! You committed into a relationship with this cheap guy while he was still in a relationship with me, you were aware of that! Yet there you are, embracing and confidently committing yourself to him like some cheap second option b***h you are!"

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Samantha is about to pull my hair but Lucas stopped her. "I am never an option, you b***h! Lucas loves me!"

"That's what you want to believe, you s**t!"

"YSABELLA, ENOUGH!" Lucas shouted. I have seen him so angry a lot of times, but it's the first time I have seen him angry with embarrassment. Lucas shouts at me most of the time and he doesn't stop, but this time, I could sense he's holding back.

"Let's just get out of here, Sam." Lucas said trying to drag his girl friend's wrist.

She lifts her hand making it escape from Lucas's and showed me a black invitation letter to my face. "I was just supposed to hand you my birthday party's invitation-" She paused and looked me in the eyes. "-Cara has been a friend of mine, do you remember how big the investment my dad put in your company?" She looks at Cara from head to toe. "-you won't be successful without our money!" She smirked and landed the invitation letter on the table. "I am too kind that I still want to see you at my party, of course that includes you...what's your name again? Oh! The crazy-jealous-b***h who can't get over with her ex?" She turns her back from us and starts to walk away. Lucas followed her without a word. Cara followed them with her eyes, with her arms crossed and her eyebrows, about to meet at the center of her forehead. When they were out of her sight, she turns and faced me.

"Are you okay?"

"I am. How was I?" My question broke her serious face into a laugh.

"That was awesooome! I never thought you could be that bold! I like that!" She hugs me tight.

I let out a sigh. I realized it feels so good to voice out your thoughts and defend yourself from someone who insults you with the same insulting words they throw at you. This is a thing I learned from my break up. I promised myself to never tolerate insults again, never.

Cara grabs the invitation letter and showed it to me. "Let's make sure we attend this party and destroy it with class." She uttered with determination like she has some plan at the back of her mind.

"What do you mean?"

"Let's go shopping!"

It's Sunday night, and it's Samantha's birthday.  I made sure I finished my writing task yesterday so that I could attend this event. Cara says I should really be here because it might be a good thing for me to totally move on; to make an unforgettable appearance in front of my ex and then leave with a smile. I liked her idea. I hope this one would be some kick-a*s revenge to my ex and a deserved closure for myself.

"Are you ready?"  Cara waits for the driver to open the car's door.

"I'm really getting nervous now."

"Don't worry, you look stunning."

Cara gets off the car first, she told me we'll just meet inside the venue. She wanted me to have some solo moment showing off my outfit. After ten minutes, I decided to get off the car. When the driver opened the back seat door, I immediately saw a crowd. This party's huge, telling me how rich that Samantha girl is. I'm starting to agree with Cara's explanation that this is probably one of the reasons why Lucas replaced me with her. She said she's someone who would use power to get someone or something she likes. No wonder she still invited us to be here despite the argument last time. Cara said she wants to get her revenge by showing off her power. I'm not gonna be able to put a fight with her when it comes to wealth, but I am sure I can slay my own way.

I gracefully walked past through the crowd with my stiletto showing off my mermaid silhouette dress Cara chose for me. It's midnight black in color, the dress is long and straight from the top all the way to the middle of my thigh where it flares out into a wide skirt, just like a mermaid's tail. Cara told me it highlights my body figure which I thought is perfect too. She also did my low chignon hairstyle, it's a perfect complement for the dress.

"Wow! She's stunning." I heard someone from the back.

"Do you know her? She looks gorgeous."

"Is she some daughter of someone powerful?"

"I don't know. It's the first time I saw her."

"Perhaps an important friend of Samantha?"

I smiled throughout my way maintaining my posture walking confident in the middle of the crowd. I have never felt so alive after my heart break, and this indeed, is so satisfying.

On my way to finding Cara, my eyes met Lucas's instead; they aren't the cold and angry ones I last saw. I could see sadness, and pain. I am surprised my heart didn't skip a beat anymore. I smiled at him, like it's a normal thing between us. He's about to approach me, but Samantha suddenly showed up. I walked away knowing his eyes were still following my presence, feeling a lot more better.

"Hey gorgeous! Over here!" I finally saw Cara in the midst of the crowd, she's standing near the pool. "Looks like something good has happened."

"I never felt this for a long time, Cara. It's like welcoming a new beginning." Cara smiled and hugged me in an instant, like I didn't need to explain a thing to her because she understands. "I'm so happy for you." She whispered.

The party begins a few minutes later, the host goes to the stage holding the mic.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let us welcome our birthday celebrant for tonight, Samantha Valencia." The crowd applauded as Samantha made her way up to the stage with her princess-like gold shimmering gown. She made a few speech thanking her guests and sits on an elegant chair located in the middle of the platform afterwards.

"To sing for our beautiful celebrant, here's our special guest for tonight who is also Miss Samantha's close acquaintance, Mr. Gabrielle Arcioune." The crowd went wild after hearing the name of the performer, must be a famous celebrity because of course, it's possible with Samantha.

"Bella, don't you know him?" Cara asks.

"Who?"

"Gabrielle Arcioune."

"Uhm, no? Do I have the need to?"

"No wonder you were not surprised when his name was introduced." Cara said chuckling as she shifts her eyes back to the stage. I was left confused so I also shifted my attention unto the stage, and voila! There goes a very attractive and handsome man in front of me.

He's attractive. I don't compliment men, but he is really damn attractive. He has messy dark brown hair, which is thick and lustrous. His eyes are mesmerizing; brown and almond-shaped. His face is strong and defined, his features are that of a typical handsome leading character in a story. He has dark eye brows, which sloped downwards in a serious expression, but has a playful and attractive smile, leaving the audience in awe of the sight. He has the kind of face that stops you in your tracks. I guess he must get used to that, the sudden pause in someone's natural expression when they look his way. I mean, it's obvious since he seems popular.

"Cara, what's his name again?" I unconsciously ask leaving my eyes glued to him.

"You seemed star struck." She giggled. "He's Gabrielle. Gabrielle Arcioune."

You look so beautiful in your dress,

I love your hair like that,

The way it falls on the side of your neck,

down your shoulders and back

When Gabrielle starts to sing with a few lines, his voice is smooth and clear and beautiful. Soothing, in a way. I know you don't really call a guy's voice beautiful, but his is. It is beautiful, and I wish that he would never stop. It's familiar in a way that it feels like home.

After his song rendition, the crowd requested for another. I'm not going to deny I am one with the crowd. Luckily, Samantha seemed so happy that he also demands Gabrielle to sing one more song. The celebrity smiled, and every time he does that, it's heart-dropping. He starts to strum his guitar, but suddenly paused.

"If I may, I would like to sing a song for one of your guests tonight, Sam." Gabrielle requested. Samantha replied him with a half-smile it's as if she doesn't want to say yes. The girls starts screaming, wanting to be picked by the celebrity.

His eyes searched the crowd. He suddenly found mine and held eye contact. My eyebrows immediately raised, asking silently the words, 'ME?'. As he starts to go downstage, I froze in an instant. Everyone's attention shifted to me. He makes his way through the crowd and approaches me.

"I would like to sing a song for this beautiful lady here."