I'm Not In Love

Chapter Seven

        Reality dawned on me.

I had taken a plane flight back to Florida with my team. Trev had booked for our flight back and left us to our fate.

     Home was where everything got to me. I kept replaying everything doctor Sam had said to me.

    "Its your nerves, like your nerves are... Degenerating"

I mean why the f**k that?. I was just nineteen. I was supposed to be enjoying my legal age, having a carefree life. Making couple goals with my boyfriend, and oh!...

     I haven't had my first kiss.

My life was so screwed up. All my life ,I have never had time for myself. My daily routine revolved round school,dance, my part-time jobs (about 3 of them), and home . No night out parties. No dates . No make up sess with my friend. No craziness.

    f**k, the hell have I been doing.

But if I look back at my family and how we are surviving, I realized my hard work was worth it after all. And I wasn't going to give up on them.

Not even if I was sick.

     But I had to take care of myself first. I should talk to the doctor, doctor Sam told me about. Before it became too late.

      I sighed , palmed my face and roughly tousled my blue hair in a messy manner. I remember meeting my idol.

     " Wow...you must be such a big deal to have kept busy guys like us waiting for THREE HOURS!!..."

  I guess he hates my guts now

     "Earth to Anna Luke", Amy said.

Oh,right. Amy came over to my place,to celebrate my win. We were going to have a sleepover at my place before I leave for California tomorrow.

Amy was so excited when she heard the good news. And when I told mum, she was more than excited.

      "Spill it", she said,as she helped mum set the table for dinner.

      Apparently, mum had called later in the day and I filled her in on my big hit. She was so happy that she ditched an exclusive interview with some rich dude, to celebrate my win. Her word though,not mine.

      Summer on the other hand couldn't resist some hashtags hinting that her sister would be dancing with super stars or whatever she called it. Desperately chewing and popping the bubble gum in her mouth. Very slutty.

      "Who said you could chew gum that way, summer?"I demanded

   She threw me a glance ,"who says I can't chew gum the way I like ?".

My eyes widened.

     "That is no way to talk to your sister, summer. Now throw the gum away and come help me with these.", Mum said at once. Once, was enough to bring her to her senses.

     She stood up hesitantly and shot me laser glares before walking away.

    Spoilt much.

"No escaping Anna, spill it",  Amy probed, she was done with setting the table,so she slammed on the sofa right next to me.  "What were you thinking of so hard?", She asked more serious this time.

       I couldn't look into those intense grey eyes that resembles her mum's.

I sighed. I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my newly discovered illness. It woluld kill her to the last core.  I couldn't tell mummy either, I couldn't tell anyone.Mum didn't have a fat bank account, she'ld break down for sure. Then we would have to deal with both mum and I.

     So not going to happen.

"You Know...I'm going to miss you and everyone. I should visit grace too" I lied.  But then it wasn't entirely a lie. I was going to miss everyone and the neighborhood. I grew up here.

Everything was going to be new.

       Amy surprised me as she engulfed me in a big bear hug, smiling. " My little girl is all grown up.  But you don't have to worry, mummy's got your back. I'll be in Calif next week just in time for college."

I hugged her back and smiled.

Me , Amy ,Daniel, Kate and Tunner ,had submitted our papers to the same college. And hopefully,in a way I was so grateful for. We all happened to gain admission and school starts next week.

I mean it was surreal at first, but then,I guessed it happened for  a reason. Why we chose a university in Calif and why we all got picked, must have happened for a reason. Now nothing was going to stop our work with PRIME.

      "Speaking of college,are you guys... ready?...I mean college is a whole new place . The courses, projects ,you know", mum said. She put down the last Tupperware of chicken soup on the table and beckoned us to come and eat.

      Amy scrambled away from me excitedly to the island counter

"Well" Amy and I said together. She laughed and I could only smile.

      "Actually I'm nervous,what if.." I was saying but mummy cuts me off.

"No what ifs sweetheart.. you're all going to make it.Just trust yourselves and focus on your studies.everything will be alright, okay?"

      I smiled and nodded. And I saw Amy did the same thing. For some reason I can't say, that made me feel at ease.

"Now come over,let's eat", mummy said

        I obliged. I was actually hungry, haven't eaten anything since morning. I dug into the veggie salad, and some fried fish.

       God...I am so going to miss mum's cooking.

   I kept eating,savouring each bite. This might be mummy's last food I'll eat for a while.

            "I guess sum will be seeing more of me lately. I can't possibly leave my beautiful daughter alone in this house, now can I?", Mum said with a smile,busy with cutting her chicken part.

        Summer groaned,"I can take care of myself mum. I'm a grown up now."

     " I think that'll be better mum. Sum needs someone to keep her in place". I said and stared at those eyes burning holes in me.

       Summer is supposed to be our little princess and a charming one , except that she was only charming and at times I feel like she always act above her age. Like she was becoming more weird. But she was so cute and adorable when she was little. Always loved to follow me around and do stuffs with me, mostly dance. But then she changed all of a sudden, started with social medias.. and now she was an addict. Me and mum were to blame for that, we were never around to correct her, and tell her what's wrong. And then one day I noticed she was saying bitchy words. I mean Sum is just fourteen, she shouldn't be saying those.

      Now that mummy was going to be around almost all the time, at least maybe she'll start changing . A real sense of change.

     After the meal, Amy and I did the washing, Summer went to her room. And mummy was in the living room working on her laptop.

      Mummy was trying, she was really working hard. Being a journalist, means that she needs to find all means possible to update the news room of a juicy and worthy news. Her crumb-like pay was nothing compared to the bill at home. I'm sure she doesn't even have time for herself too. Women her age go shopping with their friends, cruise around the world, go to the spa and salon. But mummy didn't have the luxury. She always thought that her daughters comes first. And so she was working her butt off day and even in the night.

     I'm so going to pay her back in tenfolds. In ways she never expected. Give her the life she deserved. And make her proud of me. I was going to give my all, even with my last breath.

   "So...how is trap. Did you get to touch him, y'know.. feel his god-like skin. Did you squeal. Like, God I'll definitely faint if I should see him. Did he smile at you"

Amy hasn't even seen him, she was squealing already. She would definitely faint like she had said, if she should see him.

      "I screwed up Amy" I said dejectedly, with a big sigh." I don't even dare touch him now. I delayed the meeting for three hours and now I'm sure he hates me".

      "Oh.. poor you,come here", she hugged me and I hugged her back. I guess I needed this. She gently rubs my back and comforted me. Just like that, no questions on why I was late. Nothing. Just a shoulder to lean on on days like this. I love Amy.

     We finished washing the plate and decided to talk with mummy. I won't be seeing her for a long time after tomorrow.

     I touched her shoulder and was about to massage it when my hands failed me.

    My eyes bulged. And my heart hammered against it's cage. Did she notice?.

    I couldn't move it,it just lay on her shoulder like that.

God no no...she mustn't know

     10...11....12...13...14...15....16...17...18..19..20..

   "What are you doing there Anna, come sit down", Amy waved me over to sit with her. She didn't notice, I sighed.

    My heart beat reduced. I hope at this rate I won't have a heart attack or high blood pressure.

    "It's okay honey, sit" , mummy said, and instinctly touched my numb fingers. I don't know how, but that moment my hands picked up ,and it wasn't numb again.

    I forced a weak smile.

That was a great safe.

Then I walked over to sit across Amy. Mummy closed the laptop she was working on and focused on us.

     She looked tired and had some faint dark circles in her eyes. Probably from not having enough sleep.

      "You girls are all grown up now. Look at you" mummy said, her voice booming with pride. She was smiling. I love it when mummy smiles.

    "You know college is fun and all, until you start meeting people. You guys need to be really careful. Friends can either make or break you. "

"Actually Amy will be my only friend"

"Actually Anna will be my only friend"

We both said and burst out laughing.

Mummy joined in.

   "This is the second time you guys are doing this", mum said still laughing.

"Yeah, I know. You know it's like that when you know someone too well,and you just click like that", Amy said

"Well I'm glad you guys found each other"

I looked at Amy and she was smiling at me. That touched my heart , and I could only smile.

The living room was small and dim lit. I looked up at the grandmother clock and it was pretty late. I should start packing my stuffs now,so I wouldn't be late for my afternoon flight tomorrow.

     I took that as a cue,went over to mum and hugged her.

She was surprised at first, but then I felt her body relaxed and she hugged me back.

      Amy fake coughed "can I...you know join in" .

      "Get your ass here silly", I whispered, nudging her over.

She joined in excitedly and mum held us both.

      "I'm going to miss you two"

I couldn't say anything, if I say anything I would cry, so I did not say anything. I would surely miss her.

"We will miss you too , lumi", Amy responded.

"We will go now mum. You should sleep early ". I told her, but seeing the hesitancy in her eyes I knew she would probably be working late.

So we left her and went off to my room.

  "So how's your adventure coming up" ,I said sarcastically, opening my wardrobe, and folding clothes into a rather small suit case.

    I didn't have much clothes. Just some dancing kits, trousers and tank tops. Some roundnecks and shorts.

     Amy knocked a pillow at me, she knew I was mocking her and I laughed.

    "No matter what you say I'm not giving up Anna. I'll find that journal"

"Exactly,you do that". I replied. This time there was no mistaking the mock in my tone.

      Amy sat upright on my bed at once. At first I thought she was going to come at me, but she just bent over to pick a cloth and started folding.

Whew..

     " Strange seems to be in Calif though. I can only start my adventure when I get there" she ranted.

"I guess my adventures starts in Calif too" I whispered.

         I packed my sneakers neatly inside another 'case. My headphone,ear plugs, chargers..and some other stuffs.

     "I don't want to live alone Anna",Amy said all of a sudden. She was looking down at the torn carpet, she looked sad.

      I dropped the cloth in my hand and dropped on the bed. There was nothing I could do. I wish Steve could just bring her in with us, but what's the probability of that. The dorm wasn't for anyone but staffs.

Staffs!- I just have an idea.

    "Amy what if we get you a job in PRIME?"

That got Amy. Her eyes widened and her smile was reaching her ears.

If things work out as planned, Amy would get into  PRIME and she would live with us in the dorm.

     "Let me do the packing master". Amy hollered with a dramatic bow.

I laughed at that and relaxed on the bed. It was a long long day. And even more to come.