PRIVATE SHADOWS
1182 Words
Rain slicks the streets of Saint Clarion, turning every puddle into a mirror of red and gold from the city’s restless lights.
Matt walks fast, already changed to his casual wear, the collar of his coat up, the hum of passing trams echoing in his chest. The cathedral’s bells are fading behind him, swallowed by the noise of the Basin.
He says to himself, “This is the last time”.
Shelly’s Bar glows at the corner like a memory trying to stay alive. The sign’s letters flicker unevenly, SHELLY’S, the Y stuttering in and out.
Inside, the air smells of salt and whiskey, warmth pressed into wood.
Maya sits by the window, hair tucked behind one ear, watching the rain like it owes her something. When she sees him, her face lights up in that way that always breaks his resolve.
“Hey, Handsome,” she says. “I was starting to think you bailed.”
Matt smiles, a small, measured thing. “And miss the best coffee in the Basin? Never.”
She laughs. “You hate the coffee here.” He sits. “I’m working on honesty.”
They order drinks.
“You’re a puzzle, you know?” She teases, “No beers, no cigarettes for a man your age, still I find it oddly charming in its own way.” he laughs, “Oh really, why though?”. A pause, “I just, I guess I just grew up with men who behaved differently.”
Matt gives a subtle nod in understanding, then briefly he glances around and checks his watch, a habit.
“You’re always checking your watch- as if waiting for an excuse to leave, do you not enjoy my company?”
“Far from it,” Matt says with a choking sensation beneath his breath.
“While yes, I’m anxious about being caught with her by someone who recognizes me, I wish time wouldn’t move so fast.”
“Maya, we need to talk, we have to stop seeing each other,” he wishes he could say aloud, his words stuck behind his throat.
He looks at her, smiling at him while sipping her drink, slowly but surely shedding away any resolve left by the second.
“So,” she asks, chin resting on her hand, “how’s work? You never talk about it.”
Matt hesitates for a beat too long. Then, carefully “Consulting, history and archival research for a preservation firm. Mostly old buildings, records. Not very exciting.”
“Sounds important.”
“It’s quiet work,” he says. “I like quiet.”
“You don’t strike me as the quiet type.”
He smiles at that, the kind of smile that hides more than it shows. “Maybe that’s why I need it.”
She studies him for a moment, eyes narrowing, as if testing the truth in his tone.
Then she leans back, satisfied. “Well, if you ever need a tour guide to the noisy side of life, you know who to call”.
The rain deepens, steady against the glass. The bar’s music softens into something low and slow. They talk about nothing and everything, from a street mural that reminded her of childhood, to a cat that keeps appearing outside her window if it knows her schedule.
Somewhere between her laughter and the hum of thunder, the space between them shortens.
Matt is waiting for an opening, an opportunity to let her go.
“How’s Lila’s scholarship coming up?” Matt sips his drink, his second glass.
“They haven’t responded yet, but I really believe in her luck; she’s truly special, you know?”
Her hand brushes his as she reaches for her glass, deliberate or not.
A spark moves through him, quiet, dangerous. He withdraws too quickly, and she notices.
“You always do that,” she says softly. “Flinch. Like I might break you.”
He answers before he can stop himself, “Maybe I would.”
For a second, neither of them breathes. Then she smiles, not coy, just knowing.
“We’ve been seeing for almost a month now, nothing serious, nothing official, I might be falling too deep, before it’s too late, now’s the best chance to-”
“You should let yourself be broken once in a while. That’s how light gets in.” Maya cuts his train of thought.
Her words lodge somewhere deep.
“By the way, Marty, I have great news.”
“Oh, do tell”
“I got a new contract today at this massive firm, I mean, the pay there is huge, I could even be able to handle half of Lila’s tuition,” she says, beaming with joy.
“Maya, that’s great, I’m happy, so happy for you.”
“We are having a small welcome party tomorrow. I want you to come as my plus one.”
“I-” Matt’s face already screaming, No.
I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“A party like that and just after preaching in Sunday mass- I can’t,” thinking to himself, then says, “I really can’t.”
“I’m not going to Pleasurehauz without you-”
“Pleasurehauz?”
“Yeah, I know, right? Who would have thought? That’s the most…”
Maya’s voice fades away as he thinks of the confessional, Eddie Vallon, and the sins still ringing there.
“My insatiable hunger pleasure,” Matt remembered his words, “maybe the new girl will do.”
The seal of silence feels like a chain around his throat. He remembers his business card, Eddie Vallon, Pleasurehauz studio CEO.
“Oh no, no, no.” Matt’s mind goes into panic, and he looks at Maya as though he’s seen a ghost.
Maya, concerned, “Marty, you okay?”
“She’s the new girl?”
“Matt!”
“I’ll- I’ll think about it,” Matt managed to stay composed,
“Really?”
“If my schedule clears, I’ll be”
“Thank you so much,” Maya’s ecstatic. He chuckles, “I haven’t said I’ll come yet.”
“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” disregarding whatever Matt said.
“Does this count as breaking the seal of confession?” he’s back in his thoughts, “But I can’t let her be around him, not alone.”
When he leaves, the storm has thinned to mist.
He stops beneath the flickering sign and checks his coat pocket; the business card is still there, damp and curling at the edges. It’s just as he thought.
He looks down the street just in time to see Maya turn, with a smile, she waves at him and mutters some words. The sound doesn’t reach him, but it hits like a confession all the same.
He smiles back, giving a simple wave back, and turns away, the street stretching ahead in streaks of light. He walks into the dark, not as a priest, not as a lover, just a man trying not to lose his soul before dawn.
- Writer
