Stolen Glances

Chapter 17

[Navy's POV]

Hindi ko inakala na masasanay ako sa mundong dati ay parang hindi para sa’kin. Ang mundong dati ay parang napakalayo sa’kin ay magiging bahagi na ng araw-araw kong buhay.

Ngayon, tuwing gigising ako nang maaga, hindi na lang basta dahil kailangan, kundi dahil may purpose na akong hinahabol.

“Call time is at 6 AM,” lagi nilang sinasabi, at kahit inaantok pa ako, bumabangon ako with a mix of excitement and kaba.

Every day feels different, but somehow, pare-pareho rin...full of pressure, full of growth, and full of moments na sinusubok kung hanggang saan ko kayang magtiwala sa sarili ko.

Sa bawat pagpasok ko sa studio, hindi na ako ganoon ka-intimidated tulad noong una. I still feel nervous, oo, pero hindi na siya yung tipong gusto ko nang umatras. Instead, I breathe, I remind myself, “You belong here.”

Kahit minsan, may maliit na boses pa rin sa loob ko na nagsasabing baka hindi pa ako sapat, tinutulak ko ‘yon palayo. Kasi unti-unti ko nang nararamdaman—this is where I’m meant to grow.

“Hair and makeup!” tawag ng staff, at agad akong uupo sa harap ng salamin.

Dati, hindi ko kayang titigan ang sarili ko nang matagal. I would find flaws, things I wish I could change. Pero ngayon, habang pinapanood ko ang reflection ko habang inaayos nila ako, I see something else.

Hindi lang mukha ko, kundi yung journey ko. Yung girl na natatakot noon, at yung girl na unti-unti nang natutong lumaban para sa sarili niya.

“Relax your shoulders, Navy,” sabi ng makeup artist habang inaayos ang hair ko. “You’re too tense.”

“Sorry,” I’d laugh softly, trying to loosen up.

“Don’t say sorry,” she smiled. “You’re doing great.”

Simple lang ‘yon, pero it stays with me. Kasi minsan, kailangan mo lang marinig na okay ka even if you’re still figuring things out.

Pagdating sa harap ng camera, ibang mundo na naman. The lights feel warmer now, less blinding. The lens doesn’t scare me the way it used to.

“Okay, Navy, give me something soft,” sabi ng photographer.

And I try, I close my eyes for a second, imagine something calm like the quiet afternoons back home, or the gentle breeze sa terrace namin. Then I open my eyes slowly, letting that feeling stay.

Sa una, everything felt overwhelming—the lights, the cameras, the people who seemed so sure of themselves.

Ako? I was just trying to keep up, trying to remember how to stand, how to pose, how to breathe without overthinking every little movement.

Pero habang tumatagal, unti-unti kong natutunan na hindi pala kailangan maging perpekto....

kailangan mo lang maging totoo.

Click.

“Good! Now stronger,” he says.

I shift. Chin up, gaze steady.

Click.

“Nice. Again.”.

And with every click, parang may bahagi ng sarili ko na nabubuo

Hindi ko man napapansin agad, but I’m changing. Not becoming someone else....but becoming more of who I really am.

Every photoshoot felt like stepping into a different version of myself. May araw na soft and delicate ang theme, tipong kailangan kong ipakita yung gentleness ko.

May araw naman na bold and fierce, something I never thought I could be.

“Can you give me more attitude, Navy?” the photographer would say, and I’d hesitate for a second...but then I’d remember why I said yes.

I’d lift my chin, meet the camera, and somehow… it comes naturally. Parang may part sa’kin na ngayon ko lang nakilala.

Hindi lahat magaan. There are days na hindi ko maabot yung expectations nila—or even my own.

May mga shoot na kahit anong gawin ko, parang hindi sapat.

“Let’s try again,” they’d say, and I’d nod, kahit pagod na ako. Inside, I’d feel frustrated. “Why can’t I get this right?” I’d ask myself.

Hindi rin madali. There were moments na napapagod ako physically and emotionally. Long hours, early call times, and the pressure to do well every single time.

Minsan, pag-uwi ko, I’d sit on my bed, staring at the ceiling shaking my hands, replaying everything.

“Maybe I’m not cut out for this,” I’d whisper.

Or “Kaya ko pa ba ‘to?”

“But you’re still here.”

Pero pagkatapos ng ilang minuto, may papasok na ibang thought. I’d remember mom’s voice, dad’s reassurance, and the way they believed in me kahit ako mismo hindi pa sigurado.

At doon ko naiintindihan—hindi pala tungkol sa pagiging perfect. It’s about showing up. Again and again.

May mga araw din na masaya. Yung tipong magaan ang lahat. Yung team ay nagtatawanan, may music sa background, at parang hindi trabaho ang ginagawa namin.

“Navy, ang ganda mo dito!” someone would say habang tinitingnan yung shots. I’d laugh, a little shy, pero deep inside, may warmth.

“Thank you,” I’d reply, still not fully used to compliments.

Minsan, tinitingnan ko yung mga final photos. Hindi ko agad nakikilala yung sarili ko. Not because I look different—but because I see confidence,, trength and something I didn’t think I had before.

“Is that really me?” I’d ask quietly.

And maybe… it is.

Slowly, nagbabago rin yung way ng pagtingin ko sa sarili ko outside of modeling.

Kahit simple lang walking, talking, being around people—I feel more sure.

Hindi na ako yung laging nagdududa, hindi na ako yung laging nasa likod and I earned how to take space. How to speak and how to exist without shrinking.

Pero higit sa lahat, natutunan kong pakinggan ang sarili ko. Kasi sa mundong puno ng expectations, opinions, at standards, madaling mawala kung sino ka.

There are voices everywhere telling you how to look, how to act, how to be better. And sometimes, nakakalito.

“Should I change this?” “Am I doing enough?” “Am I too much?”

But then I remember what mom said.

“You’re more than what you think you are.”

At iyon ang pinanghahawakan ko.

Every time I feel lost, I go back to that. I remind myself that I don’t have to be like anyone else.

Hindi ko kailangang mag-fit in sa mundo ng iba. Kasi kung may natutunan man ako sa journey na ‘to, it’s that being different isn’t a weakness. It’s what makes you stand out.

One afternoon, after a long shoot, umupo ako sa isang sulok ng studio. Pagod na pagod ako, pero tahimik ang paligid. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“Ang layo ko na,” I whispered.

And slowly, I started believing too.

I began to see myself differently not just in mirrors, but in the way I carry myself. Hindi na ako yung dating tahimik lang sa gilid.

I learned how to own my space, how to be confident without pretending. Modeling didn’t change who I am—it revealed parts of me that were always there, just waiting to be seen.

From the girl who doubted herself…

To someone who’s still scared, but chooses to try anyway.

Napangiti ako, hindi pa tapos ang journey ko. I still have so much to learn, so much to face. Pero hindi na ako natatakot tulad ng dati.

Because now, I know...

I can grow into whatever I choose to be.

At sa bawat araw na dumadaan, mas nakikilala ko ang sarili ko. Hindi lang bilang model, kundi bilang ako...si Navy Celeste Sinclair. Yung taong may takot, may pangarap, may pagdududa, pero patuloy pa ring lumalaban.

And maybe that’s what this life is really about.

Not just being seen by others,

But finally seeing yourself.

Now, I’m here—living that “what if,” turning it into something real.

And for the first time in a long time, I can say this with certainty,

I’m not just pretending anymore.

I’m becoming.