Chapter 17
889 Words
Ines
I felt like I wanted to throw up.
The tears that filled my eyes blinded me completely. I was far away from the town where I could cry out loud and hide in the trees.
However, I was closer to home and I couldn’t go back as a weeping mess.
After Vicente had left and I argued with my parents, I snuck out. I needed to talk to Vicente, I needed him to know that I trusted him and loved him. That I believed him when he said he’d come back to me and that he had true intentions.
I believed him.
And so I made my way to town and was going to his home until I saw his horse outside a bar.
I was hesitant to enter; I had been told by Pa that bars were no place for a young lady; that they were full of drunks who were a threat.
But I needed to see him and so I looked through the window; and there he was.
He was sitting at the table right next to the window I was peeking through and he looked miserable. He looked so tired and sad, I just wanted to reach out and comfort him.
But then a man who I had never seen before had come up to him. He sat with Vicente and placed a girl on his lap.
I recognized her, she was the daughter of the butcher, her name was Gina. She unfortunately had a bad reputation among the townsfolk. And it shocked me when I saw what the man was doing things to her; it made me very uncomfortable and he had a smile that made me uneasy.
Their conversation was partially drowned out by the music and loud laughter and voices of the drunk men inside but it caught my attention when the man with the cruel smile mentioned the words “dark skin.”
I moved outside the window to get a better listen, but still managed to stay hidden. Their conversation stopped for a moment but then continued on.
Vicente’s voice got louder, and he sounded a bit upset. And then, Gina said my name.
The man began to talk about me in such a horrific way; I had never heard a man talk about a woman in such manner. My stomach hurt and I felt terrified by the way he spoke of me.
I was nothing but an object he wanted to use for his pleasure.
And when Vicente spoke, I expected him to defend me. I expected him to put the man in his place, but instead, the insults began.
He called me mediocre, he said I wasn’t worth the time, I wasn’t attractive up close, and worst of all.. he compared me to a wh*re.
The entire time tears fell from my eyes. I felt myself falling apart and sinking even deeper into the darkness.
Before Vicente could say more I ran.
I ran away so fast that my feet and legs burned.
I cries and cried until my chest hurt and my head was pounding.
I sobbed against the tree, it was the only thing keeping me from hitting the ground.
Pa had been right-Vicente was not serious about me. He didn’t care for me.
He had been right in telling him to go away.
And like a fool I had followed him. I had defended him and wanted to tell him I believed him.
And instead I found him speaking of me in a way I would have never imagined; he joined the man in the insults.
He saw me as less than.
I stood up straight, trying to breathe evenly again and regain my strength.
My heart had shattered and I felt like there was a hole in my chest-Vicente’s words had burned me to my core. But I couldn’t let myself continue to hurt.
At some point I’d have to move on; I’d have to learn to o my life without him. I couldn’t imagine that day ever coming, but after what I had heard tonight, it had to exist. It just had to. Because I wouldn’t live with this pain forever.
I would always love him. He would always be a part of me and I’d cling onto the moments of joy we had, but I’d have to make my life.
I’d have to marry, build a home and have a family without him. I’d have to find a way to be happy because although I was in love with him, I had to love myself more.
And so I forced myself to wipe the tears on my face, and continue to walk. It took every ounce of strength in me to take a step-a step away from the man I thought loved me.
And when I got home, I accepted that a part of me had died that night.
I laid in bed, careful not to wake my parents who thought I had been asleep for hours, and I cried.
I cried until I had no more tears left in me and I vowed to myself, never to cry again.
I wouldn’t let myself hurt any longer over Vicente, even if I loved him I couldn’t let myself continue to hurt.
I had to move on.
It was my only choice.
- Writer
