Stolen Glances

Chapter 11

[Aurelius' POV]

Today is Mom’s birthday, at ito ako nakahiga lang sa kama, nakatitig sa kisame, habang paulit-ulit kong iniisip kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ko sa kanila ngayon. Kung pwede lang sana… kung kaya ko lang umuwi kahit isang araw, gagawin ko. I’d be there early, helping prepare, hearing Mom laugh, seeing baby Amarrisse laugh anda tease her like always.

Pero wala, I’m stuck here and it sucks.

Napapikit ako and imagining it, yung simpleng salo-salo, yung ilaw sa bahay, yung feeling na kumpleto kami. Then somehow… my thoughts drifted to her, Navy.

I wonder kung pupunta siya and I wonder kung naiisip niya rin ba ako.

Napabuntong-hininga ako, turning to my side, hugging the pillow like it could somehow fill the space everything left behind.

“Happy birthday, Mom…” bulong ko.

Then suddenly....My phone rang. It was mom, at tinawag ko kaagad si dad.

“Daddd, kuyaaaa!” sigaw ni Amarrisse sa kabilang linya.

“Hi baby, Amarrisse!” I laughed. “Happy birthday, Mom!” sabi ko kay mom.

“Anak…” sabi ni mama at nagkakagulo sila doon, kwento dito, kwento doon, at nag tatawanan kami.

Parang biglang huminto yung mundo ko nung makita ko siya sa gilid.

She wasn’t even doing anything special, nakapambahay lang, buhok niya medyo magulo, parang kakadaan lang sa sala. Pero kahit ganon… ang ganda paring niya at mahal na mahal ko siya.

My chest tightened instantly.

She stopped, our eyes met, and just like that… everything I tried to ignore came crashing back.

Her expression changed, nagulat siya at naiilang.

Then something else, something colder.

“Wait—N-Navy?”I tried, pero parang ang hirap bigkasin ng pangalan niya.

She didn’t respond immediately.

Umiwas siya ng tingin. “Hi.” sabi niya na parang ayaw akong kausapin.

“Ba’t andyan ka?” I teased her and laughed.

“Dahil birthday ng mom mo,” casual na sabi niya.

"Buti naman Nav pumunta ka diyan para naman ma happy si mama sa birthday niya,” I said softly then softer

“Thanks for being there.”aniya ko parang naiilang siya at umiwas ng tingin

“Wala yun, syempre birthday ni tita eh,” sagot niya.

Hello, Navy!" Dad said to Navy.

Hello po tito," aniya niya" mag ingat po kayo diyan tito.

Umm, tita, baby I think I need to home na po," rinig ko siya sa kanila have linya, hindi pa nga kami nag usap,

she left.

Uuwi kana, anak??" Mamaya kana umiwi ipapahatid na kita kaya manong Andey." Mom said.

Oo nga Navy, at tsaka gabie na at delikado na mag commute ka ngayon," nag aalalang sabi ko.

She just smiled." Okay lang, kaya ko namang umuwi eh, parang ayaw niya akong kausapin.

“Ate Navy, sleepover ka na!” sabi ni Amarrisse sa kabilang linya

Tumawa si Navy. “Hindi pwede baby eh, may pasok pa bukas.”

“Aww…” nalulungkot na sabi ni baby Amarisse

“Next time pag may free time ako,” aniya ni Navy.

Oum sige anak mag ingat ka ha" aniya ni mom kay Navy.

Hatid ko muna sa labas si Navy ha" mahinang sabi ni mom.

Kuya alam mo ba, ate Navy missed you so much!" She told me earlier" aniya ni baby Amarisse.

Yes kuya, miss na miss kana ni ate Navy and you know kuya she made mom happy today." at ngumiti ito

Ohh, that's good baby! I told you Navy is so good diba!? And I miss you too baby Amarisse.

Yeah kuya, and I missed it too! When kapo mag go go home??" She said softly

Umm, baby hindi muna mag go go home si kuya ha madami pa kasi akong kailangan tapusin and gagawin dito eh, but don't worry uuwi din si kuya pag tapos na and kapag successful na si kuya.

______________________________________

Tahimik dito. Sobrang tahimik. Hindi katulad sa atin na laging may ingay tricycle, kapitbahay, tawanan sa labas. Dito, ang naririnig ko lang kadalasan… sarili kong isip.

And lately, she’s all I think about, kung sumagot lang sana ako noon, kung tinawagan ko lang siya pabalik at kung hindi ko pinili na i-ignore lahat dahil lang hindi ko kayang harapin yung nararamdaman ko.

Kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit ayaw akong kausapin ni Nav dahil sa pag iwas ko sa mga tawag ang hindi pag reply sa messages niya or even update kung pagdating ko didto sa Australia, hindi ko ginawa.

Hhindi na ako mapakali, I grabbed my phone immediately.

Tinawagan ko siya.

Ringing…

Ringing…

Ringing…

No answer.

“Come on…” bulong ko.

Tinawagan ko ulit. Still nothing.

I switched to messages.

To Navy:

Hey… I miss you Nav! Musta kana?

Naghintay ako ng ilang minuto Wala paring reply.

To Navy:

I miss you damn much, Nav! Please reply my messages, let's talk🥺

Still nothing.

Napahigpit yung hawak ko sa phone.

To Navy:

I know… I didn’t answer your calls before.

Doon ako napahinto.

Because that part… that part hurt the most.

She called me multiple times before and I ignored her.

Not because I didn’t care.

But because I cared too much.

And I didn’t know what to do with it.

To Navy:

Look, I'm really orry for not answering your calls and not replying your messages or even update man lang nung nakarating ako dito sa Australia huhu.

To Navy:

I’m really sorry, Navy.

Sent.

Walang seen, walang reply just f*****g silence.

Nakatulala lang ako dito sa room ko while talking of her, yahimik at malamig.

I stood by the window, watching the rain hit the glass.

Hindi ito yung ulan na nakasanayan ko, hindi ito yung ulan na may kasamang memories yung tipong may kasabay na tawanan, shared the umbrella with her, or simpleng lakad pauwi.

This rain…felt empty.

Napabuntong-hininga ako, then I opened my phone again.

Binuksan ko yung convo namin.

Scrolled up.

And there she was, the old Navy.

“Kumain ka na ba?”

“Ang kulit mo talaga.”

“Call tayo later?”

Napangiti ako ng konti, then nawala rin agad because the last messages…

were mine.

Unanswered.

Hours later called her again.

Ringing…

Ringing…

Voicemail.

Napapikit ako, “Okay…” mahina kong sabi. “I get it.” Pero hindi ako tumigil.

To Navy:

I know I don’t deserve a reply.

Pause.

To Navy:

Pero please… pakinggan mo lang ako kahit saglit.

My fingers hovered before typing the next line.

To Navy:

I didn't ignore you dahil wala akong pake.

I swallowed.

To Navy:

Inignore kita… kasi natakot ako.

Sent.

Still nothing.

______________________________________

Lumipas ang ilang araw wala paring reply. Naiintindihan ko kung ayaw ayaw niya mag reply, maybe nasanay na siya nga hindi ako kausapin dahil because I ignored her huhu.

I stopped counting how many times I called.

Stopped checking kung “seen” na ba.

Because nothing changed.

She stayed quiet.

Until one night...My phone buzzed and I froze.

Slowly, I picked it up. Her name, Navy.

My heart started racing and I opened it.

From Navy:

Why now, Auri?

Two words, pero parang sinampal ako. Napaupo lang ako sa gilid ng kama. Yeah, she’s right.

Why now?

After everything?

After what she left?

After I ignored her?

I typed slowly.

To Navy:

Because I don't want to hurt you, I want you to focus your dream and not to disturb you. Gusto ko na masanay ka na wala ako sa tabi....

Sent.

Seconds felt like forever.

Then,

From Navy:

Fuck, Auri! Sa ginawa mo mas sinaktan mo ako, even update man lang na na siya kana sa Australia, or even just words like I'm okay, wala. And yeah nasanay na ako na wala ka.

I exhaled shakily.

To Navy:

I'm really sorry Nav...

Sent.

Mabilis yung t***k ng puso ko.

From Navy:

It's okay, Auri! And maybe you're right kailangan muna natin mag focus sa mga pangarap natin.

To Navy:

Nav....

To Navy:

I promise Navy, mag re-reply na ako sayo, tatawag na ako just please forgive me. I'll do everything that you want, patawin mulang ako huhu.

From Navy:

Everything that I want??

To Navy:

Yeah, everything baby

From Navy:

Let's be stranger for me and focus to our dreams. No calls, no messages wala kahit ano. You can only talk me once graduate na tayo and become successful in life.

From Navy:

You can only message me kung pauwi kana dito sa Pilipinas and I'll wait for you Auri.

To Navy:

No, no, no baby I don't want us to be stranger huhu! I promise nag re-reply na ako tatawag ako wag lang ganyan huhu

Front Navy:

You want me to forgive you, right!? Then do it.

From Navy:

Take care of yourself always Auri and good in your life without me.

Those messages, broke me! Akala ko kaya ko na wala siya, na hindi siya kausap pero ngayon siya na yung ayaw akong kausapin, it hits difference.

To Navy:

No, no, no baby please no

To Navy:

Baby....

To Navy:

I can't

To Navy:

I'm really sorry, I don't want us to be stranger baby

To Navy:

Baby please....

Just sent at wala nang reply.

To Navy:

Kahit ayaw mo akong kausapin, kahit galit ka pa, kahit late na ako....

My fingers trembled slightly.

To Navy:

I’ll still try, I won't give up baby! I do love you, I love you so much Navy Celeste Sinclair.

Sent.

Silence, pero this time…ang sakit sakit. It felt like…waiting.

Uncertain.

Fragile.

But real.

And for the first time since I left,

mas masakit ngayon. I won't give up baby and I will always love you.

And I’m not letting it slip again.