His Blind Mate

Chapter 12 Troubles And Us

Luan

    “What on Goddess’s name were you thinking, convincing Helia to let you off the mission?” Reire sounded exasperated.

“I just don’t understand why she wants me to do this,” I replied as I reached for the ring Kyhan gave me. Leila had been quiet since yesterday for some reason and wouldn’t talk to me, which was just fine.

“There’s something you have to know.” Reire paused for a second before she continued. “We’re pairing up with the wolves from the Moonstone Pack. Each partner gets one vehicle and we’ll be taking three different routes. The third is extra precaution … just in case something goes wrong.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. “We’re just leaving the Circle for Moonstone. Even rogues stay clear of the territory.”

She sighed. “Luan, I can’t tell you the details because I’ve an Order.”

“An Alpha Order?” I all but shrieked.

“Yes, keep your voice down,” she hushed. “Last week, Helia called me in a meeting with Alpha Liam and his high ranks, Beta Gale and Head Gamma Rigel.”

I could hear my heart pounding from excitement. I’d never met any of the high ranks of the Red Claw Pack. I only met Leo, who was the gamma in charge of the pack when all three were absent.

“From the meeting, it was decided to raise security in the Red Circle and all allied packs. Other sisters have been sent to assist smaller packs.”

“So we have to be careful,” I said. “Part of the assignment. Explain to me how this is related to the pairings and please tell me I’m paired with you or Penny or Yula.”

Reire’s silence was concerning. “I’ve agreed to join the decoy convoy. Penny and Head Gamma Siel will join me. Yula and Raphael will join yours. I need to keep you safe and as much as I hate to admit it, you’re safest with him.”

“What!” I grabbed her wrist and forced her to a stop. “Are you serious, Reire? I’m safest with him?”

“He’s an Alpha,” she answered. “For the duration of this mission, he’s the safest for you to be around with. His alliance with Alpha Liam has his hands tied - if he does anything to you, I’m meeting Alpha Liam in person after I cut off your mate’s balls.”

“Reire, you can’t be serious.”

“Two of his men were on guard last night just outside our borders. Earlier this morning, they’ve been reported as missing. He can’t reach them via mind link, but Alpha Kyhan insists they’re still alive.”

“Which means there’s wolfsbane where they’re being kept captive.”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Why am I learning this now?” I have been with them since last night.

“Ow!” I rubbed my forehead from the sting. She just flicked my forehead!

“You’re overthinking again, Lue.” Reire chuckled. “If you didn’t sneak out to meet with Helia, you would’ve been at the briefing with Alpha Kyhan.”

Understandable. “So why wasn’t Helia part of the briefing?”

“You were all my responsibility the moment she assigned us to the mission, Lue,” she explained. “Don’t worry about Helia. Nothing gets past her. Nothing.”

I tightened my grip on my mechanical bow. It was more suited for missions than the traditional one that I prefer to use for practice. “Anything else I should know about?”

My boot stepped down on an unnaturally rough surface - concrete. We’d reached the road, which means we’d just passed the borders.

“Yeah,” she said. “We’re here.”

I frowned at the very useful piece of advice. “Very funny, Reire.”

His scent stood out from among the rest. There were other scents too and judging from the gasps, the pack members were surprised to see me.

“You’re late,” he said as we approached. “The first convoy left twenty minutes ago. We’ll be using the main road as planned. They’re waiting for you on the other route, Reire.”

I silently took a deep breath to calm myself. I would not let any of the Moonstone wolves see me as a weakling ever again. Reire wouldn’t have done this if she had an option. Siel must’ve done or said something that forced her hand.

“I’m just a link away,” her wolf said in my head, making me smile.

“Let’s go,” said Alpha Kyhan. “You’re with me, Luan.”

I nodded and followed his scent. It was too early in the day to let him get to me. Judging from their scents and from the sound of the car door opening, I confidently walked over to the sound.

“Watch your head,” he said as I got in. He placed his hand on top of my head as if to shield it just in case I do something stupid and utterly embarassing. Thankfully I didn’t.

A split second later, he was already beside me. It was even worse in such a confined space. It was spearmint everywhere!

I clicked my tongue in annoyance. Leila just knew when to make her presence known. A true traitor. Only when her mate was within reach was she showing herself, and worse, she was howling in pure joy. I placed the bow on my lap as I tapped on my thigh, waiting for the car to start.

“It’s probably best if we put your bow at the backseat,” he said. “Reire left your arrows with us after the briefing.”

As expected of her.

Although reluctant, I handed him my bow.

“Well? Take it.”

“Uh … thanks,” he said, sounding unsure. I heard doors close and open before he was once again on the driver's seat.

I placed a hand on the glass then I slid it back, feeling for the seatbelt.

“Let me help you with that,” he offered. I felt his body close to mine, and his eyes on my face as he slowly pulled the seatbelt across my chest. Spearmint … It was ironic how a soothing scent could belong to someone filled with violence.

“He’s not violent,” Leila argued.

“Please … Sparkles … give me a break.”

“If you would just listen to -”

“No.” I raised my wall to block her.

Hearing the click was a relief. The engine roared, and I took a deep breath. Soon we were on the road with an awkward silence between us. I felt like I should say something. I wanted him to say anything.

Like why was he suddenly treating me like I was nobody? And why do I even care! Screw him! This is exactly the kind of treatment I want from him.

I laid my head back and let my body relax, turning to look at the window like I could see the view outside. Sparkles scratched at the wall between us. Sorry. Not in the mood.

“I have to tell you something,” Alpha Kyhan said out of the blue.

“What?”

“I’ve ordered the pack to engage with you as they would a guest, including your brothers,” he said. “You’ll have your own quarters with your sisters for privacy but meals are served in the communal dining hall. Of course, if you prefer to dine in your quarters, I can make it happen.”

“Aiding allies strengthen relationships among packs. Thank you for the offer, Alpha Kyhan, but I’d rather forge relations.”

“Call me Ky.”

“It’s inappropriate.”

He sighed. “We’re alone.”

“Our ranks don’t change.”

“What rank?” he growled. “You’re my Luna. We’re equals, Lue.”

I crossed my arms. “Luna?” I scoffed. “Need I remind you that we have a deal, Alpha. My mind hasn’t changed on what I want.”

He let out a low growl, a clear sign that I’d successfully pulled one over him. “Let’s address the elephant in the room. What exactly happened to you that day, Lue? Why didn't you return?” he asked, sounding irritated and exhausted.

“Like you don’t know what you did,” I spat . “What you all did.”

Kyhan let out a huge sigh as if to calm himself. “Luan, talk to me. I don’t understand why you would do something like that. I’d been playing it over and over again in my head - everything that happened that morning, everything that happened those days we were together. Luan, I thought we were happy. I know I was happy with you.”

I bit my lower lip. What sort of sick trick is this? How could he not know what he did? I shook my head. A sudden dread filled me along with hope as something lit in my head that I hadn’t considered before. Could I have been wrong? The question echoed demanding an answer.

I couldn’t have been wrong. It was all fake. He hurt me. They all did. There was no point in thinking this over and doubting myself. And yet my heart ached and yearned for his words to be true ... and for mine to be wrong.

“I shouldn't have left you alone that day,” he said. I felt a painful throb in my chest and it wasn’t mine. Kyhan. “I should’ve taken you to the office with me.”

“Ky,” I forced myself to say, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

"I understand why you might not want to - I won't justify what they did to you. It was wrong. They shouldn't have treated you like the way they did." Kyhan breathed deeply. I could hear the turmoil in his voice and felt that there was more coming. "But before you reject me, Luan Laister, don't you think that as your mate, I at least deserve closure?"

Closure - I knew why my brothers were furious at me. For a long time, I blamed myself. I believed I deserved it for forgetting what happened to Mom and Dad. I couldn't even remember what they looked like. All I knew is that they were kind and loving parents and I was happy.

The pack mistreated me because my brothers, who were well respected and eventually became high ranks, which was expected of them, didn't care for me. They led the pack to believe I was what they described me to be - useless and weak. For a long time, I beleived that I was.

They couldn't avenge our parents, the pack's previous Beta and Head Gamma, because I couldn't remember what happened then.

At least I knew why. What about him? Is he telling the truth or is this just another game?

I kept my mouth shut and let silence take hold. At times I felt his gaze on me but brushed it off.

Leila wouldn't stop scratching at my walls. Finally tired of it, I let it down.

"I already know what you're going to say," I told her.

"Mate is hurting," she said.

"I know."

"You can feel his pain. The bond has grown stronger."

I clicked my tongue. When we were apart, there were times when I felt an overwhelming sense of yearning in my chest like someone had lost a loved one. It couldn't have been anybody else but him. When it became unbearable, it made me cry.

But I didn't want to doubt my resolve.

"You forced yourself to believe that he wanted us dead. I believed you," she said, whimpering. "Our mate loves us, Luan. Why won't you let yourself see it?" 

"I'm afraid, Leila," I admitted. "When I was with him, it was bliss but how long will it last? He's an Alpha. The pack needs him and looks up to him. I was just a blind girl who happened to be his mate."

"I won't force you into anything," said Alpha Kyhan, interrupting us. "I made a promise years ago. But I hope you'll reconsider. Use your wildcard to make me accept your rejection, but please let me know why. I just want to know."

"Leila?" I asked. There was no response from her. No whimper, no growl, no howl. I was greeted with silence in my head. Leila was gone and Alpha Kyhan felt distant - rightly so.

Two years had been too long. Maybe ... It was time we put this to end and get it over with.

"Kyhan -" I began, thinking of where to start. "You said everyone was in the training grounds that day. Why did my brother show up right when Raphael and I were just by the river?"

"It was my mistake. I should've issued an Alpha Order," he replied. "Samuel chose to disobey."

"An Alpha Order for the entire pack would've exhausted you."

"It would've kept you safe."

"I was never safe in your pack," I said. "I never would've been as long as my brothers were around. Why do you still have them around?"

He spoke slowly as if weighing his every word. "I can't speak for your brothers. But when you got into that accident, they were the ones who brought you to the pack clinic and threatened the nurses that it'll be their last shift if they didn't bring you back to them. They were worried and guilty, and they wouldn't let anyone else near you, including me and I was just declared the new Alpha. I had to tell them we were mates before I was allowed in your room."

"Hypocrites," I said bitterly.

"I sensed that they were keeping something from me. Everyone in the pack avoided talking about you whenever I brought your name up in a conversation." He paused for a few seconds as if gauging my reaction. I was busy running my thumb over the smooth side of the ring, sometimes feeling the bumps on one side.

"That was when your wolf reached out to mine. Then my wolf told me everything."

"If you knew then why do you still have them in the pack and as your Beta and Head Gamma? They must be indispensable."

"They earned their positions, Luan," he said. "It wasn't just handed over to them."

I clenched the ring in my hand. They didn't deserve it. A high rank who earned their place wouldn't abuse their authority.

"When you disappeared, they were miserable. We all were. Raphael kept me on my feet out of duty. The pack was ... vulnerable."

"I'm sure I wasn't missed."

"But you were," he insisted, sounding pained. "Your brothers wanted to go rogue to look for you. I - I missed you. Kai missed you. And for the longest time, we tried to convince ourselves that you've found a new life for yourself where we could never reach you. You aren't far now. I can reach out and touch you right here and now."

"Don't ... you dare."

"And yet you're still out of reach."

"Can you blame me?"

He sighed. "No."

As I played with the ring, I tried to reach my wolf but she had chosen to ignore me. Every time I needed her support on something that involved our mate, my head was silent.

"So what happened that day, Luan?" he asked.

"I drowned." This was why I hated reliving anything about the old days - there was nothing good about them. But if I was being honest with myself, those times when I was with him were the exception. 

"You could've returned to us ... to me."

"Why?" I replied. "I had nothing in the pack."

"Luan, you had me!" he said, his voice raised a little. "What about me? Us? Did I mean nothing to you? Didn't I - Didn’t I matter?"

Why ... Why does it sound like I’m the bad guy? Why does he sound like me?

I couldn't think of an answer ... or was I lying to myself?

Kyhan sounded enraged and hurt. And I was the cause. "Has it never crossed your mind that I loved you?" he asked softly.

Loved.

"This was all in the past. Nothing's changing what was done."

No... I don't think this is what I want to say.

“Nothing will change the fact that you left me alone with Raphael."

I can't stop.

"Samuel showed up. The timing was too convenient. There was nobody around."

Why doesn't this sound right?

"You wanted me dead."

I felt a stab in my heart when I spoke those words  but the next that left my mouth was a scream. The car came to a sudden stop that I lurched forward on my seat, the seatbelt saving me from hitting my head.

"What?" he growled, low and angry. "I wanted you dead?"

Stupid move. I was now trapped in a car with an angry Alpha. Just great, Luan.

His hand cupped my cheek, making me flinch. "Do I scare you ... mate?" he asked mockingly.

I turned my head to look away from him, his hand warm against my skin and made me feel the proof of our bond.

"Look at me," he ordered.

I couldn't. It felt like the beating of my heart would give me away, would tell him that I did have feelings for him all along. Feelings that I'd never acknowledge because I feared the consequences. Two years, I'd been in hiding.

As his warm breaths fanned my ear, it felt like he'd see through my delicate shell and finally uncover just how broken I was inside.

"Look at me," he whispered as he gently turned my face to him. "Why, Luan?"

Why? Why indeed. I'd been asking myself the same question but never shifted it towards me.

"I don't know," I answered, and it was true. "I don't know, Ky. I was afraid. If there was any other emotion I felt as strongly that time, maybe I would've stayed. Maybe I would've listened. But there was nothing else but fear and hurt. It's all I've ever known."

I bit my lip to prevent myself from saying more. This was wrong. He was making me vulnerable. I couldn't look away quick enough to hide the tear that fell.

I hated this. I hated being weak.

"You're not weak," he said quietly. 

"For Goddess' s sake, quit stalking my wolf!" I pushed his hand off of my face. "I have just about had it with you and this stupid bond and my stupid wolf making a mess of everything!"

"A mess of what?" he challenged, raising his voice over mine. "Why won't you accept that you feel something for me?"

"Because I -" 

Something slipped inside my mouth. It was warm and soft and moved around as if seeking something.

"Mmmp!“ Ky!

His hands cupped both of my cheeks to keep me still as he deepened the kiss and coaxed me to respond. And I did.

He tasted amazingly sweet and I felt electrified and it just felt so right. I had to remind myself to breathe as he dominated the kiss and every swirl of his tongue took the air out of my lungs. Only when I was getting lightheaded did he finally let me breathe, his minty breath fanning my face as his lips hovered above mine.

I felt the seatbelt unclick then pull back, his knuckles brushing against my chest, making me blush. Leila howled.

He ran a finger down my cheek then I felt his soft lips on mine.

What should I do? I'm melting on the inside with the dormant emotions he's stirring awake.

"Kyhan," I whispered when he broke away again. I was about to tell him to stop but I felt myself being lifted. Next thing I knew, I was straddling him while he was seated on my seat.

His lips found mine again and just like that, I was silenced and lost in the tides of his passionate kiss. I took deep breaths to keep me going because before I realised it, I was the one initiating the kisses.

My fingers threaded along his soft thick hair as my body moulded into his. I felt hot and wanting ... wanting something that felt like the right thing for once.

Kyhan growled as his hands settled on my butt. It brought me pleasure, knowing just how much I affected him.

I gasped when I felt him poking me, and when he suddenly pulled my hips forward and I moved it back, he'd only repeat the same. The obscene motion made me hotter. I squeezed my thighs to gain relief but in this position and with the jeans I had on, I got nothing. I was humping at nothing.

He peppered my neck with soft kisses, playfully nipping at the skin. I whimpered my need and my shaky breaths did little to hide it. I needed friction badly but I wasn't getting any.

"Ky," I begged, in a voice I'd never heard of myself.

He groaned when I lowered myself and gyrated my hips, letting my butt give him much needed friction that I wasn't getting myself. I knew it. He wanted the same thing as I.

"Luan," he called, his voice thick and laced with lust.

I could feel him getting all worked up because of me. He gripped my but as if to get me to stop when I angled my hips, but his erratic breaths that mirrored mine told me - it was a difficult internal battle for him to get me to stop.

"Kyhan," I moaned. I could feel sweat run down my forehead as my nails dug on his shoulders and my back arched.

"Lue ..." He was breathless. His hands wouldn't stop their caress.

"Yes," I hissed, pleased that he felt the same need. Pleased that I was in control. Pleased that it felt like he was getting bigger under me.

Down there I felt wet and needy like I'd never had before. "Kyhan ..."

My chest tightened as these unbridled emotions overtook my system, overwhelming me. It was harder to breathe. I could barely think. At this moment, it was just me and him in this lustful embrace.

But he just had to stop it. He gripped my sides, forcing me to stop my movements. "Luan," he said through a pained outtake of breath. "I don't want you to regret this."

"I won't regret it if I want it,” I answered as I kissed him breathless. This was different from our first … my first kiss.

He took my hands off of his shoulders and intertwined our fingers together. I could still feel him under me, and I heard every muffled groan he tried to suppress. "Let's start over," he said. "This time, I'll do it right. I'll earn your trust and make you feel loved and wanted ... so you'll never be afraid of me and our future again."

He raised my right hand and kissed the back. "What do you say?"

"I -" I could feel Leila anticipating my answer. She wanted her mate and had always trusted him. I managed to convince her then but she turned her back to me the moment he showed up.

"One," he said. "Give me one last chance and if I screw up, I'll set you free."

"I can set myself free anytime I want," I replied, pulling my hands from his and crossing my arms.

"I don't know what else I can give," he said sadly. "I'll give you my eyes if it'll change your mind. We can schedule the surgery with -"

"Ky!" I exclaimed, horrified that he'd go that far. Losing my sight was devastating, I wouldn't want it for my worst enemy. "I ... I don't need to see."

I had been blind. Like Leila had said, I wasn't letting myself see.

"Sorry," he said. "It seems like no matter what I do, I'll still end up losing you."

He rested his forehead on my chest as he drew me closer, his arms going under mine and around my waist. A new scent mingled with the heavy air. "Don't reject me yet," he pleaded. "Not yet."

I licked my lips, forcing the words out before I lost the courage to say them. If he could let his tears out in front of me, I could say this. "I'm afraid," I voiced aloud. "I don't want to lose you but I'm afraid of what we have. It's too ... It feels too good to be real."

"Then let me prove it to you," he said, his arms sliding up my back until his hands neared my shoulders. "Let me show you that what we have is real."

He lifted his head and I lowered mine, letting our foreheads meet.

"I don't know what to say," I replied.

"It's okay. You don't have to talk. You can listen."

He playfully blew air on my face, making me scrunch my nose. "I'll never forget the day I first met you. I have no regrets either. I love you, Luan," he said. "I always had."

I felt his lips gently press on mine and let him kiss me slowly, our emotions one and the same. We were meant to be by the Goddess. I know that now. We were both afraid of losing each other. I could feel it in his kiss and how tightly he held me.

But love to me was reserved for my sisters.

What we had moments ago was lust. For him, before I could be certain that a rejection was best for both of us, I at least owed it to him to try. Try to love him in whatever ways someone like me can. And also, as atonement, for believing he betrayed me then.

"I'm sorry I left you."

"Cupcake," he said, making me smile as tears built under my eyes, "there is nothing to forgive."

XXX