He Kissed Me Crazy

The Wig

The plan worked!

Thanks to Tucker’s secret practice sessions, he beat Kendell the first time around and watched in triumph as his friend swigged down his shot and then immediately demanded a rematch. And when Tucker won the next one, Kendell demanded a rematch again. In fact, the more he lost, the more avidly he demanded to play again.

It didn’t take many games before Tucker could tell Kendell was feeling the liquor. His friend’s face had started to pinken around the cheeks, and his movements were starting to slow.

But much to Tucker’s chagrin, Kendell was so focused on winning the damn game that he wasn’t doing anything embarrassing at all!

So, Tucker purposely lost the next game and drank his own shot, loudly declaring his winning streak done and that it was time for others to get in on the games.

Kendell clearly looked like he was about to protest—how the tables had turned!—but the mermaid and pirate already had a game planned, so he reluctantly turned over his controller.

Tucker got up to clear some of the empty cups away and set them next to the sink in the kitchen. Looking at the mass of cups, bottles, and food containers, he sighed, wondering if he’d just wasted a whole lot of money and three weeks’ worth of chores on a failed prank.

Tucker turned to go back and nearly jumped out of his skin to find Kendell right behind him, silently glowering at Tucker as he swayed, one hand on the kitchen island to keep himself up right.

“What’s up, K.D.?” Tucker grinned a little nervously, his heart starting to race, feeling guilty now that it seemed his plan had failed and his friend might just suffer hell the next day, all for nothing. Well, thinking back to all the pranks Kendell had pulled, maybe not for nothing.

“What’sss up with you, Tucker?” Kendell responded, slightly slurring, still glowering at him.

“What do you mean?” Tucker glanced behind Kendell, but no one seemed to be paying any attention to them at the moment. His heart started beating faster despite himself. He hasn’t caught on, has he?

“Whyyy did you make th’bet about drinking? You knooow I don’t like to.”

“Come on, man, how was I to know you’d be so bad at the game tonight?” Tucker tried to laugh but Kendell squinted his eyes suspiciously at him and it cut off in his throat. “I think I need a drink myself,” he said in a rush and went over to the fridge to grab a cold bottle of water. He turned around and again Kendell was right behind him, causing his heart to leap, so Tucker tried to casually drink his water while pretending not to feel very closed in. Why is he getting so close right now??

“I think,” Kendell said slowly as he leaned in even closer toward Tucker, his dark eyes so strangely intense that Tucker had to look away, oddly embarrassed, “… that you are trryying to get me drunk.”

“What? Pffft,” Tucker slid sideways away from Kendell, not meeting his eyes as he continued, “You’re the one who drank the shots. Anyway, I think I need to piss so …” He let his sentence trail off as he darted out of the kitchen, into the hall and headed for their shared bathroom, forcing himself not to look behind him to see if Kendell was following.

Thankfully, he reached the safety of the bathroom without being attacked, and immediately leaned against the sink, breathing out a sigh of relief. His heart was racing, and his palms were clammy. Tucker had never been that good at lying, especially to Kendell, and this weirdly intense Kendell looked like he was trying to delve into his soul.

Duly noted, Kendell is an intense drunk who doesn’t care about personal space.

Tucker froze at that last thought.

Shoot, what if Kendell did that with a girl? Tucker didn’t want him to get arrested!

Tucker rushed back to the living room. Everyone was still having fun, there was now a cheerleading squad behind the two players on the games station and the old board game was currently abandoned.

Kendell was nowhere to be seen.

Damnit, where is he?

A few people saw Tucker approach and let him know then that they were taking off, two being the mermaid and the pirate, so Tucker was happy about that, at least.

He had helped his fellow man catch a lady, for tonight at the very least.

And yet he was rather sad at the same time. He hadn’t found his own mermaid. Hmmm…Where is that sexy nurse?

Tucker glanced around and saw her chatting it up with a pretty Cat Woman and Batman.

Tucker looked around again. And where was Kendell? He glanced further into the kitchen, but Kendell was definitely not there. Had he gone to his room?

Tucker went back down the hallway and opened the door to Kendell’s room, but the bed was empty.

He looked in the bathroom but that was empty as well.

He didn’t think Kendell would go into Tucker’s room, since he never went in unless Tucker was there, but this was Drunk Kendell, so Tucker opened the door to his room and turned on the light.

Not completely surprised at this point, he found Kendell lying asleep on Tucker’s bed, his arms curled around one of Tucker’s pillows, still in full Caesar gear. Yep, no care for personal space.

Well, if he’s just going to sleep, he can do it in his own damn bed. Tucker walked over and tried to shake Kendell awake.

At his rather rough handling, Kendell blinked open groggy eyes and stared up at him.

“Tucker,” Kendell said happily as soon as he recognized him, giving him a broad grin. “I wasss waiting for you t’come back sso I could ask you somethin’. D’you like me?”

Tucker burst out a surprised laugh. “Where did that come from? No, Kendell, of course I don’t. You drive me f*cking crazy. Now, get out of my room.”

He started pulling Kendell up by his arm, but Kendell suddenly surged up on his own, grabbing hold of Tucker’s wrist.

“You don’t like me? Are ya sure?”

Before Tucker knew what he was doing, Kendell brought Tucker’s hand up against Kendell’s mouth, Tucker’s palm sliding against his lips. “I reeeally want ya to.”

“Hey!” Tucker tried to free his hand, startled by the contact, but Kendell held fast. “What the f*ck, Kendell?!”

“D’you kiss girlss with that mouth?” Kendell teased against his hand, his eyes holding that strange intensity just as he placed a kiss against Tucker’s palm.

Shocked as a jolt of excitement shot up his spine, Tucker jerked his hand away, glaring at his friend who just smiled back at him. How do I keep losing to this guy, even when he’s drunk?

“Would you lay off me for once?” His hand was still tingling, and his heart was beating loudly in his ears. This is not going as I planned.

Kendell moved right up to him and said in a whisper, “But what if I want to lay with you?”

For just a second, Tucker was frozen stiff in shock, speechless. But then reality kicked in again and he shoved his friend backward, which caused Kendell to fall back to sit on his bed.

“Goddamnit, Kendell, you’re relentless. St-stay here and sober up a little, would you?”

Tucker spun around and walked out of his room, closing the door behind him.

And then leaned back against it.

What is going on with me?

His heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest.

It must be that damn voice of his. Something about Kendell’s voice in his ear always did weird things to him.

Sucking in a deep breath, Tucker spent a moment listening to the sounds around him. The party, at least, was going well.

But his plans were definitely ruined.

He couldn’t let Kendell out and about now. Tucker wanted a funny video, an embarrassing video, not one that could be used against Kendell in the court of law if or when he harassed a girl with this very flirty, very assertive version of himself.

I mean, unless she was down for that sort of thing... Which wouldn’t be too surprising. That side of Kendell had just given Tucker tingles.

But Tucker wouldn’t risk it.

He sighed and turned around, opening the door again. Might as well make sure he stays put.

But when he looked in, he saw that Kendell had fallen asleep on his bed again, back to holding Tucker’s pillow like a baby.

Tucker breathed a sigh of relief. Right before he grimaced.

Well, that definitely kills the plan.

Sighing yet again, Tucker closed the door and headed back to the living room.

Sorely put out that he had failed so completely, he went and got himself another beer before searching out Sexy Nurse. Might as well enjoy the rest of the party, I guess…. And get this damn heart to calm down.

---

“So, can I try out that sword of yours?”

Tucker smiled back at Sexy Nurse—Brittany?—who was grinning at him invitingly. She had a long blonde wig on and was dressed in a tight white and pink dress with pink high heels and a little white hat on her head. It was a super cute and sexy outfit on a very pretty lady, and he smiled back at her. “Of course,” he said, unclipping his gladius from his hip and handing it to her. It was a foam sword, but he was happy to say that it was impressive looking all the same. And if she liked that sword…

“Ooh, can I see that shield?” The Cat Woman had come by and was pointing at the shield leaning up against the couch ever since Tucker and Kendell’s earlier battles.

“Of course,” Tucker smiled at her too, handing over the shield.

“I want to try on that armour!” Sexy Nurse said, apparently already done with the sword and reaching out to touch the breast plate of Tucker’s gladiator armour.

Half an hour later, Tucker was dressed only in his red gladiator tunic, the Cat Woman was swinging his sword and shield about, and the Sexy Nurse was now wearing his oversized breast plate and helmet, having removed her blonde wig and hat to fit her head into the helmet.

For laughs and maybe because he was too drunk, Tucker put on her discarded wig and claimed himself Conan the Barbarian. That got him into a weird debate with the zombie, who said that he was far more like He-Man with his blond hair, since he didn’t remember Conan having hair that colour.

Determined to win the argument, Tucker went back to his room to wake Kendell, the reigning expert on Conan the Barbarian, but no amount of shaking woke Kendell from his sleep.

He gave Kendell a good punch in the shoulder before leaving again and heading to Kendell’s room, where his friend kept his stash of Conan comics. The light in the hallway was pouring into Kendell’s room, so Tucker didn’t bother to turn on the room light, just moved directly to Kendell’s box of comics under his desk. Right before Tucker dropped to his knees to start rifling through, however, a voice spoke coldly from behind him.

“Hey, lady, what are you doin’ in my room?”

Surprised at how hostile Kendell sounded, Tucker went to turn around and ask him what the hell his problem was, but he paused mid-turn when he realized exactly what Kendell had said. Hey, “Lady”?

Oh, right. Tucker was still wearing the long blond wig on his head.

Kendell didn`t recognize him in the dim light and thought a girl was in his room.

Tucker pondered, an idea forming. It would’ve been bad if Kendell came on so strongly to a real girl. But… what about a fake one? Now that he knew what was coming, Tucker should be able to handle the silly drunk just fine.

Keeping his back to Kendell, Tucker flicked on the little spy camera he’d bought as his belt buckle. Then, still turned away, Tucker attempted a feminine pose and tried to speak in his softest girlish voice, “I-I’m sorry, Kenny, I just came here because I … I wanted to know more about you.”

Kendell was silent behind him and Tucker found himself holding his breath. Then in a low voice, Kendell asked, “Why?”

“Well because…B-Because…” Tucker hadn’t thought this through. “Because I… really like you, Kenny.”

More silence.

Tucker looked around in the dark room nervously, not daring to turn around yet.

Did it work?

He had no idea if Kendell recognized his voice by now or his silhouette, or if Kendell still believed there was a girl in the room, but Tucker didn’t want to ruin it yet by showing his face. He started to fiddle with his dress like he’d seen girls do, hoping to add to his disguise. “A-Aren’t you going to answ—"

“Did you just say you liked me?” Kendell’s voice came from right behind him, causing Tucker to nearly jump out of his wig. He hadn’t heard him move.

Kendell’s voice was no longer cold though, more curious, so he must have fallen for it. Tucker secretly smiled.

“I s-said… I really like you.” Tucker’s cheeks stained a little red despite himself, finding it embarrassing to say those words to Kendell while he was right behind him, but he was a man on a mission.

“Why won’t you look at me when you say that then?” Kendell asked softly, his velvety voice sending shivers up Tucker’s spine like it always did, for no good reason. s**t, focus on the plan, man. The plan.

“I’m… too shy.” Tucker tried not to say too many words, realizing he’d give himself away at any moment.

“Hmmm. So, what do you want me to do about that then?” Kendell’s voice was gently teasing now, and it felt so strange to hear him speak that way that Tucker was getting embarrassed, his heart beating faster by the second.

“I-I don’t know.” Tucker really hadn’t thought this through. How far did he want to take this?

“If you like me then… don’t you want… to kiss me?” Kendell’s voice vibrated in his ear and Tucker hissed in a surprised breath. This was making him feel really weird. Kendell was far too close; Tucker could feel the heat of his presence on his back. If he were a girl, he would be feeling really excited right now, or really anxious.

“Umm… Y-Yes. But close your eyes.” Tucker could get a shot of Kendell closing his eyes waiting for a kiss and then Tucker would say “Gotcha!” and get Kendell’s embarrassed face, too. He swallowed, his throat strangely tight.

“Okay… my eyes are closed.” Kendell sounded like he was suspicious but amused.

“Really?”

“Promise.”

Tucker tentatively peeked behind him, but it looked like Kendell really did have his eyes closed. Tucker whipped a hand over Kendell’s eyes before turning fully around. Kendell’s mouth smiled as he asked tauntingly, “So, where’s my kiss?”

This was the point where Tucker was supposed to say, “Gotcha!”

But instead… his eyes dropped to Kendell’s smiling lips.

Something strange happened to him when he looked down at those lips. A mysterious… curiosity bloomed.

He thought, What would it feel like to kiss him? He wouldn’t know it was me…

And then Tucker leaned in and kissed his drunk friend.

He barely registered Kendell freezing in place as he let himself feel the sensation of Kendell’s lips on his. They were warm and soft and for a second Tucker thought, this feels just like kissing a girl…

But then Kendell reacted.

A groan rumbled against Tucker’s lips as much as in his ears, right before strong hands came up to secure Tucker’s head, holding him in place. Before Tucker could respond to this, Kendell turned his own head and deepened their kiss, increasing the pressure and sending thrills from every place he touched, startling Tucker even as his eyelids closed, reeling from the pleasure he never expected to rush through him. When Kendell opened his mouth on Tucker’s, pushing a hot tongue against Tucker’s lips, Tucker's mouth opened in a gasp as he grabbed Kendell’s shirt to shove him away. But his gasp allowed Kendell entrance and that hot tongue immediately slid past Tucker’s lips into his mouth, jolting Tucker right through his body as it began playing over Tucker’s own tongue, tasting of alcohol and chocolate. Completely overwhelmed, Tucker moaned in his throat, his body shivering, the taste and feel of Kendell’s tongue inside him causing thrills up and down his spine he simply couldn’t resist.

Soon, Kendell's tongue was prodding Tucker’s into a mind-whirling dance that made Tucker really dizzy really fast, his hands forgotten where they still rested against Kendell’s chest. He gasped breathlessly against Kendell's lips as his friend’s warm fingers swept up to hold the back of his neck under the wig, while another hand swept downward along Tucker’s neck to softly tug down the nape of his costume. Kendell broke the kiss to spread more hot kisses down Tucker’s jaw and neck before he nipped and sucked at Tucker’s exposed collarbone, causing Tucker to cry out softly in shock and desire, frozen in place as his body wouldn't let him move away. And when Kendell let go of him only to sweep his long fingers across Tucker’s chest, finding Tucker’s nip*les through his tunic and pinching them hard, Tucker let out a groan of pure ecstasy and grew hard as a rock.

But that caused reality to come crashing down around him. Tucker suddenly realized exactly what he was doing: he was making out with his best friend while they were both drunk and his friend thought he was a girl.

Sucking in a horrified gasp, Tucker swiftly pushed Kendell to one side and barrelled out of the room, not stopping until he was slamming into the bathroom right across the hallway. He fell to his knees on the tile, the energy sucked out of him from Kendell’s kisses and the shock of what he’d just done. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, F****CCCCKKKKK.

What the hell had he just done?