The Phoenix's Soldier's War

Challenges of Leading

    I know the trainees are planning something. I see the glares that come from them. Surprisingly, Jonah has joined them in on the glaring. Tarrant, Alexis, David have also been rather short with me. To say the least, I am rather worried. They all listen to orders, but they always do it with a huff, a glare, even both on some days.

    I let Tarrant take over the orders on the ship while I went into my cabin to ponder. It all started after Jenna went onto the bridge. That was three weeks ago. "Oh my God, they think I was purposely wanting Jenna to get hurt. I can understand the trainees, but David, Alexis, and Tarrant are the ones that concern me." I sighed in frustration. I looked down at my hands where matching scars lie. The magic that day burned my hands, leaving the impression from the ropes there. No one knows that happened. All they saw was me talking to a woman. 

    A knock came at the door. "Come in." I sighed. The stress and weariness leaked into my voice, making me cringe. Neil walked in looking serious. "Sit or stand, Neal. At this rate, I don't even care." I said. Surprised crossed his face.

    "Comm-" I cut him off.

    "Evie, Neal. It's just Evie." I said. I put the black leather gloves that were setting on my desk, onto my hands so that the scars will be hidden.     

    "Alright, Evie." He said. "The others are angry with you." He started. I looked at him. "You aren't surprised?" He asked.

    "I'm used to people being angry at me, Neil. It is expected when one is a leader. There are going to be days, weeks, perhaps months where you guys will be angry with me. I am not doing it because I hate you. I am doing it because I need you guys to learn. I need you to stop being cocky and hard-headed. We aren't children anymore, Neal. We are adults. some of us are parents. Some of us are still learning what that means. Some of us want full control and do not want to take orders. I am doing what I can. When we were in that cave, my intentions were not to have Jenna get her. I don't enjoy pain and I wasn't the one that hurt her. She disobeyed orders in the woman's eyes, Neal. None of you are worthy of magic yet. You are still learning." I said. He eyed me. His eyes flickered to my hands. He raised a brow, asking a silent question. One I am choosing to ignore.

    "When did you grow up, Evie?" He asked.

    "When I held my first born for the first time and she died in my arms." I answered. Dawning lit his eyes. "You are the first one to catch on. I'm surprised." I murmured. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sapphire smiling at me. I shook my head, knowing that she wishes to talk to me. "Tell the others what I said. If they do not believe me, then I will personally tell them."

    "Very well." Neil stood up and walked to the door and then paused. He turned to look at me. "I believe you have good intentions, Evie. I will listen to you so I am worthy. Personally, I think that Jenna needs to be knocked down a peg or two." He said. 

    "Non-sense." I chuckled. "She's pregnant. The baby is due in three months. She just doesn't know it yet. Magic protected her and the baby when she went flying backwards. Don't tell her. She needs to find out on her own. At this moment, Miranda is reading a letter, being informed of what I know. Jenna will be protected. Funny what magic can do when one is in that type of relationship. I was sure that Jenna was top. Oh well, I guess we can all be wrong at certain times." Neil shook is head in laughter. "Shoo, shoo." I waved him out.

    I turned to Sapphire. "Hey mum." She greeted. I smiled. "You've done nothing wrong you know. You are trying to teach them." She said. She jumped onto my desk, sitting comfortably. "They trust you, they just don't understand you." Sapphire took my hands in hers and took my gloves off. "You have nothing to worry about or be ashamed of. You do your best. Lilly and the boys are fine. They are happy, but they are missing you. I make sure to tell them that you are okay."

    "Why are you so perfect?" I asked.

    "Because I haven't had the chance to face the dangers of the world." She answered. "They are going to want to hear you say it, ya know. Even the sailors. They know what you did and are convinced you may do it again. It was funny though. Jenna had it coming to her." I laughed. "See, you are laughing because you know it is true. Now, Neil is going to be knocking on your door once again. I suggest you gather up your courage, put on that no-non-sense attitude, and tell them how you see it. Just take an easy on Jenna for a while. I know you never took an easy with the twins, but Jenna isn't built like you."

    "Very well, my child. Go back and keep an eye on your siblings. Also, tell me Miranda's reaction when she is done reading the letter." I said.

    Like Sapphire said, Neil came back knocking on the door. I sighed and opened it. He opened his mouth, but I stopped him when I held my hand up. "Join the others and I will speak to everyone." I informed him. He nodded. I looked down at my once more gloved hands and sighed again. I shook my head. "Somethings just aren't worth it. This is one thing I am questioning."

    Sailors gathered at the bottom. Tarrant stayed at the wheel while Alexis and David stood beside him. I looked down at everyone and found myself questioning everything once again. I frowned before putting up a strong front. I will not be questioned of my intentions and the way I do things. I am an honest person only intend to hurt those who have done wrong to my friends and family. 

    "You know, I am really quit surprised by most of you." I started. Silence filled the ship. The sound was the waves. "When there is a problem, I expect to be told. Do you really think I am perfect?" Guilty looks flashed across the men and woman's faces. "Do you really think it is my intention to hurt those around me? Do I wish people to harm people who haven't done wrong to me?"

    "Evie..." Alexis started, but quickly died out when I turned to her. 

    "I didn't say speak." I snapped. "I expected better from you. I am the captain of this ship and commander in this war. I am not perfect and I am going to make mistakes. That is a fact. I am not a god! I did not harm Jenna, that was her own doing. I warned her and I let her make her mistake. I did what I thought was right. If she did not learn from her mistake, that is not on me. My intention is to make those around me learn by their actions. Their actions are theirs alone. I am your captain and yes, it is okay to question me at time. What is not okay is believing that I will purposely hurt those who I work with. Do I make myself clear?"     

    "Yes, Captain!" They shouted.

    "Glad we have that cleared up. Get back to work!" I ordered. 

    "Evie, I am so sorry." Alexis said, stopping me from going down the stairs.

    "I'm sure you are, but never question me and the lesson I make them learn. I am going to be in my quarters. Do not bother me unless it is of great importance." I said. They said nothing as I walked away. The anger that had fueled me moments before quickly left my body. I was able to make it to the quarters and lock the door before passing out from stress.