Of Dark & Light: Acceptance

Chapter Eight

Jamie’s pov

The moment I saw her eyes begin to water; I knew I needed to hold her still. I knew she would be embarrassed if she had an episode in front of a stranger. I was upset at Ally for just showing up, but it was an innocent act. She had brought me food knowing I hadn’t eaten, and she thought of Amara. She was so amazing for doing it, but she did not understand the meanings behind the things she did. It wasn’t her fault. I had to keep repeating myself in my head to calm myself. I did not want to take my frustrations out on Ally later. It would not be fair to her. I did not like anyone upsetting Mari though. I never have.

She always deserved to smile. So seeing the tears coming down I knew I needed just to hold her. Letting her slowly lay back on the hospital bed. I could feel her getting heavy again. Hopefully, she would rest much longer this time. She needed the resting. She seemed to be getting more of a handle on things every time she woke up. Which is amazing to me. She was truly amazing everyone with how well she was managing things. I knew she was doing it for the twins though. That is okay though because I would make sure to be there for her to lean on when she felt weakened. I knew that if I wasn’t then she would crumble alone. She no longer had Emily to lean on and I know she was not going to lean on either of the twins.

When I felt she had finally drifted off I released her from my hold. Getting up silently, grabbing the flowers from her lap. I knew she would want them close to her when she woke up. Something bright and loving. I would give that to her. I walked over to one of the empty vases by the sink, filling it halfway with cooler water. Not too cool and not too warm. Just right as Emily would say. Emily was so particular with her flowers and how they were to be taken care of. I would not allow her to disapprove of the treatment of these flowers from the After. I did not feel like being haunted by her at the moment.

I placed the lilies in the vase after cutting the ends. Trying to remember how Lillie corrected me with flower placement. It was key to making it all fit and look perfect. It was an art I just did not have in me. Laughing to myself. I remember when mom and dad brought Mari and me up to the hospital to see her newborn siblings. She was so excited about being a big sister. I understood this feeling there was nothing better than being a bigger sibling. Everything in you just shifts to them. Even when you are mad and at odds with them, they are still yours. To love, protect, cherish. When we got to the room the twins had been sleeping. We just watched and admired them until we heard Emily start talking, “Little Matthew’s sister does not have a name. Daddy and I were wondering if you had any ideas Малютка?”

Mari just lit up from the question to her. Looking down at her baby sister, “Lillie. Her name is Lillie May Voznesenski, mommy. She is bright, loving, and my favorite.” “Lillie May it is then. It is perfect.” Troy said with Emily chiming in, “What a wonderful name. She is going to grow to love her beautiful name, Amara!”. I started turning around to bring the flowers over to the nightstand when I heard a sad voice “Jamie…I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset her. I thought they would cheer her up. You said they were her favorite…”

I glanced at the now teary-eyed girl sitting down just looking at Mari sleeping. I couldn’t help but feel terrible. I felt so bad. I knew she did not mean to upset Amara, “Allison, it is okay. She was just thinking about her mother and how important flowers were to her mother. Flowers are the one thing that bonded them tightly. She is just hurting at the loss of her mother. The twins had 4 years to accept the loss. Amara is just now getting to face the loss of everything. Including the loss of time… so do not feel bad. Trust me she knows you meant no disrespect.”

Ally just sat and stared at me. Almost questioning me silently. I set the flowers down on the nightstand, checking over Mari one last time before I waved Ally out of the room with me. She went out before me and I shut the door on the way out. “How do you know that is what she thought?” Her question caught me off guard. “hmm?” “How did you know it was thinking of her mom and not something I did. It is almost like she spoke to you…but she didn’t say a word…” I do not know how to explain it to her Ally has never had someone like that growing up. She was an orphan and went foster to foster till she turned 18 and left for college. I did not know how to explain the bond I had with Amara. I had always been so in tune with her. Just touching her I knew what she felt.

“It is honestly kind of hard to explain…I have just always been able to know what she is feeling, what she is thinking. From the moment I met her 18 years ago… I guess it is like gravity. You cannot see it or touch it but it pulls on you in place, so you know it is there. So it is like I just know how she thinks I see it in her eyes.” I don’t know if I explained that right but that was honestly as good as I could. “Oh, is it like that with me?” I did not understand where these questions were coming from. She has always known there was something kinetic about Mari to me.

“Yes and no. I can read your eyes just as easily. I can with everyone, but I don’t know it is different with Mari. Even though she isn’t speaking I just know sometimes. Almost like a superpower and it is just amplified around her.” “oh…well umm I am going to head back home okay? You have food from Oliver’s waiting for you in the Dr.’s office in his fridge. Please remember to eat it okay.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek that lingered a little longer than normal. Looking up at me and smiling before she walked out. I got the feeling something was off. I would give her some space and take it to her later when I got home. It was around 5 am now, I’d be off in a few hours.

I was glad that the floor was not busy tonight and I was able to talk with Amara tonight. But…Why did she have to show up. Why did she have to make this harder? I could not do this to her anymore. I loved her but I was never in love with her. I am in love with a girl with dark chocolate eyes. I could see that she saw something, especially after I had held Amara till she fell asleep. It was why she started asking the questions. I turned around and started heading to find Dr. Minx, I was doing everything in my power to avoid Jackie at all cost. I wanted her to rest when she could.

He was in his office when I found him. “Hey, sir.” “oh hey, Jamie, what’s up?” I needed to touch base with him about my plans to call the investigator here to talk with Amara. Along with telling him how I told her about his plans before letting her leave. “Nothing too much. I just wanted to touch base with you about Amara. If you had a moment?” He smiled nodding, gesturing for me to sit on the couch. “There were a few things Amara and I discussed tonight. First, I let her know medical plans for next week and the eval on Monday. She was inquiring about when she could leave. She wants to have a sit-down with the investigator about the fire. This leads me to the second thing. I told her I would have Miss. Millie asks the detective to come to speak with her sometime in the next few days.

So that if anything caused her to blackout, she would know she was safe and she could be monitored. I hope that was okay. I just figured it could help ease her mind. Like I had told you earlier she wanted to know about the fire. Knowing her siblings would not come out with the information.” He smiled fixing his glasses to rest on the desk. I could tell they were beginning to bother his eyes as they normally did around this time at night. “No that is fine! I am glad she was able to get a little peace of mind tonight. How is she now? I saw one of the nurses direct ally to her room with flowers.

“She is okay she is resting. She welcomed them but they made her think about her mother. Her twins may no longer be in mourning…but she is. She quietly fell asleep…” Thinking about how again I had helped her sleep. “Oh good. Well, it is a good thing you have been here the last few days to be here to calm her or like last night catch her fall… Too bad you have the next few days off.” That is right I do… I told her I would be here for her…shit. Clearly, he saw the look on my face as he added to his statement. “Jamie you know you can visit her in a nonprofessional manner on your days off.” I did know that, but I did not know if she would want me to… “Miss. Millie called earlier to let me know she was not bringing the kids up here tomorrow.” Cutting him off, “What? Why?”

Why would she do that… I know today was the 4-year anniversary of the fire… but Amara was awake now. Shouldn’t that be more important? “Well, this is nothing new Jamie… you know that. Both of them have the worst night terrors tonight… they will be raw tomorrow and will need tomorrow to rest.” He was not wrong, but it felt wrong leaving her alone. I mean I knew she was not alone here, but at the same time, she was very alone. “Yeah, that makes sense. If she is not awake by the time my shift is up someone will have to show her how to use FaceTime so she can video her siblings.” Concerned for her well-being mentally tomorrow.

“I promise not to leave until she wakes up tomorrow.” That gave me relief knowing Minx did not promise anything he could not keep. I nodded at him in agreement. “thank you, sir. I am going to go do my rounds and write up my reports. I will stop back in before I leave to touch base. Thank you, David.” “You are most welcome Jamie. I will see you in a few hours.” Grabbing his glasses, applying them back on his face as he looked back at his mac book. I walked out shutting the door behind me. I went back to Amara’s room to peek in on her before I went on my rounds.

She was sleeping peacefully on the bed. I did my rounds until around 630am. Deciding I would bring my Mac to Amara's room and do my reports in there. Incase she woke up. I would be right there to show her how to FaceTime her siblings. I did not want to leave without her knowing that she could still be with them without being with them. FaceTime was relatively new. It came about last year fully from Apple. My mother was constantly FaceTiming me. Chuckling while I was thinking about how my mother wanted the new iPhone 5s coming out soon. She wanted me, dad, and her to get the latest one. The better camera she ranted about. Oh and do not forget the finger recognition and the fact her phone could become her personal trainer.

Being able to count her steps.

That was big for her. Exercise. Exercise. She never seemed to not be doing something that would benefit her health as of late. it was honestly starting to annoy dad. he had called me last week to complain about the loss of red meat from his diet. Begging me to do something about it. I did attempt to try though but I failed horridly. Mom had done her research along with going for the science of it all... and well I am a science guy...

I sat there next to Mari for the next few hours doing my reports, hoping she would wake up soon. I really did not want to leave her yet. I also was not ready to face Ally when I got there either. The cycle of never ending pain.