Alpha Raphael’s Second Chance Mate

Chapter 17

NORA

The mate bond is getting harder to ignore.

I don't know when it started becoming this loud. Maybe it was always there and I was too busy surviving to notice it properly. But lately it's always there every single day. Constant. No matter how hard I try, I'm always feeling it.

The constant pull.

The urge to be with him, the constant cravings.

Small things keep happening.

Raphael always knows where I am in the pack. I don't tell him.

Nobody tells him.

He just knows.

I'll be on the east field or near Daniel's office or sitting outside the chambers and within minutes he shows up. Not making a big deal of it.

He's also not saying anything about it.

And I always know when he enters a room before I see him.

Every time.

I don't even have to look up. My body just knows. He's there. Cold and all. Just there.

It's annoying.

Very annoying.

Sera is completely unbearable about it. She has been for days and she's getting worse not better.

I tried to have a good conversation with myself about it this morning. A serious one.

About why accepting this bond is not something I'm ready for.

About why it doesn't matter how the bond feels or what Sera says. About why I need more time and more proof before I hand any part of myself over to anyone again.

That conversation lasts about five minutes before Sera interrupts it.

'You're overthinking it,' she says.

'I'm not overthinking anything,' I tell her.

'I'm being careful.'

'You've been careful for weeks. What exactly are you waiting for?'

'To know him better.'

'You know him already.'

'I know what he shows me. That's not the same thing.'

'It is the same thing, Nora. What he shows you is who he is.'

'Kael showed me things too,' I say and paused to take a deep breath.

One thing is always certain,Kael has instilled in me some fears that I might not be able to overcome. 'In the beginning he showed me everything I wanted to see. And look how that ended.'I added, as pain surges in my heart.

Sera goes quiet after that. But it only lasted for a minute, before she started whining again.

'Raphael is not Kael,' she says.

'I know that.'

'Then act like you know it.'

'Knowing it and being ready for it are two different things,' I tell her. 'And I'm not ready. That's my answer.'

'You're scared,' she says.

'Yes. I am scared. I have every right to be scared. Have you forgotten what happened to us? Have you forgotten that hospital room? The pack elder reading those papers out loud while Lena stood there holding our baby? Have you forgotten any of that?’' I reminded Sera. Of course, she should be reminded of what we went through.

She doesn't respond to that for a while.

I get up and pace around the room. The morning is cold outside the window. The pack is already moving around doing their daily duties. I'm in here arguing with my own wolf about a man who hasn't even said the word mate to my face directly yet.

Funny how that goes.

'He waited outside Daniel's office for you,' Sera says eventually.

'I know.'

'He didn't have to do that.'

'I know that too.'

'He sends food when you skip meals. He shows up when you're outside alone at night. He checked with Daniel three times this week about your health. He's not doing those things because it's his duty.'

'Sera,' I say.

'What.'

'I hear you. I hear everything you're saying. And maybe you're right. But I'm not ready. That's the truth of it and it's not changing today.'I declared.

Nobody would be ready for all these. Especially not someone like me .

Not after everything we went through and not after all the humiliation.

I was on my own thoughts for just a few moments, before Sera asked again.'When will you be ready?'

'I don't know.'

'That's not an answer.'

'It's the only one I have right now,' I say.

She makes a frustrated sound in my head and then goes quiet. Not gone.

She's never fully gone.

I stop pacing and stand at the window.

The pack is moving around outside.

Everyone is going about their activities like every other day.

Wren and Caden crossed the grounds toward the training area, Caden said something and Wren rolled her eyes at him.

Damon is near the main building going through something on a notepad. Daniel is walking toward the hospital.

Then alpha Raphael.

He's Coming out of the main building.

Walking across the grounds with that steady slow pace he always has. He's not rushing.

He was just moving through his pack like every alpha.

He looked up, when he noticed someone was staring at him and in that instant our eyes met from across the grounds.

He doesn't wave.

He doesn't smile either. He just holds the look for a second and then looks away and keeps walking.

My wolf is immediately awake.

'You felt that, didn't you?' she asked.

'Stop,' I tell her.

'You felt it. Don't pretend you didn't.'

'I didn't, stop whining.Do you like him that much?.'

'I'm just pointing out what happened.'

'Point it out one more time today and I'll stop talking to you for a week,' I tell her.

'You can't do that.'

'Watch me.'

She laughs in my head. Like she finds it genuinely funny.

I turn away from the window.

The mate bond is there.

I'm not pretending it isn't.

It's loud and present and it's getting louder every day. And Sera is right about one thing and that is what I feel when Raphael is close to me is not what I felt with Kael.

Not even in the beginning.

Not even when I was most blind to who Kael really was.

But feeling something and being ready to act on it are two completely separate things.

I'm not ready.

My pup is out there somewhere. Growing up without me. That is the thing that matters most. Not the bond.

Not the way Raphael sometimes looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention.

And not anything else.

My pup.

That's the reason I'm still standing.

'He's not going anywhere,' Sera says quietly.

'I know,' I tell her.

'So take your time. But don't take so long that you talk yourself out of something real.'

I don't answer her.

She doesn't push further.

I stand at the window a little longer. The pack moving around outside doing normal things while I stand here carrying everything that is anything but normal.

The bond pulls again.

I feel it.

I turn away from the window and go get ready for the day.