Of Dark & Light: Acceptance

Chapter eleven

Amara

In between my tests, I would just sit in my room in silence. TV never really interested me, minus mom and my favorite ghost show. I did try to watch some ghost hunters reruns. Too many memories flooded in and I ended up having a minor panic attack. I wasn’t ready for the shows and memories yet. The twins had called me at one point for a short video. Trying to deflect their solum faces. I understood though. Put on a face so that nothing could see you fading. After dad and Jamie left my life that is all I knew. I needed to be strong for mom and the twins. Right now they are being strong for me.

Don’t worry мои близнецы (My twins) once I am home you no longer will you need to keep up the faces. After about a half-hour I told them to go lay down and rest. I was surprised when neither of them tried to fight me on it. That’s when I knew they were in so much pain. I need to figure out how I can start changing that. Sometime in the afternoon, I found myself up walking around my room looking at the flowers left by Lillie and others. That’s when I came across the white and lilac water lilies from Ally last night.

She seemed really sweet. I could see how Jamie could love her. We were like polar opposites. Constantly changing and pushing against each other. But I guess that is what worked for our relationship. That is okay, right? I won’t lie I was sad to hear about Ally. I guess a part of me hoped he was here for the last 4 years for a different reason. Not just because he needed to make sure I was okay. I needed to get that out of my head though. I was still mad at him anyway. Like he was not even at school long when he met her then they got engaged so fast? How did his mother not even know about Ally…? Or did she and she just did not want to hurt me? I mean I was still texting and calling him every day when he met her.

The bitterness built up again in me for Jamie. He is so frustrating. Ugh. But Ally has nothing to do with this. I can not make myself hate her. She does not even know me, and she came to bring me my favorite flowers. She seemed so perfect for him. f**k! I need to just stop and think about something else. Dad. Where would he have left something for me? Surely nothing survived that fire. Though the wagon and impala survived. They were in the detached garage. I have been through that garage so many times though after dad passed. It was our place. So when I needed him, I would go in there. He left me the impala that was my daily driver. I knew that car inside and out. I know all his hidden spots everyone… even the one he tried to hide from me under the spare tire…

Looking up at Ally’s water lilies again a thought came to me. When we moved to Parker my father had me and mom and him do a time capsule… He said that it was a gift for the future.  Was he telling me it was a gift for me? Was that capsule meant for me? One thing is for sure it held some kind of answers for me. Whether it was answered from him or from myself. I cannot remember what I put into it. Maybe I gave away some more answers about that man? Mom's garden was on top of the capsule. Under my water lilies. I had completely forgotten! If ally had not shown up and gave me those flowers, would I have even remembered?

Ugh, and I had a panic episode last night she must think she did something wrong! f**k. Okay well, I will have to change that. Grabbing my phone I went for Jamie’s number to text him.

                Hey…Jamie. I feel bad about not being able to show my appreciation of the water lilies to ally last night. So could you please tell her I said thank you and they were beautiful. And that I am sorry for what happened. I hope I did not upset her. She seems so sweet.

I waited for a few minutes. Nothing… He texted pretty fast last night to me. Maybe he is still sleeping? That was a huge possibility I mean it is half past 3 so ill give it a few more hours.    

Jamie

                *Ding ding*

                I opened my eyes and sat up hearing my phone go off again. There was no light coming in from my bedroom window anymore. Must be around 9ish now. Turning over I reached for my phone. It was 15 minutes to 10 pm. Opening my messages I saw another text from Amara. I shouldn’t ignore her this time as I read her message.

                Hey! Sorry I hope I did not wake you earlier. I forgot you were probably sleeping huh? I do not know you schedule so I did not want to keep assuming you were awake or not.

                I hope you were able to thank Ally for me today though before she fell asleep…

                I mean if she is awake…is she?

                I couldn’t help but laugh at her though. He was circling again. I do not want to burden her with my personal life problems right now though. She has enough on her mind.

Jamie

                No. its okay. Haha I did see you text earlier I just fell back asleep before I could reply to you. Sorry. How are you feeling? Any luck with getting your Eval moved up today?

Amara

Uggh..no. the man is stubborn and hell bent in keeping me here. He said Monday morning. I am gonna end up failing that eval! Im going crazy in this place. Miss. Millie wont be bringing the twins here all weekend.

Jamie

                What? Why? Was their nights bad last night?

That doesn’t sound like miss millie… The twins must have had a really bad night. That thought is just making me sad thinking about it. I remember an entire month I stayed at Miss Millie’s… I took some time off my teachers understood and just gave me the assignments to bring home. Every night I would sleep on the floor next to Lillie. So that if Lillie woke or had a terror, I would be right there. She was so alone and only I could calm her down enough. I set my phone down for a moment to grab a new shirt when I heard my phone start to ring. It was Amara.

                She is calling me? Grabbing and answering my phone I query, “Amara?” hearing her breathing she quietly and unsurely speaks, “Um yeah hi. Sorry I hope it is okay if I called? I do not wanna bother you or Ally…oh shoot. Um is she sleeping I can hang…” I quickly cut her off. “No its okay she is not here right now… what is up?” I mean I was not lying? She was not here right now. “Oh? Well um it was easier to just tell you over the phone instead of texting. I am also not really used to all this texting. It is weird. But anyways they had terrible terrors last night. I videoed them for a little while today and I made them go back to rest. I told them and miss. Millie maybe they should just stay home all weekend and rest up. Then come get me Monday when I am released.

                It seemed like the best plane anyways?” She seemed sad about her decision. Only breaking my heart. She not only hated not seeing them, but they had these terrors that she can do nothing about. On top of being alone… “hey Mar?” “Yeah?” she said in a pick up way. Probably realizing her tone and wanting to hide her sadness. So I probed her, “you know you can talk to me, right? It is okay to feel down. You have had to process A lot of things in just a few days. I know you are hurting to. As you should be.” I could hear her hitched breath and the tears she was trying to hold back. Bucking up she responded, “Uh yeah no I know. Its okay Jamie. I am fine. Promise.” She was clearly lying. “so um where is Ally? Work?” f**k… how do I respond to her? Oh I don’t know she left me today and I am feeling a bit shitty at the moment, and I was left pretty much the same way I left you. So Karama, right? Confidently saying “actually she is up north. With her foster parents…” I don’t think that is a lie. I would only assume that is where she would go. “oh…”

                Knowing she was starting to think about her parents again I wanted to distract her with anything I could. “So hey! When you get out want me to have the Impala sitting outside waiting for you?” “OH MY GOD! WOULD YOU PLEASE! Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!” Excitement evident in her voice. “Baby has been in the corner for to long. It is time she stretches her legs!” laughing at her response I just put my hand up in a quick response, “haha okay okay. Haha I can do that for you. Keep in mind though. Your license is expired so ill have to drive you. The twins cant and wont drive it and Miss. Millie is still terrified of that monstrous death contraption!” saying in a oh no girlish way. Earning another burst of laughter and excitement on the other side of the phone. “firstly oh my god! I remember that day. She thought we were going to crash, and you got grounded for a month! Secondly, not having a valid license has never stopped me before. Ha-ha so why should I break this devious pattern?” the mischievous sneakiness that is Amara very evidently showing in her words.

 “Okay okay killer. I will think about breaking some laws come Monday. If you promise not to ever bring that day up again. Why I ever thought it was a good idea to help you steal that car and go joy riding in it…your dad was so mad… I think I peed myself…” “oh stop he only thought about killing you. He would not have actually done so!” she said defending Troy’s anger at me. We laughed for a good minute. Until she slowly stopped and got quiet… “Ama…” she cut me off and spoke sadly in a whisper, “They are both gone now. Dad atleast got to prepare me for my goodbye. But mom… All I got was her screams from my bedroom. The flames trapped her in my door…” I could hear the tears and soft cries come out followed by “I’m sorry I have to go Jamie. Um bye.” Next thing I know there was static. She had hung up.

I got back up off my bed grabbing my keys and phone and walked out the door. I did not even realize that I had enough left until I had gotten in the elevator to the 5th floor. Did I even lock my apartment? Truthfully, I didn’t care. All I cared about was being there for her and not leaving her alone to cry alone. I stood there thinking about how what she just said confirmed what the investigators said. Her mother was in her bedroom. But that couldn’t be. I KNOW what I saw. She was in that f*****g window! She was there in the twin's room. I got off the elevator and started for her room. I could hear my name being questioned a few times but I did not really register it. I slowly opened her door and saw her sitting in the chair looking out the window. Tears filled her eyes and covering her cheeks.

My heart broke more. I shut the door and made my way over to her. She hadn’t even noticed me being there until I kneeled down in front of her. Placing my hand on her bent knee. She looked down at me intently. With questions, pain, and sorrow flowing through her eyes. I grabbed her and pulled her down to me. Letting her small body sink into me. As the cries and tears flow down spilling on to my shirt. I did not care at that moment though. I would just sit there in silence and hold on to her. She needed me and I was not going to run away this time. I would be there with her while she grieved her losses. Like she had always been for me… for the loss of Willow.