It's Pucking Complicated

A Better Route

KNOX

I stare at Isadora, waiting for an answer, but my thoughts are on Halvick and how I want to go downstairs and warn him to stay away from her. Dammit, I was looking for her the whole time and when I didn't see her, I felt worried.

And sure enough, she was with him.

A few tears slide down her face but she wipes them away quickly before her gaze meets mine again. There are red spots on her cheeks and her jaw is still clenched tightly. Seeing her this way is f*****g new to me. She's always so confident and bratty. Sure of herself.

I don't think I've ever seen her fall apart this way.

"I'm sorry," she says again, her voice significantly lower than it was before. "I just...He makes me so mad. I hate him. I—"

She cuts herself off. I keep waiting for her to finish her sentence, but she doesn't. So, I take the lead. "Do you remember what we agreed? There are two sides to our arrangement. I get to piss off Halvick, and you get protection. Remember that?"

Isadora shakes her head. "No. I can handle him. There's no point in picking a fight with him now. He's clearly affected by it all."

"What did he say to you?"

Something flashes across her eyes before he sniffles and folds her arms across her chest. "He told me that he knows what we're doing and that he wants you to know you're wasting your time. I had to show him that he wasn't right. That's why I..."

There's more to this. I can tell right away that she's keeping something. But I don't push her. I can't. There are limits to this arrangement of ours. Hell, I was about to cross a line outside when I asked her about that prick Phillippe.

It was a good thing Josh showed up when he did.

Our conversation drifts back into my thoughts as I stare at Isadora.

"What's this about, man?" he asked, stepping closer to me. I noticed how he looked over his shoulder to make sure that nobody was eavesdropping. "You're really going through with this? Do you think declaring war against Halvick like this is really the right way to go? She's his sister."

"There's more to this story, Josh. Just stay out of it, alright?"

I tried walking away, but he stepped in front of me to stop me and his sincere eyes searched my face. The reason why he and I got along so well was that Josh was honest. He wasn't like the others. And sure, guys like Cleo were cool to be around and we had a blast when we were together, but their friendship was superficial. I knew I could never trust Cleo with something important or even personal.

"Does she know?"

"Of course, she does."

"Oh." He visibly relaxed. "I thought I'd have to unfriend you."

I shook my head at him, fighting off a smile. "I don't think I need to tell you to keep this to yourself. You're the only other person who knows."

"Come on. You know I hate that guy. You're doing a pretty good job. I thought you sounded pretty genuine when you told Cleo off just now."

I chose to say nothing, and even now, I can't seem to figure out why his words pissed me off so much. Sure, I knew defending her honor in that way would really send a message, but I was genuinely irritated by his words, which made the whole thing much easier.

"Look, I'm really sorry about the kiss," Isadora claims, interrupting my train of thought and bringing me back to the present. "I know it was out of line and that we hadn't discussed it. You have every right to be mad."

"I'm not mad."

Maybe I said the words a little too quickly because she's staring at me with a wary look on her face and I have no idea why.

I sigh. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

I narrow my eyes, intent on getting to the bottom of at least one of her mysterious silences, but she's already turning away from me and heading toward the door. "We should probably be heading back or we'll miss the party."

I reach for the doorknob at the same time she does, so my hand ends up on top of hers. She looks from the doorknob to my face slowly. My gaze drops to her parted lips and I forget what I wanted to say as the memory of the kiss floods my mind, but this only lasts a few seconds. Focus.

"You don't have to face him alone. I told you I'd help you," I remind her. "So, if you ever need help, all you have to do is ask. I mean it, Isadora. He has no right to do this to you."

She nods slowly. "Okay. I tell you all about the problems that have been haunting me since I was a little girl...and then what? You help me fight Justin? Intimidate him into staying in his lane? We both know that won't work, that's why we're in this situation to begin with. What happens when it comes to an end and you finally get what you want? I have the rest of my life to deal with that asshole. You won't always be there."

She turns the doorknob and I step away so she can go. I give myself a few moments to breathe. I can feel my control on this whole situation slipping and the worst part is that I have no idea what to do about it.

This is getting more complicated than I thought.

By the time I leave the room, she's already by the stairs. She's clearly walking ahead so she can avoid me and I don't even know what I've done to warrant this reaction from her. There's so much about her that I don't think I'll ever understand. Frankly, I've never met anyone like her.

One second she's all sharp edges and eye contact. The next, something shifts behind her eyes and she's somewhere I can't follow, and I'm standing there like an i***t trying to read a page she's already turned.

Is it the kiss?

Was she as shaken by it as I was?

I know we won't talk about it. She already apologized and brushed it aside like a second thought, but I'm pretty sure that I saw my own expression mirrored in her eyes right after we pulled apart, and with that comes a whole bunch of questions and feelings that neither of us can address.

Because there can't be feelings or questions about anything we're doing.

This doesn't work if real feelings come into play.

Maybe I need to stop trying to read her so often. It's much easier and less problematic if I just focus on how much she gets on my nerves. The fighting part is easy to understand and wrap my head around. I can already tell when there's something she wants to say, and when she says 'nothing', it definitely means something.

Everything else?

Yeah, it's better if I stay in my lane, like she suggested. I didn't walk into her life to be a hero. In fact, before we entered this agreement, my motivations were completely selfish.

It's better for both of us if I keep it that way.