Chapter 19
1142 Words
Ines
I felt nothing.
Nothing as I gathered herbs from my mother’s garden for breakfast, or when I fed the horses with my palm and their large warm mouths touched my skin.
I felt nothing when I bathed in steaming water that turned cold as I sat there, unmoving.
I felt nothing when I changed into a simple home dress and felt nothing when I pinned back my hair. I didn’t feel anything.
And it was better that way.
Because if I allowed myself to feel, to feel anything, then the tears would come.
And I had promised myself that I wouldn’t cry; I wouldn’t waste another tear on Vicente.
Even when I dreamed that night, I saw nothing. I heard, saw or felt nothing when my eyes closed.
Maybe this was what the rest of my life would look like, maybe this was what I had to get used to. A world of nothing.
I’d feel nothing when I married, nothing on my wedding night, nothing when I had children or lived the rest of my days. But I preferred it that way, because I had allowed myself to feel for so long; I had felt so much in silence and when I voiced it, it had grown in its power. And the power itself is what destroyed me when I realized I had been a fool the entire time.
“Ines, is everything ok?” Ma asked me, as she nudged my father next to her.
The three of us sat eating dinner, and I had not said more than a few words all day.
I looked up and saw the growing concern in my mother’s eyes. Pa too frowned, confused at my silence and distant stare.
A part of me wanted to lie; to plaster on a smile and say I was just fine. I almost nodded, put on a happy face and started chatting and laughing with them. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to.
So instead, I looked at them both and spoke the truth.
“You were right about everything.”
“What do you mean?” Ma insisted as she reached for my hand.
“About Vicente. You were right Pa.”
“What happened?” My father asked in a deadly tone.
It had only been one night and my entire demeanor had changed. They did not know I had snuck out to see Vicente, that I went after him to tell him I trusted him. And they did not know of the terrible things he had said that broke my heart.
And they didn’t need to know.
“Nothing. I just became wise to it all,” I said with a small shrug.
“I thought you loved him.”
“Do you want me to love him?” I asked in a snipped tone.
Both Ma and Pa glanced at eachother; I knew they didn’t know whether to feel concerned or relieved. They were just confused.
“He’s just not as great as I thought he was. I was a fool.”
“We didn’t tell you to completely hate him Ines, just to allow him to prove himself to you.” Ma said.
I scoffed. “Oh he did.”
“Ines are you sure everything is fine? Because if he did something to you..”
“Pa I’m fine. I’ve just realized my love for him was a waste. He was a waste of time.”
It hurt to speak badly of Vicente. The words were sour and bitter in my mouth, I knew they were all lies.
I knew that I loved him; I always would. But I had to move on. I needed to protect myself.
Ma opened her mouth to say something but there was a knock on the front door.
“Are we expecting anyone?” Ma asked.
“Maybe it’s the young boys from the port? I told them to fetch me when the fishermen returned,” Pa said and walked to the door.
I stood and began to clear the table, not wanting to interact with people but then I heard a voice that stopped me in my tracks.
His voice.
“Vicente, what are you doing here?” Pa asked, his voice loud.
“I need to speak to her, it is important.” Vicente said, there was an urgency in his voice.
“Whatever for?” Ma asked, coming up behind father.
“Trust me, i mean no harm. Please just let me talk to her, and then I’ll talk to you both. All of us will talk.”
There was silence for a moment and my hands trembled. All the walls I had put up overnight and the terrible things I had thought of him were starting to slip away just by listening to him.
“Ines?” Ma said. “Would you like to speak to Vicente?”
I turned to her and shook my head.
Both of my parents looked at me in shock.
“Please, I must speak with her,” Vicente urged.
“Vicente, not now,” Father said, his tone more soft.
“Please,” Vicente begged. “Señor Hector please let me talk to her.”
A fire in me burned and I strode to the door. I pushed past my parents who stepped back immediately. I gritted my teeth, ready to yell and send Vicente away.
But then I saw him.
He stood on our porch with his beautiful hazel eyes that were frantic. The light brown waves of his hair were messy and there were beads of sweat coming down his tanned forehead and long nose. He was panting and his full lips were parted, allowing him to breathe more.
The moment we made eye contact a smile spread across his face. The smile you saw on children and babies when they were full of joy; he looked so happy to see me. The sight itself melted me and I felt precious.
But then his words came back to me.
The terrible things he had said.
Looking at him now, so handsome and kind and trying to imagine him saying such things didn’t make sense. They didn’t fit.
But he had said them. And I had heard him.
“Ines, cariño, I must speak with you,” He said, reaching out for my hand.
I looked at him, wanting nothing more than to let him touch me and hold me. But I resisted and instead, used all the strength I had to refuse him.
“Go away Vicente.”
He blinked several times in confusion.
“What?”
I felt tears began to fill my eyes so I rushed the words out before I slammed the door in his face.
“Go away! Leave me alone and never talk to me again!”
- Writer
