Chapter 32I can't settle down so I clock watch as I pace the floor asking myself `what if'. What if he phones and threatens me? What if he says he'll harm Patricia? What if he arrives at the door instead of telephoning? What if he sets fire to my house? What if he won't take no for an answer? A person can drive themselves mad with what ifs.
The minutes' tick by. I'm fatigued, I feel drained, but still I pace. “Ring,” I scream at the phone. “Ring, why don't you? I want this to be over.” I pour myself a brandy. “Stay calm,” I say to the empty room. “You're no use to anyone if you don't stay calm.”
At precisely two o'clock the telephone rings, and I run across the room to answer it.
“Hello,” I say. “Who is it?” I'm trying to sound calm, but my stomach is churning and my gut is on fire.
“I
