Of Dark & Light: Acceptance

Chapter Five

Jamies POV

Amara’s room was not that far away from the elevators. When the door opened, I heard her sweet laugh. She absolutely hated it. Everyone at school teased her for it, to the point she would try to always be serious in public. Refusing to laugh. She sounded like a flock of seagulls. It was unique, like her. The day she stopped laughing in public was the day I got suspended for a week. The end of the 4th-period bell rang, I was on my way out of the guy's locker room, she was leaving the tech wing. I say leaving like if she was walking, Mari was running down the hall crying… I tried to stop her.

It did not work, so I went into the closest tech classroom hoping to find the cause of her tears. Hearing laughing from Mr. Lloyd’s shop classroom, I walked in. That’s when I heard the sound of seagulls on a computer surrounded by a bunch of teenage douche monkeys. Ty Conte was in the center of them all bragging about how well email gram turned out that he made for her. Ty noticed me behind him staring at the screen that was showing an open email with Amara’s face cutout and placed on to a seagull's body, Mewing. Every time her mouth opened to make a mewing sound the word. “SeaGurl” came busting out of it.

I grabbed him by the throat slamming him down onto the desk that no longer was hold the desktop. It was holding his face. No words came out, all I saw was red. Next thing I know I am in handcuffs in the principles office. Mr. Conte in a screaming match with my father, who was now defending me. It wasn’t until Troy came barreling into the office, easy long strides up to Mr. Conte. He made it look effortless, he was 7’ with no shoes on. His normal demeanor soft and caring, compared to what it was now. Watching him walk to the man in his sights gave me shivers.

He grabbed Mr. Conte by the collar of his shirt, “Drop the charges now, or you will have bigger problems for what your f**k up of son did to my daughter today. You should be thankful this was all Jamie did to him. I should educate you on how to properly discipline your son. That way when you get home you can begin to educate him.” Troy full of authoritative conviction, dropping Mr. Conte to the floor. Quivering in his voice, “I…I am dr…dropping the… charges on Daniels….”. he stood up and ran out grabbing Ty as he did.

 Charges were dropped but I still got a week's suspension because of how badly I beat Ty and the school property that was destroyed in the process. I accepted it with open arms, Amara did not. She had a look of disgust on her face. A look I was now getting as she turned her head toward the doorway noticing someone was in it. I had been drawn to the room full of laughter when I got on the floor. I could not help but stand there quietly watching her smiles and laughter with her twins. Reaching out to them both at different times during their jokes. Her once chocolate eyes glazing with tears of laughter were now dried and screaming betrayal at me. We just stared at each other for a moment.

Lillie had noticed I was there prior to Amara noticing. She got up and broke our locked eyes. “Jamie! How are you feeling? Better, I hope? Did you eat yet? Miss. Millie brought us all the yumm yumms!” She said laughing as she grabbed me a plate of Miss. Millie’s Baked Ziti. Trying not to look back at the deathly glares of Amara I walked over to Lillie smiling, “Actually no, I overslept and did not have time to eat anything. Jackie let me go early as you know so I wanted to come back early to check on all my patients and finish up some paperwork.” She knew it was a lie, that I came back to see Amara before work. I often did. Standing at the end of her bed or by the window. Always keeping my distance from her.

The other night was the first time I had touched her in the last 4 years. “Oh! Well, sit down! Eat, please. You can get back to work afterwords.” Lillie’s reassuring voice was cut short with the hiss from her sister’s response. Leaving me to turn and lock eyes with her again, “Lillie, no he came to do work. Let him go do just that. We are not his priority. Let him take his food and leave.” My chest tightened. I wanted to respond you her but was worried that my voice would choke up. I mentally punched myself in the face. She truly hated me.

Sadness. I saw sadness in her eyes just then. It was quickly tossed aside and replaced with the hatred again, but it was there. Maybe there was some kind of hope. Holding the gaze with her I sympathetically replied, “Lillie, Thank you. Ma-Amara is right though. I do not have time to sit and chat, though I would not mind any other time. I do need to catch up as I had more pressing things to take care of this morning before I left.” Giving her a look of a matter-of-fact look, reminding her who was there for her this morning. She looked paused and a look of embarrassment and sadness came crossed her eyes.

Causing her to look down. Just because I understood how she felt about me at the moment does not mean I was okay with her talking down to me after only trying to help her not even 12 hours ago…I grabbed the plate from Lillie, giving her a short kiss on the top of her head and walked out of the room, but not before I heard Lillie bellow at Amara. “How could you do that to him! He has done so much for us! For you! You would not even BE HERE if it was not for Jamie! He picked this hospital for his residency and during Med School so he could make sure you were okay, and Matty and I were okay! He has not left your side for 4 years! You better apologize to him later!” Lillie Boomed at her sister.

I kind of wish I could have seen her face. Lil was not the little girl Amara once knew; she was so much like Emily now. I thanked Lillie in my head for sticking up for me, but honestly, I would be okay if Amara did not apologize. I was not looking for a thank you. I just wanted her okay and happy; even if I was not the cause of her happiness… Dr. Minx was in his office. I figured I would go check in with him. “Hey, sir! How was your day yesterday? Did the kids enjoy Universal Studios?” saying as I shook off the last 10 minutes since getting out of the elevator.

“Oh hey, Jamie. It was great actually. Jason loved it. Sophia was not a fan of Jurassic world park. An ice cream Sundae and fireworks fixed that meltdown easy enough. I heard you had an eventful last 24 hours with our friend Miss Amara.” The light mood now changing with his questioning brow lift. Unsure how to go about that informational overload from this morning I opted for a shoulder shrug. “Jamie as a doctor I want you to know that it is okay to talk to me. I do not need you to overexert yourself trying not to burden us with it. As a doctor, we need to be able to lean on each other in the hard times.

As a man, I understand why you do not want to talk about it, and I will respect that choice.” He said supportively to me. He was not wrong I needed to be able to rely and lean on him and my peers. I just have never really opened up to anyone except Amara, fully anyways. I opened up a little to Ally a few times, but not too much. I just think it is easier for me to keep it to myself. “Thank you, Sir. I am okay though. I am going to start doing my rounds and check in with Leo. So he can get back to tina and the baby.” He nodded to me and I backed up walking out to find Leo when Lil and Matt came up to me. “Hey, dude!” “Hey, Matt! Sorry I didn’t say hello in the room. I just…” Feeling bad I did not even acknowledge him. He laughed at me and shrugging his shoulders,

 “It is okay. I guess it is better we find out the hard way that the fire and coma did not kick Dad's lit fuse temper out.” Pulling him in for a hug, “Yeah, we could all live without that fuse, huh?” Laughing back at him. “You guys just come to look for me or?” Lillie jumped in grabbing my attention, “Yes and no. We wanted to catch you before we head out. I told her to apologize for whatever was in there. So let me know if she does okay? Miss. Millie is waiting for us in the lobby. She said I have no choice I have to sleep in my own bed tonight. Matty needs to soak his skin.” Pointing back at her twin like he is lame for not staying with Amara. “keep me posted all night okay. Please text me if anything like last night happens again okay…Please, Jamie…” She said in almost a whisper.

I only needed to say one word. One word that was universal to the 4 of us. “Always.” She hugged me tightly for a good minute until Matt cleared his throat. Telling her it was time to go. I watched as they walked into the elevator. Catching Lillie’s blue-eyed gaze. Lifting my hand for a short wave and a slight smile. I knew it hurt her to leave Amara, but she needed her bed, and she knew it. She would be back before I left to go home tomorrow. Turning around to find Leo waiting for me at the nurse's station. “Hey, Leo! What’s up? Anything new happen today? I am ready to kick you out of here. I hear a newborn calling for you and a sleepless night.”

Laughing as I padded him on the shoulder. “Ha! Very funny man… I hope I am around when you have kids… I want to be there to bust on you all day. But yeah okay so room 210 still has not had her BM today. Minx and GI had me sneaking her Go Litely in her drinks and broth. So umm yeah, have fun with that tonight” He said winking at me and returning the shoulder pat. Ugh. In times like these, I felt for the nurses but as I am still in my residency I often had to hang out with the nurses. I would make it a priority to help them out with 210 tonight. I would need to get on their good side so I could avoid Amara. I wanted to give her space.

“I listened for the next 10ish minutes before giving him a side hug and starting my rounds. I asked him if he would go and do Amara’s 8 pm check before he left for the night since it was on his way out. Laughing at me he agreed. For the next few hours, everything was quiet. I was thankful for it. I was not really in the right mindset today. I just kept thinking about Amara, and how I was being a complete coward…again. What would I even say to her? “Hey Mrs. James! How are you feeling tonight? Have you gone to the bathroom for me yet?” I trying to sound unaffected by my thoughts. “Nope. I already told Dr. Minx and that crazy woman upstairs! I am not allowing ANYONE to go up to my rear with a mile-long camera. That is not happening.”

Ugh, so it is going to be that kind of night with her. “Mrs. James, I told you this morning. We need to check your upper large intestine. There was a mass in the scans.” I sat down at the end of the bed. She was a nice lady. Reminded me a lot like my mom now. Just more white-grey hair. Her skin was yellowing, which was not a good sign. She had soft green eyes. Complementing her soft wrinkles around them. She wore too much makeup, but it seemed to make her feel good wearing it and her cherry red lipstick. I will go for the sweet-talking this time.

“Mrs. James, can I help you get ready for bed then? I will grab a few washcloths, your toiletry bag, and makeup wipes, correct?” She gazed at me knowing I was trying to distract her. “I know what you are doing Jamie, but fine. Yes please, Lukewarm water in the dish and could you grab my night bag from the shelf?” I jumped up turning around to get her things. Oh yeah, distract and get on her level. “Yes Ma’am!” I laughed with a salute to her through her mirror. Gaining a laugh from her.

This was the part of the job I loved. Helping people was something Amara and I had in common. I wanted to make them get better, make them smile. What Amara wanted to accomplish was not human nature. I got back to the bed with all of the objects I would use to distract her. She had enough Laxatives in her all I needed to do was get her to relax enough to allow them to help. She had to be in pain by now. “Here you go, Mrs. James. So where did we leave off this morning? Oh right, your daughter. How is she? Did she come to visit you today?” I inquire. “Yeah, she did. She brought my granddaughter. Too bad you were not here…shed eat you and your cuteness right up.” She said trying to take me back a peg I am sure, but I caught her off with my witty reply, “I am pretty tasty aren’t I?” this caused a booming laugh from her.

“Cheeky. I like that.” This went on for about 15 minutes till finally she got up and paced fast to her bathroom. I took that as a win; smiling and laughing in my head, and my cue to walk out of here. I went to open the door all the way; I had left it halfway open when I was stopped dead in my tracts. I was met with a pair of dark chocolate eyes. Her eyes. Why was she here? Standing at this door? Why was she even out of bed unaccompanied by a nurse? She should not be out walking alone yet. Then again Amara never liked being told what to do. Neither of us moved just stared at each other for what felt like forever. It was not until someone cleared their throat.

A walking by, smirking at me. Did someone put her here? Showing her to the wrong door? I cleared my throat, “did you need something Amara?” Sounding rude. Facepalm! f**k! Why did I say it like that! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! With that, she turned around holding on to her IV pole and went in search of her room. “Amara! Wait!” I ran over to her. “I am sorry that sounded rude. You just caught me off guard. I was not expecting you to be at that door. I was just confused why you were outside Mrs. James’ room is all.” Trying to sound as apologetic as I could. “I got lost okay? I was with the bimbo nurse and she left me standing in the hallway…I was trying to find my room. When I heard talking. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop… I just wanted to find my room.”

She spat out at me. Clearly embarrassed I caught her and that she was lost. I smiled in my head at the thought that she was watching. She would come with me down to the shelter back in parker and surrounding towns, and just watch me help people. She said it was relaxing watching me. My Mari was still in there somewhere. Sounding hopeful, “Mind if I bring you back to your room? I won't talk. I can just bring you back and have a nurse come check on you in a few moments? Or I can get…” “uhh. No it's fine. I can do it. Just point me in the right direction. This floor is confusing… who knew a giant circle could be confusing…” she sounded like she was trying to be funny but wanted to hold on to anger.

I pointed her in the right direction, “Room 230”. She half-smiled at me and walked back to her room. Hope. There was hope. Now to find Jazmine…the bimbo that Amara spoke of. Finder her a few minutes later in the supply closet. “Hey did you just leave Amara in the hallway alone?” giving her a do not lie to my glare. “Yeah, Mr. Jackson rolled out of bed. They needed extra hands. She seemed fine. I told her what way to go…” Sometimes I wondered why she wanted to be in healthcare. She did not actually want to be here. She partied whenever she was not at work. Jaz was a slimmed 5’5” 21-year-old. she was really pretty but thought too highly of herself, typical narcissist. I did not care much for her. “If you have someone with you and you are needed, either bring her back yourself first for find another Nurse, CNA to bring her back.” Giving her a directive. She huffed at me which aggravated me. “Listen if you can not handle the duties of your job. To ensure your patient's safety and wellbeing, then leave and do not return.”        

With that I left the closet, walking to find either Jackie or Dr. Minx. Anytime I have an issue with a nurse I will either go to one of them to handle it for me. As they are leads on this floor. Or I will tell them after I confront the staff member. I made the mistake once of not going back and telling one of them and I got burned. I looked up and saw Jackie walking out of Amara’s room. Oh good, two birds one stone. I was going to have someone check on her. I’ve been really good at avoiding her all night. “Hey, sleeping beauty. Have a good nap?” jumping in after the nurse walked away to grab whatever Jackie needed her to go grab. She looked up at me sticking her tongue out at me. “Everything okay with Amara? Tossing my head sideways to the door?

“Yeah, I think so. She seemed really distressed when I went to check on her for my rounds. She wouldn’t respond to me, so I told Tam to go wake Dr. Minx.” Concern was written all over her face and mixed in with her words. This sent tugging into my chest. Everything kind of faded in front of me until I found myself at her door. Amara was standing looking out the window, blankly. Pushing my thoughts aside I knocked. She did not respond or move. I walk over to her cautiously not wanting to make anything worse. She had her hands holding her up while gripping the windowpane. Her hair wisping around her from the air conditioner on underneath her.

“Amara?” She spun around locking eyes with me. There was so much crashing through her eyes. Pain. Anguish. Sorrow. Millions of questions. Some of them being answered as soon as she thought them. Her eyes have always been easy to read. That was when I saw her knees buckle, she started to crash. Hitting a wall that was only in mind. I was under her faster than a second, yelling out to the hallway. “JACKIE!”.