HIM FOR HER

Chapter Four

“What is your biggest wish since forever?”

She removed her eyes from the sky, where the stars were twinkling lovingly at her, to her company. They were sitting down on the swings located in the city’s park. The environment was lovely and calm, and the silence between them earlier wasn’t suffocating. Dare she say it was comfortable. She raised her eyebrow in confusion at the strange question he asked.

Anderson stared wistfully at the dark sky, his eyes reflecting memories from a distant past. She wonders what must be going through his mind. It was the first time she had seen such a forlorn look on him. For the first time, she had looked past her feelings at him and took one long look at him. His shoulders were sagged and a tired look was on his face. He almost looked…lonely.

“This is my favorite view of the night. The stars just covering the sky and blinking with such freedom as if nothing else matters to them. It will be nice to be like them. Nothing to worry about.” A sad expression appeared on his handsome face and Stephanie felt her heart reaching out to him.

What had happened to him? Right that moment, he didn’t look like the popular bright boy that smiles at everyone. It was the total opposite. And as she stared longer at him, she recognized that shadow hovering over him.

“Are you lonely?” Her mouth worked faster than her head and she regretted it immediately.

She heard him chuckle and she looked up confused and curious.

“You are the first person to recognize that.”

Why wouldn’t she? It was her companion.

“Don’t give me that piteous look. It doesn’t look good on you.” He continued.

I don’t need it from you.

I don’t want it from you.

The words weren’t said out loud but they were as clear as a day. Silence fell on them after that. None of them knew what to say, so they allowed the night breeze to accompany them.

“I used to envy you a lot.” She began, keeping her eyes fixed away from him even as she felt his on her.

“You were always surrounded by people. Everyone likes you and wants to be in your presence. I was jealous. No one has given me that kind of attention.” She paused to take a deep breath and to gather her thoughts together before she continued. She didn’t know why she was even telling him her deepest and longest secret. But the words tumbled out of her mouth, as if they had a mind of their own.

“You see, I have been alone since I can remember. My parents died when I was barely six and since then, it has been a rollercoaster journey. I can’t even remember the number of foster homes I have been to, but I started living on my own when I was fifteen. It was very hard surviving a world with no one to give you hope. No one to welcome you with a warm smile at home. No one to eat with. No one to listen to you just talk about how your day went. No one to give you hugs on a very bad day. It was just me.” She chuckled, trying to be nonchalant about everything, but she knew she was lying to herself.

She had always lied to herself every time she comes home to an empty house and tried not to feel bad.

She lies to herself every time she sees her schoolmates being picked up from school and she would tell herself that its nothing special.

She lies to herself anytime she tries to convince herself that she was better off alone and needs no one.

All of that were lies.

Lies. Lies.

She laughed at how piteous she must look right now. She had to open her big mouth and tell the boy she had been crushing on for ages that she was desperate for attention.

What was she expecting? For him to give her attention? For him to say “I am sorry you’ve gone through all these. You poor thing. Go out with me and I promise you won’t feel lonely ever again.” She wanted to laugh at how stupid that sounded and how indeed she looked piteous.

“I always knew you were special. You just proved me right.” She was startled out from her self-depreciating thoughts by his words.

Huh?

“You might not believe me, but you’re the strongest person I have ever met. I would have given up ages ago, if I ever encountered all you've gone through.”

“What kept you going?” He peered at her straight in the eyes as if the truth was hidden there and he wanted to dig it out. She leaned away, startled at the close proximity. He didn’t move away and continued looking at her, waiting for an answer.

“I… don’t know,” she stuttered out, obviously affected by his intense aura. Her heart was hammering behind her chest and she worried he might hear it. That night was too much for her. It was the closest she had come to him, except those awkward meetings at the café and the corridor. Her nose was able to smell him this close and he really smells nice. It won’t be bad if she just leaned in a little and get a bigger sniff. He won’t mind. Right?

“Why won’t you ask me out?” She flinched at the question, startled out of her wits. She had lost count of how many times she had done that since the past hour.

“What?” she asked, alarmed.

“I mean, it’s obvious you like me. But I am curious as to why you haven’t done that yet.”

He was sincerely looking at her and Stephanie knew he wasn’t mocking her or anything.

“You’re used to getting everything you want, no?” she scoffed lightly, stretching her legs, the swing moving with the movement.

“No. I am just wondering why you’re holding yourself back from going for something you want.” Stephanie almost believed him with how easy it sounded coming from his lips.

“Life isn’t always that easy. You should know that.”

“I know, but why complicate things? Some things are meant to be as easy as they look, but humans always choose the hardest way.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“If I had done that, you would have agreed, right?” It was her turn to peer at him.

“Of course, I would.”

“And then what?”

Anderson was confused. “What do you mean by that?”

“If you agree to go out with me, what happens after that? You won’t possibly go out with me anytime I want. Besides, you can’t give me what I want. You will just see me as those girls that hang round your shoulders every day and it’s not what I want.”

She would probably blame and curse at herself later once she gets home for wasting such an opportunity. But that moment, she felt the bravest she had ever felt since she became aware of the world around her. He probably shared the same thought with her cause he was staring at her with a flabbergasted look. She ignored him in favor of staring back at the twinkling heavenly bodies, throwing them once more, in another fit of silence.