I'm Not In Love

Chapter Five

"Oh Anna , how are you", the doctor, doctor Sam greeted her as he looked up from the book he was reading.

"I'm hoping you would tell me doctor, how am I?", I asked, taking a seat in front of the doctor's ocean-of-papers desk. Doctor Sam was my family's doctor. He was old enough to be my dad, with his salt and pepper hair in a sleek cut. Beneath those pair of glasses were calm and patient set of sea blue eyes. Probably why I like him more.

He looked at me and smirked, to my retort. Those blue eyes were carefully laid on me. He was obviously taking his time .

"Where is your mum, Anna?"

Uh oh... Why, what's wrong?. "She's at work" I replied ,breathe in and out, ".. Why, what's wrong", I had to say what was on my mind.

"Uh ..I  need to talk to her."

"Please talk to me!" ,I said almost too quickly ,with my hands banged on his table. Fear was over me, my heart was already pounding as if I had known I was about to hear a bad news. I swallowed hard and composed myself, once seeing the doctor's startled look. "Talk to me doctor... Mom isn't around, and I...I own my body , I need to know what is going on. I deserve that . So please." , I said, my head bowed, I couldn't look at the doctor in the face. And I think I was already starting to sweat.

The doctor sat upright, heaved a sigh and brought out both hands on the table. He looked like he was taking his time, checking if there could be a right way to put his words... But Gawd what was he going to say.

"It's your nerves Anna." He finally said, and I looked up, waiting for him to continue. What's wrong with my nerves. s**t!. " It's a defect like your nerves are ... Degenerating". He said carefully and rested his eyes on me.

I swallowed hard. The rate at which my heart was pounding at that moment felt as if it were going to pop out of the rib cage. My mouth was just hung agape.

"They are... Dying, bit by bit".

What?!... Wait what.. What is that supposed to mean. "What does that mean, am I also dying?, will I also be dying bit by bit..."

"No calm down, Anna. You are not dying anytime soon, trust me. Just calm down and let me explain okay? " , The doctor stressed, one hand stretched to put me in a position.

I looked like s**t at that moment .I looked hysterical. I was sure of it. My face was all squeezed up in worry. I didn't even know what to think at that moment...like f**k!, What was i supposed to think. But I settled in the chair calmly so the doctor could continue. I was sure he knew I was feeling s**t in me .

"Okay. So Anna,it's only a defect, and you will start experiencing some symptoms like feeling numb in your hands and feet, like you already are, you'll become clumsy , some changes in your vision, you could have basiphobia,which is the phobia of falling... And memory lots at times" , doctor Sam listed carefully.

So that is why I forgot about going to Prime today. But then I sensed there were more symptoms than he was saying.

But gawd, Neuro what?

But I was strong, I was not going to break down there instead I was going to find out all I needed to. "How doctor, how did this get to happen, I mean..."

The doctor took off at that,"we checked your brain, Anna , but the skull seems okay and every other thing. So I didn't think it was brain injury, or did you ever hit your head on something or had an accident?"

    "No no doctor, I have never hurt my head or been in an accident". I said frantically. I was so sure of it.

    "Exactly my thought. So it's probably due to stress or it's genetic". The doctor concluded.

     It was stress. Mum and I were actually the ones paying the bills at home. I started part-timing at 14. I had almost 4 part-time jobs then . Everyday most of my schedules ran around my part-time job. Although mum had complained, tried to stop me and assure me she would work enough and fend for the family. It was like I could see the stress mum was going through . She was actually working for a small media firm, so the income was small,I just felt like I needed to join the grind. And last year's hustling was really crazy, and hectic, I even fell sick due to the stress. I figured it was all that coupled up to the nerves acting up and whatnots.

          I was only staring at the doctor, into the void of nothing...but I was sure anyone could decode that I was quivering inside.

      I shifted on my seat and continued carefully, " it is treatable...right?"

   I tried to sound optimistic

    " Why of course, it is Anna." Doctor Sam said too quickly ,and dimmed ," although it's treatment depends on the stage you are in".

       He sat upright and skimmed through the pile of files on his table, and brought out a particular paper, and he hand it to me.

"Fortunately, you are at the second stage. It's treatable through rehab or medications, which are expensive,if you'll ask me. But going into the fourth stage, you'll be needing surgery", doctor sam said,"so you pick how you want your treatment"

I let that sink for a moment.

My mind is not in a piece anymore. I have been torn into pieces.

I broke a sigh. A series of "why" questions ran through my mind. Why me?  Why now?  Why at all?  Why?!.

If I start feeling numb,then what about dancing?.

What about my career?. I'm still 19

    Doctor Sam's phone beeped twice and he checked. His eyes grew large at first and then he looked troubled.

Something must have happened.

He stood up and scribbled something on a clean sheet of paper and handed it to me.

    "Duty calls,Anna. Call this number, Stein is a renowned neurologist. A good friend of mine, he can help you. I'm doing this cause I've seen you dance and I'm a big fan. Nora likes you too, she's been thinking of dancing these days . So I think it would be a waste of talent if anything happens to you. Please call me if you have any questions or problem, okay." He grabbed his stethoscope and stuffs and made to leave, "ps please make sure you act fast".

And he was gone.

My phone also bepeed twice. It was Ralph this time .

      Come on Anna it's our first day and our leader is late. Where are you?

I sighed and sniffed in.

I have duty calls too.

But it was unfair, I wasnt even allowed to cry.

       I barged into the office in a rush , breathing like an Olympic athlete. I had just ran up the emergency stairs, missing my way two times before a lady directed me to the chairman'ss office.

I was late, really late,and they were angry.

I looked around and oh! It looked like someone's funeral. But no one spoke.

I could only stand stupidly by the door.

   "Anna?"

I turned to the direction of the bass voice. It was the chairman's. He was looking fourty something,with his rough bearded face. He had hazel eyes, I see bossy behind those eyes. The way he sat comfortably and in control like he was the king of the world

I nodded and dropped my face.

By then,I had caught my breath, and I could only wish he wouldn't dismiss me for delaying the meeting and wasting his time. I mean this guy looked capable of doing anything at that moment.

Trev rose up abruptly. That scared the s**t out of me. But he only went over to the chairman and spoke to his ear.

I couldn't even look at everyone in the face. My neatly-ponytailed hair was now a mess from all the run, there were blue strands coming out of place,lazing down my face and I just had to shift some out of my eyes.

Trev eyed me dubiously as he went back to his seat. I knew I was going to have an earful from him when all this was done.

Whatever Trev had said to this big guy must have softened him because he didn't look like he was going to murder me anymore.

    He sighed softly, " I'll just get to the point now that you're here. Seat"

Like I said , bossy.

I was actually going to seat but someone had a qualm with that.

    "You're becoming more lax Steve."

That stopped me in my track.

The voice was coming from my right and as I  turned to see .... It was Trap.

   Ohmymotherfuckinggosh it was f*****g trap!!

I couldn't say that out loud, you can imagine me bottling up my excitement as I saw California's top rap idol.

I have never thought I'd be able to experience taking someone in all at once, but I did. It was brief and quick, like when you screen shot an image into your brain.

I took trap in at once.

From his luxuriant,sheen,white hair falling in neat bangs ,to his perfectly carved brows. His emerald green eyes. His straight sharp nose. Those pink lips that I want to nibble on.

But how the f**k did his white hair adorably matched his green eyes. It made him look so goddamn hot.

He had two ear piercings that complimented his oval face.

The way he wore a black jeans jacket over a peach top, and his skin tight trouser.And those sick white sneakers.

Lawd! I could die for one of those- I said to myself

   Screw that Anna. You're in a mess already and you could think of sneakers?, You can screenshot him, great why don't you become an Android!

My mind scolded me

I  was standing in front of California's biggest artist. My celeb crush.

  "Wow", he whispered, "you must be such a big deal to have kept busy guys like us waiting for three HOURS!", He laid emphasy on that word , and it looked like I had just committed the biggest crime in history. His glares were shooting lasers, and I wished I could just vanish into thin air.

I bit my lower lip,  God knows I am sorry. I didn't mean to arrive late.

Trap sighed and turned to Steve, "I can't wait anymore for all this Steve. Say all your whatnots but I'm outta here" , he said and intentionally bumped my shoulder on his way out.

   f**k what was that?.

He was the definition of arrogant, rude and proud. But why do I still f*****g love that side of his.

He was just as the media proved him to be. He wasn't faking anything.

But I felt like something stung me. I felt bad.

"Hey Trap!, Yo wait up!", Nick shouted and followed him

"  we're so sorry Steve", Nike apologized and made for the door too , " we'll see around barbie",  he said to me with a smirk and left.

Oh Nick and Nike, what have I done?

" I'm sorry everyone, something urgent came up. Please forgive me"

I saw Steve smirk.

" Just sit down and let's get this over with", Steve said  and addressed us only.

Chris pov

"The hell was that for Trap ?! , That was harsh " , Nick's voice broke into the studio.

Trap flared up,"I mean could you imagine we got held up in there for three hours straight, three!. And even Steve could not find that annoying. The f**k was that?'' , he exhaled heavily as he replied, brought out his phone and started pressing something, " if it were to be trap ,I'm sure he would still be exploding curse bombs at me"

" But still she could have had something urgent to do. I mean we f*****g ditch stuffs at times. As a matter of fact we get late for our schedules some times." , Nike put in.

He was sitted on the am of the plum black sofa opposite the drum set, looking from one man to the other.

" Yeah man. And on top of that you left Steve's office like that. That's just s**t"

"Then f**k that s**t, okay",trap replied, " truth is she was f*****g late and I won't take that." He said and threw up his arms in the air , "Now are  y'all gon stop this or you're gonna go on talking and defending that girl. I mean we have a concert in less than two months." Trap countered.

He wouldn't stand there and let them blame him for being harsh to a girl who was responsible for delaying the meeting. He never got held up by people, not even a girl.

And besides it was not his first time of dissing people,why were they defending the girl too much.

    "Fine, but fix that shitty attitude of yours" , Nike said

   Nick stood up from the sofa. There was no convincing him,and that was trap, he would not admit his mistakes.

He had done it to them too, not once , not twice.

They had gone days without talking, and it even got to the media till it was months and Steve deemed it fit to put an end to their misunderstanding.

       They were friends after all,they were used to each other.

Nick took the bass guitar from it's case and plugged it . while Nike and trap grabbed the mic and they started rehearsing.

     Trap was twenty nine with only a week older than the twins. And their relationship was like the peas in a pod. They had been together for almost eleven years and they were mature enough to let things break their bond .

Even if it were a girl.

    But the boys didn't know that sometimes fate decide to play games with us.